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View Full Version : New here and hoping to find some support from likeminded souls



Purple Butterfly
03-11-13, 13:02
Hi there

My name is Liz and I've been suffering with depression and anxiety for most of my life. I've tried various antidepressants, counselling and therapies but I'm now in my mid thirties and still battling with these problems.

Somehow I've managed to hold down a pretty good job (working from home which means that I don't have to deal with other people too often) and I'm married to a great bloke who loves me and understands my problems. I don't have many friends though and I feel very lonely and isolated. I think I come across as aloof and standoffish when really I'm crippled with shyness, anxiety and paranoia.

Life is a constant struggle. Some days I'm able to cope, but other times I just want to shut myself away and retreat from the world for good. I drink quite a lot because it's my only way of coping with social situations and it's also a good escape from my thoughts. I know this isn't healthy or sensible.

My dad died a few years ago and it turned my world upside down. I went a bit mad with grief and started drinking heavily. I withdrew quite a lot and lost several friendships. The grief has gradually softened over the years and turned to depression.

My anxiety pervades every aspect of my life and has prevented me from doing a lot of things that other people take for granted. I've tried to learn to drive but found it utterly terrifying. It gave me terrible panic attacks and I just had to give up. No one understands this, so I get constant nagging from my husband's family and the few friends I do have. I don't have any children because the thought of it fills me with anxiety and I'm convinced I'd be an awful mother. However at my age I've probably left it too late now and I'm full of regrets. When people ask me why I don't have kids or, like my mother-in-law, tell me that I'll probably regret it one day, it's deeply hurtful and makes me very depressed.

I feel like a bit of a joke. I can't cope with the things that everyone else does so easily. Sometimes just getting through the day is enough of a struggle. No one understands or wants to help.

Sorry for waffling on so much. I thought I'd join this forum in the hope of finding people to talk to who are going through a similar thing.

chrismanc
03-11-13, 13:23
Hi Liz
I developed anxiety after my first panic attack 18 months ago. The last 18 months have been so hard. I don't think I have had one day where anxiety hasn't spoiled some aspect of my day. Try to carry on as normal as possible but it is difficult. This forum has been a god send when I have felt bad or experienced symptoms I've never had before. It's been so comforting to know that I am not alone going through this.

I am determined to beat this and am trying to make positive changes to my life, but it is hard and like you I feel I have no one in my life that really understands. My partner gets frustrated with me and thinks I'm being overly dramatic.

Chris x

Broken-doll
03-11-13, 14:26
Hi Liz, I'm a newbie myself and can completely relate with you. Like Chris ice been struggling with a severe panic disorder for 18 months. It's so debilitating and the most frustrating thing about it is the fact that others struggle to understand or comprehend the illness and this leaves you feeling isolated and alone.
Like yourself I long to do the things other people take for granted and lead a normal life.
I have a son and I feel such a failure when I'm unable to attend events which every child should be able to enjoy such as bonfire party's and crowded arenas.
It's such a crippling illness and it takes over your life.
I'm sorry to hear that you're relying on drink as a crutch, although a short-term release, I generally find that if I drink alchohol that it accelerates my anxiety/depression the following day. :(
Take care my love and hopefully we can find a little hope and understanding from the kind folk on this forum. Xx

Tanner40
03-11-13, 14:43
Hi Liz, and welcome to NMP. I've been here a few weeks and can't tell you how much help and support that I have found among this group of people. It seems to be a rare soul that can actually understand what anxiety succeeded go through, when they don't have the illness itself. It can be such an isolating disease.
For me, I have found that I have to slow down my mind and become that rational person when the anxiety rises like flood waters. CBT is helping me with this. Have you tried it?

SarahH
03-11-13, 14:51
Hi all and :welcome: to the newbies........I hope you find lots of support and kindness on this forum certainly have:bighug1:

Sarah

Purple Butterfly
03-11-13, 16:09
Thanks for the reples everyone. I really appreciate it. I'm really encouraged to hear that you've found the forum to be helpful.

I'm really ashamed about my drinking. No one knows how bad it is apart from my husband. We both drink a lot. At the time it lifts me and I enjoy the escapism, but the next day my anxiety is so much worse. My hubbie doesn't have depression or anxiety - he just really enjoys a drink. I find it really hard to abstain when he comes home with wine. I don't know what to do.

Tanner, I've heard that CBT can help. Did you get referred by your doctor?

chrismanc
03-11-13, 16:28
Hi Liz,
Have you read Self help for your nerves by Claire Weekes? When I had my first panic attacks I read the book at the same time as having a course of CBT through the GP.
(I actually think the book helped me more than CBT as the sessions were so short) Unfortunately, I have got a little complacent with looking after myself and my anxiety has just got worse so I am re reading the book. Like you I tend to use alcohol as a relaxant but as I have always enjoyed a drink I find it hard to think about cutting it out and some weeks it is the only calm I get.
I live in hope that one day I will be able to beat this!

Tanner40
03-11-13, 16:44
Hi Liz. I didnt get referred by my doctor for CBT. I am in the U.S. And didn't need a referral. I have used a book in the past by David Burns, called The Feeling Good HandBook. That book used to be my bible and helped me quite a bit. I am now doing some CBT online. I have done CBT with a therapist in the past and feel like I need a refresher course. First time around, having a therapist to work with really helped me.

Purple Butterfly
03-11-13, 17:40
Chris, I've got a few self-help books that I've dipped in and out of but not really got on with. I will look up the one you've suggested. Tanner I will look up the one you mentioned too.

I was seeing a psychotherapist for a while, which was quite expensive, but it helped me get to the bottom of my problems. I do understand more why I get so anxious and depressed, but what I didn't get from seeing her was some things to do to make myself better. I guess self help is the only way, but I think I need someone to help me through it, like a therapist.

I've been having these problems for 20 years now. I can't believe I'm still in this mess.