Purple Butterfly
03-11-13, 13:02
Hi there
My name is Liz and I've been suffering with depression and anxiety for most of my life. I've tried various antidepressants, counselling and therapies but I'm now in my mid thirties and still battling with these problems.
Somehow I've managed to hold down a pretty good job (working from home which means that I don't have to deal with other people too often) and I'm married to a great bloke who loves me and understands my problems. I don't have many friends though and I feel very lonely and isolated. I think I come across as aloof and standoffish when really I'm crippled with shyness, anxiety and paranoia.
Life is a constant struggle. Some days I'm able to cope, but other times I just want to shut myself away and retreat from the world for good. I drink quite a lot because it's my only way of coping with social situations and it's also a good escape from my thoughts. I know this isn't healthy or sensible.
My dad died a few years ago and it turned my world upside down. I went a bit mad with grief and started drinking heavily. I withdrew quite a lot and lost several friendships. The grief has gradually softened over the years and turned to depression.
My anxiety pervades every aspect of my life and has prevented me from doing a lot of things that other people take for granted. I've tried to learn to drive but found it utterly terrifying. It gave me terrible panic attacks and I just had to give up. No one understands this, so I get constant nagging from my husband's family and the few friends I do have. I don't have any children because the thought of it fills me with anxiety and I'm convinced I'd be an awful mother. However at my age I've probably left it too late now and I'm full of regrets. When people ask me why I don't have kids or, like my mother-in-law, tell me that I'll probably regret it one day, it's deeply hurtful and makes me very depressed.
I feel like a bit of a joke. I can't cope with the things that everyone else does so easily. Sometimes just getting through the day is enough of a struggle. No one understands or wants to help.
Sorry for waffling on so much. I thought I'd join this forum in the hope of finding people to talk to who are going through a similar thing.
My name is Liz and I've been suffering with depression and anxiety for most of my life. I've tried various antidepressants, counselling and therapies but I'm now in my mid thirties and still battling with these problems.
Somehow I've managed to hold down a pretty good job (working from home which means that I don't have to deal with other people too often) and I'm married to a great bloke who loves me and understands my problems. I don't have many friends though and I feel very lonely and isolated. I think I come across as aloof and standoffish when really I'm crippled with shyness, anxiety and paranoia.
Life is a constant struggle. Some days I'm able to cope, but other times I just want to shut myself away and retreat from the world for good. I drink quite a lot because it's my only way of coping with social situations and it's also a good escape from my thoughts. I know this isn't healthy or sensible.
My dad died a few years ago and it turned my world upside down. I went a bit mad with grief and started drinking heavily. I withdrew quite a lot and lost several friendships. The grief has gradually softened over the years and turned to depression.
My anxiety pervades every aspect of my life and has prevented me from doing a lot of things that other people take for granted. I've tried to learn to drive but found it utterly terrifying. It gave me terrible panic attacks and I just had to give up. No one understands this, so I get constant nagging from my husband's family and the few friends I do have. I don't have any children because the thought of it fills me with anxiety and I'm convinced I'd be an awful mother. However at my age I've probably left it too late now and I'm full of regrets. When people ask me why I don't have kids or, like my mother-in-law, tell me that I'll probably regret it one day, it's deeply hurtful and makes me very depressed.
I feel like a bit of a joke. I can't cope with the things that everyone else does so easily. Sometimes just getting through the day is enough of a struggle. No one understands or wants to help.
Sorry for waffling on so much. I thought I'd join this forum in the hope of finding people to talk to who are going through a similar thing.