View Full Version : Trying to cope....
Hi all,
I have posted loads of times... It helps.
I got in a really bad state today... I so wanted to demonstrate to my wife, who copes very well with my disorder, how bad I felt.
It was not pretty... Really bad desperation.
In the end I calmed down and admitted I do tend to exaggerate and I do desperately want to get some sympathy. I don't really know why this feels so lonely, struggling with GAD.
Anyway, she came up with a plan.
That I should carry on and act normally even if this is pretending. To do things as if I feel ok. To put on a face. She said that this attitude would eventually give me some confidence and would start to make me feel normal.
I started to attempt this. I went out to the gym and returned at lunchtime. On the way home I still kept thinking and wanting to break down. I have not done so even though as I write this I feel very sick and am struggling to eat a sandwich.
It always frustrates me that if you look on the Internet about how to carry on eating when anxious, most advise is about stopping over eating or eating a good diet. I feel like throwing up...!! I don't really understand how you could overeat... But that's me.
Anyway.... The more determined I am to not to break down and to just carry on, the harder it seems to get...
This is very difficult. Is this a good idea...
It sounds feasible, as the anxiety is a private experience... I don't get massive panic attacks, just waves of high anxiety and bad thoughts. It washes over me and the urge to do something about it...like writing this ...seems to be huge.
Phil
Hi Phil
I'm trying the same tact at the moment after reading something similar on a website (nothing works.weebly.com) but it is very hard work. Like you I get high waves of panic that don't tend to lead to panic attacks but feel like they could. I feel ill most off the time and don't think anyone actually appreciates how hard it is to carry on with worketc when you feel so sh*t.
I'm also in the process of re reading Claire Weekes Self Help for your nerves - it's a great book that really helped me when I first started suffering with GAD.
Chris
Hi Chris,
I had all the Claire Weekes books , but when I got better years ago, I gave them away. Maybe I should drop all the searching and reading and go back to her teachings... It sort of agrees with this method anyway.
It does get a little confusing as most sites Talk about acceptance when mainly talking about going through panic. I think GAD is a little different but the methods are still valid.
Phil
I'd definitely recommend giving them another read, I had a really good few months immediately after reading Self help for your nerves. I actually thought I was on the road to a full recovery, unfortunately my anxiety has got much worse over the last 6 weeks so I am revisiting the book again. I think I may have to continue to read and re read even when I am starting to feel better.
Chris,
I have just bought the audio book version from audible.com
Sorry to hear you are going through a setback... That's a shame. Any little doubt seems to set people back.... Keep going... Don't lose the faith in the method... I have recovered many times through my life and have been great for about 7 years.
Got caught a bit cold this time and got caught up in the fear of it coming back...oops.
Phil
Hi Phil
I have the audio version as well and listen to it in the car on the way to work- I find her voice quite soothing. I think her teachings are relevant to all anxiety symptoms not just panic. One of my main symptoms is dizziness and although it's very difficult sometimes I do try and accept / float through the day rather than lie down which is what I feel like doing when my head is spinning !
---------- Post added at 21:17 ---------- Previous post was at 19:58 ----------
Hi Phil
I have the audio version as well and listen to it in the car on the way to work- I find her voice quite soothing. I think her teachings are relevant to all anxiety symptoms not just panic. One of my main symptoms is dizziness and although it's very difficult sometimes I do try and accept / float through the day rather than lie down which is what I feel like doing when my head is spinning !
I think pretending that you feel OK is a good plan Phil, not only will it give you confidence but you will rewire your faulty thinking, you will trick your brain into believing that you are OK. Its the basis of behavioural CBT. I call it 'faking it until you make it', one analogy is that when people about something consistently they will eventually believe the lie as the truth.
I think most of us put on an act everyday, taking a different role in different situations, whether it's being confident and mature at work, friendly and interested in what shop assistants say, being nurturing and fun loving with our family and friends - we all 'act' differently depending on who we are around. Pretending is OK, it's just another way of coping with what life throws at us.
Being determined not to breakdown is not accepting or compassionate though Phil, you will have lots of wobbles to begin with, try not to be too hard on yourself, accept that you are learning and practicing and it's OK to feel anxious but that you will try not to react in an anxious way (that would include avoid goggling how to eat when anxious :winks:) I don't think pretending 24 hours a day would be a good idea though, maybe give yourself an hour a day to 'breakdown' if that's what you need. An hour to be honest about your feelings, cry, have a paddy or whatever, the rest of the time act like you are the confident, calm, together man that you really are.
chrismanc - I have the Claire Weekes audio too, she scares the living daylights out of me in places :ohmy:, her no nonsense Austrailian voice is quite loud in parts, it is very good though - I certainly take her seriously and listen to every word - 'utter, utter acceptance' will stick with me forever.
Sam
Sam, Chris,
Thanks for your encouragement and sensible thoughts.
I thought I would let you know what happened yesterday... It was unbelievable.
I had a dental appointment first thing followed by a day out with my grandchildren. Although I am not too worried about dentists, I don't like going. But as you can see from previous posts I seem to be stuck in a high anxiety period so the day seemed impossible when anticipating it.
I woke and felt relaxed... I got up and went to the dentist feeling very calm. Although there were periods of stress while laying in the dentist chair, I coped fine and then went swimming, followed by a pub lunch and a great afternoon and even better evening watching a good film.
This was me...the real me. I couldn't make myself anxious even if I tried. I had no worries and I could see sooooo clearly that all the things I ruminate about are just rubbish. I even felt the return of interest in my hobbies and ordinary life. It was quite simply great, but I don't want to give you the impression it was manic... Just very calm and pleasurable.
Now on waking this morning, the old churning is back and I just cannot think like I did yesterday... This is such a shame, because yesterday I could see the truth but today my mind has returned to worrying about my anxiety. Claire Weekes does explain this and encourages you to stay loose and accept and wait... Her assurance that things will improve again are a great comfort. Here's hoping that another good day comes soon, even if I have to be patient.
I hope you can all have a good day to remind yourselves of how good life can be when you are recovered....
Phil
That's a great post Phil and good to hear that you had a lovely day yesterday.
I'm going through a 'crisis' AGAIN but last week did have 2 reasonable days where I could see the light again and Claire Weekes is right, things will improve again, it's tolerating the present distress that seems impossible.
I like the 'Stay loose, accept and wait' advice - I'll try to employ that today
Sam x
Sam,
Good luck with it.... I am trying but not being too successful. I keep having that really tearful feeling come over me. I get little successes with letting it be, but when it subsides a bit I sort of go looking for it again so I can "deal with it" PROPERLY. I know that sounds stupid, it seems to be the part of me that wants to beat this thing once and for all. It is the struggle that I am continually told to drop... Even Claire Weekes keeps saying stop struggling and fighting with your emotions.
It is very difficult to hold back the tears when out in public. I do manage to as it mortifies me to think I would break down like that. It is also a man thing.
What I cannot recall is that yesterday none of this was even worthy of any action at all.
Phil
Phil,
I really believe you will get there (like I did the first time around). I find if I repeat over and over in my head 'accept and float, accept and float' it helps. I know it's not easy to pretend all is ok when you feel rubbish but I think it's definitely a good plan. I have had a pretty rubbish day with it today but I got through it without running away or returning to bed and for that i am really proud.
Sam,
Loved your posts - so insightful, and I agree Claire Weekes is a bit scary sometimes. Someone once told me they thought she sounded like Dame Edna - this makes listening to the CD less serious and I sometimes have a little laugh thinking about Dame Edna saying 'utter, utter acceptance!' :)
Thank you chris, but you've planted the thought of Dame Edna in full drag in my minds eye now and everytime I listen to Claire Weekes I'll think of it :roflmao:She had a brilliant understanding of panic though, I wish they'd cloned her (Claire not Edna), to have someone like her with us when we're learning to accept our anxiety would be invaluable. Well done for not running away or returning to bed yesterday - keep practicing and pretending x
Hope you're having an OK day Phil
Hi Both...
Yes Dame Edna... Now there is a picture!
Hard start to today for me.... Just dealing with depression more than anxiety I think. There are some subjects that really start the emotions at the moment... Love of grandchildren for one. I soooo want to be a fun grandad for them.
Had a session with a CBT therapist this morning and it was quite difficult feeling this way.
She is obviously very supportive about accepting but has suggested I find some things to use as a bit of distraction, especially early mornings... Walking etc does help but still allows the rumination... Will try and get into a computer game or something.
Phil
Afternoon all,
Just wanted to post an update on how things have been for the last couple of days and to maybe open a discussion on the difficulties encountered when trying to accept the feelings and thoughts.
I hope this is a positive post, even if at this moment my symptoms are a little uncomfortable.
Yesterday, once I got through the early hours the day improved greatly with my mood lightening. I busied myself in the morning, trying to carry on as normal despite feeling agitated. The worst point came when I was browsing through some stuff in a local shop and suddenly felt the old self conscious, dread feeling. I can never identify the thought that brings this on but it never fails to impress me with the feeling of inability to cope and danger. The best word to describe it is dread, but then you all know about this. I managed to stop myself running into all the old thoughts of what am I doing wrong etc as I tend to want to gain control. I instead thought that this requires that I do nothing... Weird but sort of worked. It didn't relieve the feeling but took a bit of the urgency out of the feeling and gave my brain a rest. Eventually, the feeling subsided and I felt some sense of achievement, even if it wasn't yet confidence. But the evening was excellent. I seemed relaxed.... Yeh! And my mind was happy to drop the subject and focus on things outside of my inner experiences.
A good nights sleep followed and a better morning. Then wham! Suddenly when returning from a work out in the gym the feeling washes over me again... Still horrible, and still a little overwhelming but although not entirely comfortable I have tried not to get drawn into all the reactions and despairing thoughts. Not 100% successful at it and I am still feeling it now... But I am not despairing about it, and a tiny part of me is willing to carry on and wait. I cannot remember what it feels like to be relaxed like last night, but I think that is the worst part of this feeling.... It sort of robs you of the confidence that this will pass.... But it is slowly.... Hope this helps, because it feels like a step towards recovery.... Please!!
Phil
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.