Broken-doll
03-11-13, 14:44
Last night I made a major mistake! I decided to attend the evening wedding reception of my ex husbands brother (as I'm still close to his family.) the reception was held in exactly the same venue as my own wedding reception was held 12 years ago!
I was feeling incredibly anxious before I set off... The usual racing thoughts, nervous energy and tingling sensations...and I knew it was a bad idea and was desperate to cancel, however didn't want to let my son down as he was a paige boy.
On arrival I met people whom I hadn't see for 12 years and must have heard at least 10 times " ohhh last time I saw you... It was at your own wedding here".
At this point I struggling to muster a sentence, heart racing, skin burning, confusion, racing thoughts, pacing up and down, frequenting the toilet every five mins, sweating.
I managed to sit myself down next to my ex mother in law whom I still get on with quite well , and then she asked me " was this the same room your reception was held in?" That was it.... I started crying at the table, frantically scrambling around in my bag for diazepam, my throat started to close up, I couldn't swallow, I spent the next five mins frantically necking water to reassure myself I could still swallow ... Before phoning a taxi!
I now feel understandably embarrassed, I'm quite sure the guests at the wedding will all be thinking, I'm not over my ex-husband when actually the fact is I'm totally over him, it was the environment and the crippling anxiety which took control of me! Feeling defeated :(
I was feeling incredibly anxious before I set off... The usual racing thoughts, nervous energy and tingling sensations...and I knew it was a bad idea and was desperate to cancel, however didn't want to let my son down as he was a paige boy.
On arrival I met people whom I hadn't see for 12 years and must have heard at least 10 times " ohhh last time I saw you... It was at your own wedding here".
At this point I struggling to muster a sentence, heart racing, skin burning, confusion, racing thoughts, pacing up and down, frequenting the toilet every five mins, sweating.
I managed to sit myself down next to my ex mother in law whom I still get on with quite well , and then she asked me " was this the same room your reception was held in?" That was it.... I started crying at the table, frantically scrambling around in my bag for diazepam, my throat started to close up, I couldn't swallow, I spent the next five mins frantically necking water to reassure myself I could still swallow ... Before phoning a taxi!
I now feel understandably embarrassed, I'm quite sure the guests at the wedding will all be thinking, I'm not over my ex-husband when actually the fact is I'm totally over him, it was the environment and the crippling anxiety which took control of me! Feeling defeated :(