Obsessional health worries about someone else?

[Butterfly22]

I know it's common to have health obsessions about you but can you get obsessed with health of others? My boyfriend smokes and I get obsessed with the health risks and have mentioned to him about quitting but he says he will do it when he's ready. Fair enough, but every time it see him light up I just get anxious about the poisons he's putting in his body. I've got obsessed enough to end up pestering him and we've ended up arguing. The worry keeps coming up when I'm with him even though I tell myself to accept it's his choice.

[roxy90]

Its not just you hun. My family have a massive catalogue of illnesses and I worry constantly (funnily enough they dont...!). My dad smokes loads and has uncontrolled blood pressure, my mum is diabetic has a blood clot, my.grandma has just had a blood vessel burst in her eye.and it looks terrible, I'm so worried about them all whilst they dont have a care in the world.

I want my dad to stop smoking, im terrified of him.having an aneurysm, heart attack etc. I know its.his choice and I dont pester him but it really does upsets me

[Butterfly22]

I can imagine all of that causes intense worry and anxiety for you, that's right they don't seem to worry the same as us and they have the problem.

[HoneyLove]

I do this too butterfly, although not as badly anymore.

The key is to tell yourself that you cannot control what happens to anyone else's health, and you cannot control what they do to their own bodies (ie smoking). It's not your responsibility to take on board someone else's health like that, and honestly it's exhausting and will drive a wedge between you & your loved ones.

He knows that smoking is bad for him, but there's nothing you can do about it, he's an adult and has to look after himself. If you continually reprimand him about it he will feel like you're treating him like a child or like you are nagging him, even though you're not doing those things, you're simply struggling with anxiety - but it often comes off the wrong way because people don't like to be told when things are bad for them/when they're doing something wrong, especially if they already know it.

It'll be easier for you if you try to accept that you can't control what other people do and just focus on taking care of yourself. It's too much of a burden to worry about others this way, you will feel a bit of relief if you can let it go x

[roxy90]

To be honest I wish they would worry! My mother doesnt take her diabetes seriously, she has changed nothing. My dad is obviously causing.himself damage with smoking and refusing to control his blood pressure. I just want to shake them and tell them to look.after.their bodies but it wouldn't work. Families hey?

[Butterfly22]

That's a good reply there honey love, puts it into perspective, it is a burden to carry around and of course we can't control the health of others.

Roxy maybe you could take some advice too from honey love.

[rebeccad]

Your not alone i to worry about everyone and can't stand the thought if losing a loved one, I'm worse over my kids and parents ,it's so draining, but we have to take a step back and realise that our partners and parents are adults and we cannot change the way they think, you have given him the information and he probably already knows, let's face it who doesn't know smoking is bad for you ? And if he hasn't quit now he's not going to quit by you going on at him, maybe if you don't mention it (a little reverse psychology) he will give up anyhow x

[Uncertain27]

I'm like this about my parents too, but I do feel that leaving home will help. Well if I ever manage to get a job! :)

[Jeo]

Oh yeah. My mum has high blood pressure and needs an op soon so I'm worrying about that. I always used to bring my Mum whatever she needed when she had headaches/nausea.

I worry more about my OH health than he does too. The other day his tooth felt weird so I said "Go to the dentist!" -the weird feeling was gone the next day.

I even worry about my pets. The first time I gave my dog a chew her I noticed blood on the chew and spent the next hour on google trying to find out what was wrong!

[Butterfly22]

I understand what all of you must be going through with this, it seems to just go over and over in your mind, even if you tell yourself you cant control what happens to others.