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Hi, guys. I'm getting antsy & shaky. My triggers are usually subtile facial expressions & tones of voice and stuff like that - things that could go either way, but that make me begin to obsess about people being angry with me, etc. I just made a joke that my boss didn't find humorous... no big deal... but he gave me this look & didn't acknowledge my apology (it was just a dry comment about how many people have given notice this week - it's been a rough one). Now I'm shaky.
Usually I drink a coffee in the morning, but I notice it does exacerbate the issue if I get panicky. My legs are cold and tingly, my breathing is shallow... usual anxiety stuff. And I would love to take an ativan, but I'm afraid of becoming addicted, so I'm trying not to.
So tell me about your triggers? I think it would help... learning a bit more about anxiety.
Thanks.
-Laura
Hi Laura - I know what you mean - that's the kind of situation that I would definitely think about for ages.
When i'm anxious, i am just always asking people if they're ok with me or if they're happy with my work or if i've offended them. Sorry but i still haven't found a way of just shrugging stuff off like that.
I hope you do, 'cause i know what it's like. My husband is the opposite and just says things he means and doesn't worry about them. It would be great to be like that! I think it just means maybe that you're emotionally sensitive to other people and the way they are feeling.
Vix x
Hi Laura
My triggers are similar to yours. After much thought I put this down a sort of intuitive intelligence which means we read situations much more keenly than others are able. We pick up on atmospheres, facial expressions, body language, tone and pitch of voice and then drive ourselves mad analysing what each could have meant and whether we have caused any upset.
It can be quite exhausting, particularly if you have a job which means you have to deal with a lot of people (I call them energy vampires) as we try and deal with their emotions as well as our own.
Kay
Vix, yeah - I'm always asking if people are mad at me... and then after about 100 "No, I'm not"s, they get angry... LOL. Not funny, but a little....
And Kay, yes... it's maddening. I never thought of it as an intuitiveness. Maybe it is, although I'd prefer to think of it as madness because at least that way I've not upset so many people!
Hi Laura
When I was acute, I had many trigger, the same as yours and more.
What I came to understand for me, is that my flight, fight response had been tiggered by my first pa, it never went back in its box for a long time. So, I was on high alert all the time, looking for danger.
When the fligh, fight resopnse is there, are eye's can be more sharp, ready to see things more clearly, are ears become sharp, ready to here danger coming, are sense of smell can become sooo sharp, which I noticed one day to my supprise [:O]
What I notice for myself is, I never needed a full blown panic for these respses to kick in, just high anxiety. We become very sensitive to other people feeling. I noticed at one point in my high anxiety I could even feel there pain, which I thought was strange.
Even now when waching tv, if someone fall over or hurts themself, ohhh it hurts me to,( very strange) I get a funny shock in my body. Its not a problem for me these days.
I do think that these type of trigger do go in time, mine have, through the help and support of this forum.
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
keepemlaughing
03-11-06, 20:30
Jill, I can't believe it! You said something that I have not read before but have always experienced myself. People look at you like you are crazy (no, duh) if you tell them about it. I'm talking about feeling other people's pain, symptom, feelings......it used to be really bad for me and i have a daughter who often experiences this also. it isn't imaginary or a cry for attention, it is really real. i had a friend with MS and i started physically experiencing all her symptoms. also, when i am just sitting or working near someone i will start feeling ill in some way to find out hours later that i was experiencing the exact symptoms of that person. I have had severe headaches, stomaches, sore muscles, cold symptoms and too many others to name. they were not my own symptoms and would disapate soon as i was no longer in the proximity of anyone with those issues. I am so stoked to hear someone has experienced this.
it has gotten better for me. i still will feel the stomach aches of someone else and occassional headaches, but not the severe things like before. Let me know more about yours.
sheryl
Sheryl
Hi Laura,
Totally empathise with what you say. Today my boss put me down over a comment I had made at the staff meeting. I wanted to cry, felt it was personal. Sometimes people make me feel bad about myself because of the way I interpret comments and body langauge. At the moment I am receiving CBT to help me challenge this negative thinking, I'm getting better at it, but its hard to change the habits of a lifetime.
Take Care
Jill & Sheryl - I get that, too. Not to the same degree that either of you have described, but enough to know that's what it is. The most notable was when my grandmother was dying - pretty much right when her kidneys began shutting down, I got a horrid stomache ache out of nowhere and felt like i needed to... um... use my kidneys, but couldn't. I had been out with a friend & had to leave. I even got stomache cramps out of nowhere last weekend when - get this - my CAT was having gas pains!
Bear - oh, I know THAT one! I had about 10 years worth of bosses from hell. I think it was a karmic thing! My boss now is actually a very nice guy, so he doesn't make me cry, but I had some downright emotionally abusive bosses when I was younger. I finally got rid of one and damned if I didn't get another one JUST like the first! Once I learned to not become emotionally invested, I was able to stop crying at work... that's something I don't miss at ALL! Then boss from hell 2 "retired to spend more time with her family," (otherwise known as "got sacked.") and I got my nice boss. :) The Universe rewards learning...
thanx for that, i am always bursting into tears at work. I can't seem to help it. I think I need to be more assertive or people will continue to 'bully' me.
PanickyPolly
06-11-06, 17:27
I know where you're coming from too and I'm glad you brought up this topic because I think it's an important one. When I'm at my most anxious I suspct everybody of eveyrthing and think "oh I wonder of he/she hates me" ect. What you need to remember though (I can say this as I'm fairly calm at the moment) is that 9 times out of 10 we're wrong about it. Anxiety distorts everything. yes people with anxiety and epression do tend to have empathic qualities BUT we can only really use these when we're not anxious.
Also, even if these people do hate us or are taking something the wrong way...so what? It's their loss.
Polly - you're right. Isn't it awful when you have knowledge in the back of your mind that you are probably not being rational, yet you're so frightened that all you want it reassurance? Ugh.
And bear, I found that when I got assertive with my 2nd boss from hell, she actually respected it. Now that might not work for every boss and of course you'll have to guage that for yourself, but the final straw for me was one day when she told me that I must not have been good at my previous job because I didn't have what it took. I just snapped into "Oh-we-are-sooo-not-going-there" mode and looked her dead in the eye and said "I was DAMNED good at my last job, and if you don't believe me, quite honestly, I don't care." It was very satisfying and I think she respected it.
Caroline738
07-11-06, 09:50
Hiya. I hae just joined the forum and been reading this particular chat.
WOW - Can't believe there are people who think so much like me - Creatrix, PanicPolly and Bearcrazy.
I have just spent the last 10 months in an awful situation where my boss was very aware of my situation and to this end she used to talk to me how she wanted. Last monday I reached breaking point and asked her not to speak to me in that manner as I found it was not necessary - BIG MISTAKE - she ripped into me. I was so shattered by the experience that I resigned from my position.
I kow if I think rationally I should be saying "I absolutely did the right thing, she is a bully, i did not deserve to be treated in that manner and it is her loss not mine. But guess what.............. my anxiety is telling me, you should have kept your mouth shut and then you wouldn't be in this situation.
This whole thing has made me an absolute nervous wreck, shakes and desperate negative thoughts about myself kicking in.
WHY CAN'T I THINK RATIONALLY???????????
I don't know, but I can't either... LOL. But I really believe you did the right thing standing up for yourself. bully bosses need to be separated from society and left to their own devices in the wild if you ask me!
"left to the their own devices in the wild" BRILLIANT!!
I have suffered from negative people at work before, and it really undermines you. I have to say my mum was like it all my life which really didn't help. My self esteem has always been a problem. That's why I think I'm so paranoid or over-conscious of other peoples reaction to me. Many the restless night I've had worrying over nothing because I think I've offended someone, upset them, or got something wrong...
I try to tell myself not to give myself a hard time, but it doesn't always work! Hard habit to break.
Also:
Caroline - Well done for standing up to your boss. Your agency seem happy and you are starting Monday. What a great move. I would be just as anxious as you, but try to think of it as a positive step to a happier future and working environment.
Lisa.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Hi,
similar to you I get anxious at what I perceive to be people's negative body language; a look, a tone, a silence, a sigh....etc
I can't believe so many people feel similar things.
Not receiving a phone call, text or e-mail from friends or colleagues makes me think that they have fallen out with me and I get too scared to call them in case I seem too needy. Silence from my hubby makes me think he has fallen out of love with me, a tantrum from my daughter would indicate she doesn't love me.....
However, when I am able to, I know I am usually wrong. What I can't manage to do is face my perceived problem eg my boss being angry because I am off sick. I have avoided phoning her for 6 weeks!
I can't tell you ways I have found of dealing with them, I'm still looking!:)
Happyone
oh the email/phone call thing! ugh! Yes, I can't tell you how many arguments I've gotten into on that one!!!!
That's where ativan has come in mighty handy.
Ladychenet
26-09-09, 12:37
Hi Laura
My triggers are similar to yours. After much thought I put this down a sort of intuitive intelligence which means we read situations much more keenly than others are able. We pick up on atmospheres, facial expressions, body language, tone and pitch of voice and then drive ourselves mad analysing what each could have meant and whether we have caused any upset.
It can be quite exhausting, particularly if you have a job which means you have to deal with a lot of people (I call them energy vampires) as we try and deal with their emotions as well as our own.
Kayhi Kay, not sure if i have done this right, but what you said naild it for me, with the noticing and intuition, and then over analysing, even the most simplest situation, reading too much into a situation, so much that you avoid, going place's, avoid people,and try so hard to distract your self, from them that you act strange, ive noticed how people look at me, they give me a strange look, which exasperates, my own situation, you are so right with those triggers, it then makes you paranoid, its dreadful, a hightend sence of awareness is that it, when your anxiety kicks in :blush:
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