katesa
04-11-13, 16:56
Hi everyone,
I hope you are all doing well. I have popped in to say hello and give a bit of an update and thoughts on my journey towards recovery. Maybe they may help someone? Not sure, but I'll try.
I have had 3 rounds of psychotherapy and oh my God, I can not recommend it enough people. If you are able to afford it, it is a blessing for those like me trying to get to the bottom of their issues.
I have identified some key steps below that, for me at least, are crucial in this long road to recovery.
1) Finding out what our issue is. I know, this seems a no-brainer, right? We have health anxiety. Simple! But I've realised that for many, like me, it's a bit more complicated than that. Through just three sessions of psychotherapy, I have discovered that I actually have some deep seated self esteem and guilt issues which make me believe that I don't deserve the wonderful life I have now, and that the only way that karma can be rebalanced is if I get some awful illness and die tragically young. For other people it may be a fear of death due to not having done all they want, or maybe a fear of being out of control for deep seated psychological reasons. Whatever it is, Health Anxiety is different for everyone. We are not just a label but very much individual and have to fight our individual issues to fully recover.
2) Learning to trust our doctors. And forcing ourselves to follow through - We need to stop thinking we know more than doctors and pushing and pushing for every test going. It doesn't help. Find a doctor that you like and who, in your moments when you are not having an episode, you trust. Say to them "I have health anxiety. While I don't want to rule out tests that are medically necessary, please dont refer me for tests just to put my mind at ease. Refer me when you think you need to". I did that with my doctor and it was hard initially. I was convinced that some arm/shoulder/back pain was lung cancer and once wept in her office when she said she didn't think I needed even a chest x-ray. But I made myself follow her advice, not my anxiety. And now, even though the pain is still there, I am not obsessing about lung cancer. OK, I have my moments - I'm not fully recovered yet! - but I am so glad I had that conversation with her as it has broken the cycle, even if I had moments where I wanted to get back in it.
3) Perspective and common sense - My aforementioned arm pain was put down to shoulder and bicep tendonitis. I initially discarded that as out of hand because hey, that's usually caused by a sports injury and I didn't have one of those! It didn't fit the normal symptoms and I didn't fit the normal profile for someone with that! And yet, I had no problem believing that I had lung cancer - despite not fitting the normal symptoms and profile for that either, as well as it being much much rarer. I see that a lot on this board. The harmless, simple diagnosis dismissed because it doesn't quite fit every single symptom, but the most sinister and rare disease being seen as likely despite it not matching symptoms/being much more rare/sometimes a book full of negative test results. I mean really, what is most likely? An unusual (as in, not textbook Dr Google) presentation of a common illness or an unusual (as in, missed by a real doctor) presentation of a rare and deadly illness?
I also did the math once and realised that statistically, it is approximately 2000 times more likely that I will die in a car crash this year than get lung cancer at my age. But I don't write my last will and testament every time I take a trip to Sainsburys for milk because, well, that would be silly.
We also have to look at our past fears. If you've had that exact same chest pain many times over the last year, it's not a heart attack. If your glands have been swollen since you can remember and you've had no other symptoms, they are probably not swollen.
4) We have to make ourselves change - battling health anxiety is not always easy. I've had wobbles already. It's taken me right out of my comfort zone and the lack of reassurance is sometimes scary. But guys, it's worth it. With every day, I feel more like the real me. I still have the pain that crippled me with terror 2 months ago but I'm functioning again. I'm enjoying life - and I'm not even fully recovered yet!
As hard as it is, you have to force yourself to reassure yourself, to trust your doctors and to look outside of your fears to the world around you.
I stopped smoking because I was scared of lung cancer. I lost weight and now do yoga because I'm scared of other diseases. And each of these changes, made from fear initially, have decreased my anxiety.
We have to seek out the ways to get better, whether that's meds, CBT, psychotherapy or trying lifestyle changes. And all of them come at some kind of short term cost whether it's financial, mental or effort. But the rewards are immense if we can get past that.
5) Accepting that life is finite, no matter what we do - A common assumption about health anxiety is that we all overestimate the fragility of life. On the contrary, I think we underestimate just how fragile life is and how little time we get on this Earth. We think that we'll enjoy life more once our current health worry has gone. We think that if we rush to the doctor and demand more and more tests, we are protecting our lives. In the meantime, with every day, we get closer to death. Another day focusing on ones own health and worries is another day gone. I've decided that if my time is up tomorrow, next week or next month, I don't want the last memories my husband and son have of me to be of the self obsessed hypochondriac. I want their memories to be of the lively, loving and kind wife and mother that I am underneath. Sure, this has meant doing some Oscar-worthy acting and it's not always easy. But you know what? The more I act like I'm fine, the more I believe that I am.
The sad fact is, people do get awful diseases and it is heart breaking. But they cope. If you get one, you will find that you do too. But chances are, you don't right now. Don't risk looking back on this time kicking yourself for wasting your years of health.
And having done preaching, all the best and warmest wishes for you all. I'll let you all know when I'm even further on my road to recovery.
I hope you are all doing well. I have popped in to say hello and give a bit of an update and thoughts on my journey towards recovery. Maybe they may help someone? Not sure, but I'll try.
I have had 3 rounds of psychotherapy and oh my God, I can not recommend it enough people. If you are able to afford it, it is a blessing for those like me trying to get to the bottom of their issues.
I have identified some key steps below that, for me at least, are crucial in this long road to recovery.
1) Finding out what our issue is. I know, this seems a no-brainer, right? We have health anxiety. Simple! But I've realised that for many, like me, it's a bit more complicated than that. Through just three sessions of psychotherapy, I have discovered that I actually have some deep seated self esteem and guilt issues which make me believe that I don't deserve the wonderful life I have now, and that the only way that karma can be rebalanced is if I get some awful illness and die tragically young. For other people it may be a fear of death due to not having done all they want, or maybe a fear of being out of control for deep seated psychological reasons. Whatever it is, Health Anxiety is different for everyone. We are not just a label but very much individual and have to fight our individual issues to fully recover.
2) Learning to trust our doctors. And forcing ourselves to follow through - We need to stop thinking we know more than doctors and pushing and pushing for every test going. It doesn't help. Find a doctor that you like and who, in your moments when you are not having an episode, you trust. Say to them "I have health anxiety. While I don't want to rule out tests that are medically necessary, please dont refer me for tests just to put my mind at ease. Refer me when you think you need to". I did that with my doctor and it was hard initially. I was convinced that some arm/shoulder/back pain was lung cancer and once wept in her office when she said she didn't think I needed even a chest x-ray. But I made myself follow her advice, not my anxiety. And now, even though the pain is still there, I am not obsessing about lung cancer. OK, I have my moments - I'm not fully recovered yet! - but I am so glad I had that conversation with her as it has broken the cycle, even if I had moments where I wanted to get back in it.
3) Perspective and common sense - My aforementioned arm pain was put down to shoulder and bicep tendonitis. I initially discarded that as out of hand because hey, that's usually caused by a sports injury and I didn't have one of those! It didn't fit the normal symptoms and I didn't fit the normal profile for someone with that! And yet, I had no problem believing that I had lung cancer - despite not fitting the normal symptoms and profile for that either, as well as it being much much rarer. I see that a lot on this board. The harmless, simple diagnosis dismissed because it doesn't quite fit every single symptom, but the most sinister and rare disease being seen as likely despite it not matching symptoms/being much more rare/sometimes a book full of negative test results. I mean really, what is most likely? An unusual (as in, not textbook Dr Google) presentation of a common illness or an unusual (as in, missed by a real doctor) presentation of a rare and deadly illness?
I also did the math once and realised that statistically, it is approximately 2000 times more likely that I will die in a car crash this year than get lung cancer at my age. But I don't write my last will and testament every time I take a trip to Sainsburys for milk because, well, that would be silly.
We also have to look at our past fears. If you've had that exact same chest pain many times over the last year, it's not a heart attack. If your glands have been swollen since you can remember and you've had no other symptoms, they are probably not swollen.
4) We have to make ourselves change - battling health anxiety is not always easy. I've had wobbles already. It's taken me right out of my comfort zone and the lack of reassurance is sometimes scary. But guys, it's worth it. With every day, I feel more like the real me. I still have the pain that crippled me with terror 2 months ago but I'm functioning again. I'm enjoying life - and I'm not even fully recovered yet!
As hard as it is, you have to force yourself to reassure yourself, to trust your doctors and to look outside of your fears to the world around you.
I stopped smoking because I was scared of lung cancer. I lost weight and now do yoga because I'm scared of other diseases. And each of these changes, made from fear initially, have decreased my anxiety.
We have to seek out the ways to get better, whether that's meds, CBT, psychotherapy or trying lifestyle changes. And all of them come at some kind of short term cost whether it's financial, mental or effort. But the rewards are immense if we can get past that.
5) Accepting that life is finite, no matter what we do - A common assumption about health anxiety is that we all overestimate the fragility of life. On the contrary, I think we underestimate just how fragile life is and how little time we get on this Earth. We think that we'll enjoy life more once our current health worry has gone. We think that if we rush to the doctor and demand more and more tests, we are protecting our lives. In the meantime, with every day, we get closer to death. Another day focusing on ones own health and worries is another day gone. I've decided that if my time is up tomorrow, next week or next month, I don't want the last memories my husband and son have of me to be of the self obsessed hypochondriac. I want their memories to be of the lively, loving and kind wife and mother that I am underneath. Sure, this has meant doing some Oscar-worthy acting and it's not always easy. But you know what? The more I act like I'm fine, the more I believe that I am.
The sad fact is, people do get awful diseases and it is heart breaking. But they cope. If you get one, you will find that you do too. But chances are, you don't right now. Don't risk looking back on this time kicking yourself for wasting your years of health.
And having done preaching, all the best and warmest wishes for you all. I'll let you all know when I'm even further on my road to recovery.