volacxjo
04-11-13, 18:35
Hi everyone! :D
Now that I've got the first line, my mind has gone blank. :huh:
I should start with a rough introduction. Sorry if it turns into a rant...
I'm 24, male and from N. Ireland. I've always been a bit of a socially-awkward person, but I was always known as being really laid-back.
Throughout my teens, I developed a manageable level of social anxiety - things like not liking to walk through town on my own, or the feeling of being watched and judged etc etc. I never had panic attacks though, at least not for a few years.
About two years ago I had my first panic attack. I had been living in England for three years, and this was the day I was moving back to Ireland. It had been a stressful week trying to get everything I owned boxed up and safely en route home, so it was probably waiting to happen.
Fifteen minutes before I went to get my taxi to the airport, it hit me. At first I couldn't breathe and I felt dizzy. I had to go outside to get relief from the cool air. I had no idea what was happening to me, and like many first panic attack sufferers, I thought I has dying.
I remember phoning an ambulance and explaining my symptoms. They told me to leave the front door open and wait in the living room. I remember that I began to tidy up my belongings. I felt like if I was going to die, I wanted everything to be in order at least. I sat on the sofa and waited for them to come.
Two paramedics and two trainees eventually came, and diagnosed a panic attack. I felt so embarrassed and apologised for a good ten minutes before they left.
I managed to get on the plane and get home safely, but still the panic remained.
Over the next few months, I suffered frequent panic attacks that caused what I think was a slow, progressive destruction of my ego and sanity. I had times where I was watching TV, and suddenly one would hit - and I would feel like I was losing my mind. Other times, they would hit right before bed, and I would feel like I was going to cause myself harm by accidentally jumping out the window or something. For months I could only sleep with the light on, and Radio 4 playing in the background to keep me company.
I was given propranolol and diazepam by my GP. The diazapem was quickly thrown out as I hated how it dulled my senses. The propranolol stayed for the best part of the last two years. I managed to get off it earlier in the year, but not without a lot of hard work!
Right now, I don't have any serious panic attacks. I have spent the last two years clearing out the rubble from my shattered ego, and trying to build something newer, stronger, and better. I have been through hell, and sat in despair, unable to visualise the future through my fear, and felt more alone than I could ever explain.
But, things have gotten better. I still suffer from generalised anxiety which manifests in strange ways, like needing to pee every two minutes when I'm at work or out, and getting weird physiological effects like tunnel vision every time I get stressed.
Every day is a battle, but it's not one that needs to be fought alone. I joined this site so I could get information, help and see that I am not the only person going through this right now. I also want to help other people as much as I can, by giving advice or even just listening. I wouldn't wish anxiety or panic disorders on the most evil of men, so I mean to do as much as I can to assist those who need it... and maybe make a new friend or two on the way! :yesyes:
Peace!
- Dean
Now that I've got the first line, my mind has gone blank. :huh:
I should start with a rough introduction. Sorry if it turns into a rant...
I'm 24, male and from N. Ireland. I've always been a bit of a socially-awkward person, but I was always known as being really laid-back.
Throughout my teens, I developed a manageable level of social anxiety - things like not liking to walk through town on my own, or the feeling of being watched and judged etc etc. I never had panic attacks though, at least not for a few years.
About two years ago I had my first panic attack. I had been living in England for three years, and this was the day I was moving back to Ireland. It had been a stressful week trying to get everything I owned boxed up and safely en route home, so it was probably waiting to happen.
Fifteen minutes before I went to get my taxi to the airport, it hit me. At first I couldn't breathe and I felt dizzy. I had to go outside to get relief from the cool air. I had no idea what was happening to me, and like many first panic attack sufferers, I thought I has dying.
I remember phoning an ambulance and explaining my symptoms. They told me to leave the front door open and wait in the living room. I remember that I began to tidy up my belongings. I felt like if I was going to die, I wanted everything to be in order at least. I sat on the sofa and waited for them to come.
Two paramedics and two trainees eventually came, and diagnosed a panic attack. I felt so embarrassed and apologised for a good ten minutes before they left.
I managed to get on the plane and get home safely, but still the panic remained.
Over the next few months, I suffered frequent panic attacks that caused what I think was a slow, progressive destruction of my ego and sanity. I had times where I was watching TV, and suddenly one would hit - and I would feel like I was losing my mind. Other times, they would hit right before bed, and I would feel like I was going to cause myself harm by accidentally jumping out the window or something. For months I could only sleep with the light on, and Radio 4 playing in the background to keep me company.
I was given propranolol and diazepam by my GP. The diazapem was quickly thrown out as I hated how it dulled my senses. The propranolol stayed for the best part of the last two years. I managed to get off it earlier in the year, but not without a lot of hard work!
Right now, I don't have any serious panic attacks. I have spent the last two years clearing out the rubble from my shattered ego, and trying to build something newer, stronger, and better. I have been through hell, and sat in despair, unable to visualise the future through my fear, and felt more alone than I could ever explain.
But, things have gotten better. I still suffer from generalised anxiety which manifests in strange ways, like needing to pee every two minutes when I'm at work or out, and getting weird physiological effects like tunnel vision every time I get stressed.
Every day is a battle, but it's not one that needs to be fought alone. I joined this site so I could get information, help and see that I am not the only person going through this right now. I also want to help other people as much as I can, by giving advice or even just listening. I wouldn't wish anxiety or panic disorders on the most evil of men, so I mean to do as much as I can to assist those who need it... and maybe make a new friend or two on the way! :yesyes:
Peace!
- Dean