Not sure what is going on with me

[hello1984]

Hi all

I hope some will take the time to read my story and offer some advice!

I have never before suffered with anxiety, panic attacks or depression, however back in early October, I was traveling on the train, quite comfortable and happily reading the paper. Suddenly I felt strange, I cannot explain it, but I felt as if something was not right. I tried to carry on as normal, but things escalated. I got up, walked down the train, went back to my seat before announcing to some concerned looking passengers that i was going to pass out.

It all went very wrong thereafter. I went into a state. Chest pains, numbness, shortness of breath, weakness, cramp, shaking and fear. The fear I will never forget. The emergency button was pressed and the train stopped at the next station. I was attended to by a paramedic and he told me I had a panic attack. I refuse to accept this, I was happy and traveling by my preferred method of transport. I went to hospital at my request and was given an ecg etc, it was deemed I had a hyperventalation episode and was given a dose of valium. It did not help. On the way home and in a car (someone came to get me) I had repeated albeit smaller episodes of the same symptoms, mainly my throat closing, sob and numbness.

Refusing to accept it was pabic or anxiety, i went to a&e the next day as I was still feeling uncomfortable. I had the full works, bloods, ecg etc and all was fine. I was discharged

It took a few days, but I was pretty much back to normal and did not miss work, which I love. I travelled in a car and felt unusual after this episode, but i managed to get through. I also had a mini funny turn in a board room, but again i managed.

Weeks passed, absolutely fine. Day ro day had no issues and thought it was just a bug. I decided to go back on the train and low and behold, the moment the train pulled away, I went numb and had short breath. At the exact point my first episode happened I nearly loat it again, but started breathing in a bag and regained control. Although I made the 150 mile journey, i was a mess on arrival. Very numb. Stayed at a friends that night, went to get on the train the next morning and lost it. I had to get off, i just could not face it. I was raken home by car and was numb and sob all the way home, although controlled.

Once again, a couple of daya after this event, i was okay again. My work performance gas not dropped and day to day is fine. I decided to see the hospital doctor (I am a hospital manager) and she referred me for councilling, which i start soon.

I have been okay for the past couple of weeks, including car and bus travel, however I have had a few minor blips, they went within seconds. I cannot face a train yet

So i thought once again this was over, until i went to the public fireworks yesterday, an event I adore. Mid way through, i felt the same funny turn again and started getting numb. I had to back away out of the crowd. I only felt better once home.

I still find it hard to accept anxiety. I have a good life, married with a kid and full of life. At least I was until this happened. Now I cannot get on a train nor entertain a coach to see friends. I am fine in other public places, still go out without thought be it shopping, for dinner, to friends etc however i would rather walk.



I cannot carry on like this, i think the fact i feel finee in myself makes it harder. I am constantly 'googling' things to check things, but i guess this does not help. I just dont get it, i feel gutted really. Its almost like i want it to be something obviously diagnosed and not anxiety, but everything pinpoints to it.

Thank you for reading, any advice or aupport would really be appreciated. Sorry for any typos i am using a mobile. For the record i am 28, moderate drinker & smoker, no drugs but dabbled when younger, happilly married with a child, steady and happy job, good friends.

Thank you

[Tufty]

:welcome:
It does sound like you are having panic attacks. Even if you like your job, are happy with your life and have no obvious major stressors, just living in the 21st century means we are subject to stress on a daily basis. I would never have said I was a stressey person or worry much about stuff but still suffer from panic attacks, I can't rationalise it but my genes, history, environment etc. has resulting in me experiencing sensitised nerves and bursts of adrenaline.

I would advise you to cut down on the cigs and alcohol, stop googling your symptoms - accept that it is anxiety, try to eat a varied diet and drink enough fluids. Most importantly treat yourself compassionately, don't push yourself too hard - you will overcome this in time and without pushing yourself, try to keep as normal a routine as possible. Try not to avoid things but it would be reasonable to avoid trains until you have seen a counsellor. Claire Weekes has written several great books on panic disorder and is a good place to start learning more about your symptoms and more importantly what you can do to start reversing the patterns of panic you are experiencing.
x

[MRS STRESS ED]

sorry to hear your not so good ,I was the same I just couldn't except it was anxiety ,but it was and it is ,I would like to :welcome:you there is lots of help and support here

[hello1984]

Thank you for your words.

I do admit, prior to posting on this site I thought of myself as unique case, however having read your replies and other stories, this is pretty common.

I just find it difficult to accept. The first one was on a train and so sudden. I love trains, use them twice a month and find them relaxing. The thought of not getting on a train upsets me, however I am pretty sure now it would just be a repeat if I tried.

As mentioned, i have been fine recently until feeling uncomfortable at the firework display. The only big 'attack' I have had was the very first, all others have been controllled. I refuse to let this dictate my life and will do whatever is possible to get back to normal, however I do not want to medicate if possible.

[Col]

Hi , u say u are happy but sometimes I think anxiety/ panic doesn't have to have a connection with stress , unhappiness etc. Maybe your run down or doing too much???

I was on a post grad course in town , used to study everyday, then had a breakdown 2011 severe/ acute panic attacks at uni , I didn't return to town for 6 months I became so frightened & didn't know what the hell was going on that I became agrophobic.

Maybe when it very first happened you physically were unwell & then the confinement of the train & symptoms lead to panic. Because this scared you now it's worried you to the point you've experienced similar episodes since.

This sounds like classic panic attacks.

Moderate smoker /drinker - cut it all out now. See the councillor & please don't dr google x

[chrismanc]

I'm sure your story is similar to loads of others on here.

I didn't see myself as an anxious person and wasn't stressed when I had my first panic attack. I was on my way to meet good friends for a meal in Manchester, felt dizzy in Victoria Station, told one of the staff I was going to pass out and then had a massive crushing pain in my chest. I told the staff I was having a heart attack and they called 999. 5 hours later I left A&E pleased to have been told my heart was ok and it 'was just a panic attack' (the doctors words not mine)

I didn't realise then what a massive effect it would have on my life. I was fine for the two weeks after that but then on holiday, I had another panic attack whilst sat in the sun on the balcony (when I should have been at my most relaxed). This time it really scared me and the panic didn't go away for the rest of the holiday. I was convinced I was going mad and even told my partner I thought I would have to be sectioned when we for back to the UK.
I've had CBT and a course of Prozac and saw loads of improvement.

The best thing you can do is to accept it is anxiety and not look google your symptoms. I fell into that trap and it doesn't do you any good, just makes you more anxious when you experience symptoms. I would also recommend Claire Weekes books. They really helped me understand what was going on with my body and begin the road to recovery.

Best wishes,
Chris x