My life is one big Panic at the minute.

[venusbluejeans]

Hi All,

well the title says it all really :mad:

I am on day 20 of Citalopram 20mg and life really hasn't been plain sailing, I have had a few good days but mostly life has been pretty much grim and one long panic Attack. This is after a month free of Citalopram after I came off them cold turkey while I was on holiday (not the best plan)

On Sunday I managed to go to my Aunts 80th birthday, really because My mum wanted to go and I didn't want to be alone, yep that's right I am 35 and still need my Mum..... I stayed there for a couple of hours amongst family and actually managed to eat a little while I was out

For me Eating has been a big problem, I am just never hungry, if I could go all day without eating I could... I know I know NOT the way to deal with Panic Attacks and anxiety but it is just how I am at the minute, having to force myself to eat.

Anyway for the past 2 days I really feel like I have hit a brick wall, where as before I was having my good times since I got up yesterday I have been having constant panic attacks. I sit bawling my eyes out and can't stop, I can not think straight which then makes me panic more, nothing seems real.

It just feels like I am in constant battle with my brain and at the minute my brain is winning and I have no idea how to cope with the thoughts I am having and the panics I am having.

I have read and listened to many different approaches to dealing with panic and Anxiety and to be honest they have totally confused me even more than my brain already was, so I have given up reading or listening to anything as I don't know what to think about how to cope with things

If I am honest I have no idea whatsoever what actually triggered my attacks this time, there was no trigger that I can think of, which makes them even more difficult to deal with as I don't know what to change to make them 'better'......... it is very hard to change things when you don't know what the cause is.

I went to see the Dr today as I needed to go to see if I could get a 'fit note' as I have been signed off JSA as I can not look for work successfully, no matter how much I want to at the minute...... which of course would help me as it would get me out of the house and give me purpose in my life which I don't now...... a big vicious circle!!

Anyway I came away with the fit note (for a month) A prescription for Diazapam, Some more Propranalol, both of which I can take 3 times a day to help the anxiety and also some Antibiotics for a Toe infection to take 4 times a day.......on top of that I have my normal 20mg Citalopram and I also take a multi vitamin and some omega 3 fish oil.......if I take them all then I will rattle!!

I am not even sure why I am writing this thread I think I just needed a rant really, maybe someone could help make sense of things for me, help me understand the best way to deal with things........I know I have to keep taking steps forward but at the minute every day is a long hard struggle.

Emmz :flowers:

[Annie0904]

Oh Emmz I am so sorry you are having a blip at the moment. That is what it is...a blip and it will improve. Sometimes it is just our bodies way of telling us to take time out. I can think of better ways to take time out, but that is how it seems to happen to us anxious ones :). Food is a big thing with me too and as soon as the anxiety starts off I can't eat, can't even watch people eating on TV!
Hopefully those meds with kick in soon and that along with focusing on every little positive thing will help you feel well again. Sending you hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Tessar]

Nowt wrong with having a rant, Emmz. Really sorry to hear how much you are struggling at the mo. if this were someone new to the site I'd reassure them that they have come to the right place for support and how lovely everyone is here. Well, it's still the same because I think it's great that you have shared how you feel because now we can all help you through.
I don't feel like I am any great expert on anxiety but I think having some sort if routine is good for you. As regards job hunting, when you do feel like it, you are welcome to get in touch with me because I know more than a thing or two about looking for work.
Meanwhile, well, you know the drill. You know it's Important to look after yourself but I am telling you to. Even if you don't have an appetite, it is worth eating just a bit, a few times a day. Just something to keep your body going. Only needs to be a few bites.
Sending you lots if warm, supportive hugs my dear. Oh and I think that there is nothing wrong at all with still needing your mum. There have been times I've needed mine but haven't been able to lean on her so i find it heartwarming that she can be there for you. And also you did well going out.
See if you can keep a routine going because I can guarantee that structure is good for you. Even if you don't feel like doing stuff, it does pay to do a few bits every day. Nothing too strenuous but it's worth it. Even a stroll. That is something that always makes me feel better. It lifts my mood. How about thinking if two things a day that u can do which will lift your mood?
Byeeee for Now, must go get some beauty sleep (ha ha).

[pinkdove]

:hugs: day 20 is still early days on cit i was exactly the same as you up and down no appetite and feeling panicky all the time

well doneon going to the party i know how hard that is when you are feeling anxious it can be really exhausing what you are feeling is probably still the start up effects of the cit i know i felt worse before i started to feel better

im sure things will improve for you son hun and having an infection will drag you down as well

take care of yourself and take one day at a time xx

[Elen]

Aww Emmz

So sorry to hear this. Not sure what to say hun, does it help if I say it all sounds fairly normal start up side effects. Sounds as though you could be experiencing de-realisation as well. I remember how scary that was when I had it, it freaked me right out.

You have done the hard bit hun and it should start to get easier. Use the diaz and prop to help you get over the worst of the symptoms.

It might not help right now but you have come on so much in the past 3 years and you will get back there again.

Hugs to you hun

Elen xxx

[MRS STRESS ED]

Aww sorry to hear your not doing so well at the moment ,hopefully your meds will start to work soon for you :hugs:wishing you well

[Daisy Sue]

Sorry to hear you're struggling, Emmz :(

Sometimes we can't ever figure out what the latest trigger is for our anxiety to be playing up.. I guess all we can do is try and deal with how we're feeling as & when it happens.

I'm sure you know all the common tricks & advice to try and get panic to subside, but maybe you could also try really pampering yourself for a couple of days.. lots of time out just for you, nice hot bubble baths, treat yourself to snack foods that are naughty but nice, and watch your favourite programmes/dvds in your pjs.

I hope you come out of this difficult phase and perk up soon!

[Tufty]

My life is one big panic at the moment too :weep:. On the positive side at least you know it's the medication that's making you feel this way and it's happened before when starting meds and you recovered - you will again.

Well done for going to the party the other day, it's normal to want someone around when we feel rough - I'm 43, married with teenagers but sometimes have to call my mum to come and hold me when I'm so scared I don't know what to do with myself. Crying is good - it will help decrease some of the panic, it may not feel like it does but it will release some of the fear.

I would try not to worry about the trigger, it doesn't really matter, I've never been able to find one for my panic. That is something you can work on when you're feeling better, for now the trigger is the medication - it's crap I know but it seems that many of us have to go through this hell to come out the other side.

Try not to battle with your brain and overthink things, it is what it is. I try and visualise the drugs working inside my brain - repairing neurotransmitters and boosting hormones and rationalise that it's this change that is causing the horrible feelings but it is also a sign that the drugs are doing something, even if it doesn't seem positive at the moment.

Everyone's advice is right, eat, rest, be compassionate to yourself, try to do small things everyday - get dressed, shower, do a puzzle - anything just to pass the time. This will pass, it always does.

:bighug1: Sam

[Emphyrio]

I've seen this fairly regularly - if someone cold turkeys a medication and then tried to reinstate it a month or so down the line, then sometimes they experience a bad reaction to the medication that takes a while to go away. You could keep going on 20mg and hope to stabilise, or maybe try 10mg and see if thats better (you could always return to 20mg after you feel stable).

If you want to get off medication, the best route appears to be a slow taper. I'm not talking the kind of taper that a GP would recommend, I'm talking about one that lasts maybe a year at the minimum.

The longest period of time I've been without any antidepressants has been 8 months - simply because I didn't taper slowly enough. I now know that it can take many months for the brain to readjust after medication, but readjust it does eventually. If you feel more anxious/depressed after discontinuing a medication than you did before you ever took medication, then its not your original condition returning - its withdrawal.

---------- Post added at 00:31 ---------- Previous post was at 00:29 ----------

And I've said it before on a few threads - chamomile tea is a great way of taking the edge off anxiety. It doesn't have the effect that diazepam does but its very gentle and soothing - and tastes lovely with a spoon of honey.

[heatherjc]

the trigger for this was your cold turkey from your ad,s, it can take weeks for the full force of this to catch up with you, once you start to stabilise on it things will improve.
These are very powerful drugs which make structural changes in your brain killing off neurons, when you suddenly take these drugs away your brain is thrown into chaos, maybe not straight away, but when new neurons start to grow, please try not to worry, this is not the real you, your brain just needs to setle down again.

---------- Post added at 11:32 ---------- Previous post was at 11:31 ----------


I've seen this fairly regularly - if someone cold turkeys a medication and then tried to reinstate it a month or so down the line, then sometimes they experience a bad reaction to the medication that takes a while to go away. You could keep going on 20mg and hope to stabilise, or maybe try 10mg and see if thats better (you could always return to 20mg after you feel stable).

If you want to get off medication, the best route appears to be a slow taper. I'm not talking the kind of taper that a GP would recommend, I'm talking about one that lasts maybe a year at the minimum.

The longest period of time I've been without any antidepressants has been 8 months - simply because I didn't taper slowly enough. I now know that it can take many months for the brain to readjust after medication, but readjust it does eventually. If you feel more anxious/depressed after discontinuing a medication than you did before you ever took medication, then its not your original condition returning - its withdrawal.

---------- Post added at 00:31 ---------- Previous post was at 00:29 ----------

And I've said it before on a few threads - chamomile tea is a great way of taking the edge off anxiety. It doesn't have the effect that diazepam does but its very gentle and soothing - and tastes lovely with a spoon of honey.
Ditto to all of this too!

[AuntieMoosie]

http://i83.photobucket.com/albums/j318/moreslushymandy/Sels%20Collection/mandywalkingintherainhuntbysel.gif

Emmz.........come on under and share the shelter of my umbrella hun :)


It's a truly wicked thing this anxiety and panic stuff, but, you know what, I think you're doing great hun :)

I know you wont be feeling like that, but you are, because you are coping with it, even though it feels like you're not :)

Hun, if all of the different treatments and therapies are confusing you right now, just stop thinking about all of that for now, you don't need to add to how you're already feeling :)

Let yourself heal a bit more, let the citalopram kick in and start to help, as well as that, get plenty of rest, relaxation and sleep hun, it is vital for your recovery.

Just do lots of what you fancy when you fancy it, anything goes when we're feeling like this hun :)

Emmz it will pass, it will go and you WILL get better. I know that it's so blerdy hard to think of that when you feel so rotten, but it's true.

I think give yourself this time up until after Christmas to just concentrate on your recovery, nothing else matters right now hun, okay, it's just about you getting better :)

After Christmas, when you're feeling a bit more like yourself, you can study the various treatments and therapies in your own time and at your own pace and it will all be clearer then hun :)

You are such a lovely, kind and caring person and I hate to think of you going through this, but I know that you'll beat this and come through as our beloved Emmz, at the end of it :)

Look at my above picture, imagine that those rain drops are panic and anxiety,........they can't get us hun, cos we're under my brolly, they can only fall to the ground, form a puddle, and when they do, we'll go stamp, splash, scream and shout in them!!!! that'll show em!!!! :winks:

I'm thinking of you hun, and sending loads of hugs, love ya to bits. xxxxxxx

:hugs: :bighug1: :hugs: :bighug1: :hugs: :bighug1: :hugs: :bighug1: :hugs: :bighug1:

[Annie0904]

Auntie moosie that picture reminds me of my childhood. I think if I remember right it is Mabel lucy Atwell? I had one of her picture books with nursery rhymes and I loved it.

[AuntieMoosie]

You're right Annie :)

It's one that was made for me many years ago now, and I love it just as much now, as I did then :D

[pinkdove]

i love your picture too aunty moose really cheered me up this morning

emmz hope you are feeling a bit better hun xx

[Tufty]

Moosie that is so moving, it's brought me to tears. I love the analogy with the umbrella.
Thank you, it has helped me too.
Sam x

[clio51]

:) it's so cute the pic moosie, your so cleverrrr with you graphics!

Emmz, sending panic free hugs:bighug1:

[venusbluejeans]

Thank you all so much for your replies and hugs, they are very much appreciated.

Moosie moo you made me cry :'( thank you so much xxx

Today I am having a really bad day, I can't think straight or concentrate on anything so finding it impossible to distract myself from panicking..... I have this feeling that I don't belong and that is making me panic too.

I have diazapam but when I took one the other day I felt so much worse the next day and I am not sure I can hack feeling worse than today,

I took a propranolol (40mg) at 2 and even that hasn't done anything to help today

I know I have to take one day at a time as I am only on day 22 of citalopram but I am really struggling with this brain fog, and struggling to cope at all at the minute.

[Tessar]

I'm not surprised Moosie moo made you cry - that was a lovely post.
Sorry you are having a really bad day, emmz. keep hanging in there because with a little more time you will get there and these awful feelings of anxiety will pass. are you able to do much at the moment? I don't know what your fav hobbies & things are but what might you be able to do to keep busy in some way? meanwhile these are for you......:bighug1::grouphug: :hugs: :bighug1::grouphug: :hugs: :bighug1::grouphug: :hugs::bighug1::grouphug: :hugs: :bighug1::grouphug: :hugs: :bighug1::grouphug: :hugs: