Pewkz
06-11-13, 11:53
Hey i have been browsing the forums for about a week and wanted to introduce myself and tell you a bit about what i am going through at the moment
I am Alexandra im 31 and i have been suffering since i was 14 , i didnt understand what panic disorder was or OCD or SOcial Phobia was when i first starting suffering , i thought i was going mental , i had the tight band around my head for months it terrified me , i was convinced something was seriously wrong with me , that was the start of my health anxiety ,
I went through a rough time in my late teens and it all came back but i was suffering from even worse panic attacks and derealization , i had never taken anti depressants but i needed to do something i really could not face feeling the way i did anymore , So i went to the doctors and told him i was going mad , He replied with you aren't or you would not be saying this , it gave me a reassurance and he prescribed me 20mg of paroxetine , it kicked in pretty quick , and it transformed me ... it made me see just how bad i had been and why the hell was i freaking out over such little things ..
well for the most part my social anxiety has always been there and i have had crazy episodes of health anxiety but nothing like i have experienced this last year ...
last july i found a small lump in my breast , as i suffer from HA you can understand the extreme fear that was inflicted upon me the moment i found it ... i could not rest , i could not relax , i was 24/7 in high alert ... i went to the doctors who refered me to the hospital who gave me a scan ... they said it was nothing , i should have felt happy but i felt they had missed something ... back to the doctors for a referral to another hospital and again they scanned me and nothing again , its nothing to worry about ..
My mind didnt agree so it punished me for a few more months ... dec 2012 to march 2013 were not bad ...
Then i got hit with a massive panic attack .. palps ... and a constant inner vibrating feeling ... it SCARED the life out of me , i have never experienced that inner shaking ... waking up in the middle of the night with adrenaline surging through me ... i went to the hospital for the first time since i started this horrible journey when i was 14 i was in the hospital getting an ecg..
which turned out fine ... ><
because i was waking up in the night with attacks , i started fearing going to sleep ... and asking people not to turn off the bathroom light at night ... im 31 ffs :(
i had been abroad since i was 11 or on an aeroplane and i had to go to Italy this past august for my partners brothers wedding ... i had no choice but to go .... i have never been so scared in my life .. on the journey there i started getitng depersonalization and on the flight i literally passed out with fear .. spent the entire time worrying bout coming back , although i had a lovely time , it was horrible ! i got home the depersonalization is with me 24.7 my panic attacks are through the roof , i went to the doctors again and asked for paroxetine , i was told they dont normally give this the first time , but because i had taken it before ok ... gave me 20 mg .. i took one tablet and omg. NEVER again ... my pupils went huge , i had extreme panic that i just could not deal with , i kept freaking out in the night the room was a weird colour nightmares , sweating .. no .. NEVER again ... i think this has reinforced my depersonazliation as it was an extreme reaction something i have NEVER had before with paroxetine...
so im in a mess right now wondering if im going mental again and wether i will be needing to book myself in somewhere .. which i know is stupid because if i did i wouldnt be writing this .. this feeling is just horrendous ... i am booked in to see the doctor at 2.50 today i am going to ask to be started off on 5mg of Escitalopram and work my way up .. 20mg of paroxetine was WAY to much for me this time ...
I also bought some inositol , after reading about it here , hopefully turn up tomorrow , !
and also have my assessment on the phone next monday for help with anxiety and what not from the mental health team , which i heard about from the doctor last time i visited ,
I will not be beaten by this ! i got through it once and i will get through it again ... I just wish i didn't need meds , but they helped me 100 % before and i see no shame in them , i really cant go on like this anymore , that much i know !
Sorry i wrote so much once i started i couldnt stop ! x
I am Alexandra im 31 and i have been suffering since i was 14 , i didnt understand what panic disorder was or OCD or SOcial Phobia was when i first starting suffering , i thought i was going mental , i had the tight band around my head for months it terrified me , i was convinced something was seriously wrong with me , that was the start of my health anxiety ,
I went through a rough time in my late teens and it all came back but i was suffering from even worse panic attacks and derealization , i had never taken anti depressants but i needed to do something i really could not face feeling the way i did anymore , So i went to the doctors and told him i was going mad , He replied with you aren't or you would not be saying this , it gave me a reassurance and he prescribed me 20mg of paroxetine , it kicked in pretty quick , and it transformed me ... it made me see just how bad i had been and why the hell was i freaking out over such little things ..
well for the most part my social anxiety has always been there and i have had crazy episodes of health anxiety but nothing like i have experienced this last year ...
last july i found a small lump in my breast , as i suffer from HA you can understand the extreme fear that was inflicted upon me the moment i found it ... i could not rest , i could not relax , i was 24/7 in high alert ... i went to the doctors who refered me to the hospital who gave me a scan ... they said it was nothing , i should have felt happy but i felt they had missed something ... back to the doctors for a referral to another hospital and again they scanned me and nothing again , its nothing to worry about ..
My mind didnt agree so it punished me for a few more months ... dec 2012 to march 2013 were not bad ...
Then i got hit with a massive panic attack .. palps ... and a constant inner vibrating feeling ... it SCARED the life out of me , i have never experienced that inner shaking ... waking up in the middle of the night with adrenaline surging through me ... i went to the hospital for the first time since i started this horrible journey when i was 14 i was in the hospital getting an ecg..
which turned out fine ... ><
because i was waking up in the night with attacks , i started fearing going to sleep ... and asking people not to turn off the bathroom light at night ... im 31 ffs :(
i had been abroad since i was 11 or on an aeroplane and i had to go to Italy this past august for my partners brothers wedding ... i had no choice but to go .... i have never been so scared in my life .. on the journey there i started getitng depersonalization and on the flight i literally passed out with fear .. spent the entire time worrying bout coming back , although i had a lovely time , it was horrible ! i got home the depersonalization is with me 24.7 my panic attacks are through the roof , i went to the doctors again and asked for paroxetine , i was told they dont normally give this the first time , but because i had taken it before ok ... gave me 20 mg .. i took one tablet and omg. NEVER again ... my pupils went huge , i had extreme panic that i just could not deal with , i kept freaking out in the night the room was a weird colour nightmares , sweating .. no .. NEVER again ... i think this has reinforced my depersonazliation as it was an extreme reaction something i have NEVER had before with paroxetine...
so im in a mess right now wondering if im going mental again and wether i will be needing to book myself in somewhere .. which i know is stupid because if i did i wouldnt be writing this .. this feeling is just horrendous ... i am booked in to see the doctor at 2.50 today i am going to ask to be started off on 5mg of Escitalopram and work my way up .. 20mg of paroxetine was WAY to much for me this time ...
I also bought some inositol , after reading about it here , hopefully turn up tomorrow , !
and also have my assessment on the phone next monday for help with anxiety and what not from the mental health team , which i heard about from the doctor last time i visited ,
I will not be beaten by this ! i got through it once and i will get through it again ... I just wish i didn't need meds , but they helped me 100 % before and i see no shame in them , i really cant go on like this anymore , that much i know !
Sorry i wrote so much once i started i couldnt stop ! x