MrBananas
06-11-13, 19:55
Hello everyone,
I suffer from Pure-O OCD, which makes me obsess from everything of being schizophrenic, to being a serial killer and more. My latest obsession is Paranoid Personality Disorder, and this time I think I might actually have it.
These are some of the reasons why I think so:
- I was isolated for almost a year. Could have contacted some old friends in the area, but I didn't. I don't really know why, I just isolated myself although I wanted to have meaningful relationships.
- I've never had Facebook. I hate the place I grew up in, and some of the people from there were very mean. I like my privacy and would be afraid that someone saw my profile and "makes fun" (for a lack of better word) of me because of it.
- Extremely jealous when it comes to girlfriends. Had a girlfriend for a few months, didn't trust her at all. Fighting a lot because I didn't trust her, and actually I found out after the relationship was over that most of my concerns were true. She was cheating and lying to me. Only had one relationship after, and I was extremely scared of losing her. We didn't live in the same city, and if I didn't get a reply on my sms I would think something was wrong, and even if she was on the bus I would be scared of her finding a new guy on it. I don't know if it could be called paranoia, more extreme jealousy. I've not had a GF after this.
- Fear that I have a virus on my PC and that someone is monitoring my activity. This is not something I fear a lot, it's just in my back head sometimes. Especially at work (where they probably actually do monitor what you are doing on the internet). When I post on sites like this, I always make a new account. I am generally very private on the internet. I won't even share my online names with my friends, even though I don't write anything especially bad on forums (I guess I am slightly scared that the info will get "public" in a sense). I am careful of what I post online, scared of being "recognized".
- I have quite a hard time getting friends. I am a very friendly person, I talk easily with everyone
and I feel that people like me, however I have a hard time becoming friends with them. I am bad at taking initiative when it comes to hanging out with people.
- Episodes: I've had a few episodes that I am afraid were paranoid thoughts. The first and biggest one were one time 2 years ago when I found a PC network program installed on my PC. I thought that the guy I was living with had installed it on my PC to see what I did on the internet. I only believed it for a day or so, after he convinced me it wasn't him. Today, I started at a new job. I saw my colleague typing something on Skype to our boss, and the first thing I thought was "he is talking about me". I don't really believe he was though, but it's a very uncomfortable thought. There are a few more episodes that are minor.
- I get pretty easily irritated and annoyed by my friends, although less now than before. I often prefer being alone, and when I lived with some friends I spent the last couple of months by myself, just because I was so tired of them.
I am not generally irritated or suspect of other people, and I trust my family and my friends. I just recently have been tortured by paranoid thoughts, but I think they are because of my OCD. I like people, and I don't think I generally feel that someone is after me. I have a bad self image and feel that people don't have any interest of hanging out with me, but I think it's my fault. I now think I have PPD. I am a male in my mid twenties, and no one in my family has a personality disorder or schizophrenia. What do you think?
I suffer from Pure-O OCD, which makes me obsess from everything of being schizophrenic, to being a serial killer and more. My latest obsession is Paranoid Personality Disorder, and this time I think I might actually have it.
These are some of the reasons why I think so:
- I was isolated for almost a year. Could have contacted some old friends in the area, but I didn't. I don't really know why, I just isolated myself although I wanted to have meaningful relationships.
- I've never had Facebook. I hate the place I grew up in, and some of the people from there were very mean. I like my privacy and would be afraid that someone saw my profile and "makes fun" (for a lack of better word) of me because of it.
- Extremely jealous when it comes to girlfriends. Had a girlfriend for a few months, didn't trust her at all. Fighting a lot because I didn't trust her, and actually I found out after the relationship was over that most of my concerns were true. She was cheating and lying to me. Only had one relationship after, and I was extremely scared of losing her. We didn't live in the same city, and if I didn't get a reply on my sms I would think something was wrong, and even if she was on the bus I would be scared of her finding a new guy on it. I don't know if it could be called paranoia, more extreme jealousy. I've not had a GF after this.
- Fear that I have a virus on my PC and that someone is monitoring my activity. This is not something I fear a lot, it's just in my back head sometimes. Especially at work (where they probably actually do monitor what you are doing on the internet). When I post on sites like this, I always make a new account. I am generally very private on the internet. I won't even share my online names with my friends, even though I don't write anything especially bad on forums (I guess I am slightly scared that the info will get "public" in a sense). I am careful of what I post online, scared of being "recognized".
- I have quite a hard time getting friends. I am a very friendly person, I talk easily with everyone
and I feel that people like me, however I have a hard time becoming friends with them. I am bad at taking initiative when it comes to hanging out with people.
- Episodes: I've had a few episodes that I am afraid were paranoid thoughts. The first and biggest one were one time 2 years ago when I found a PC network program installed on my PC. I thought that the guy I was living with had installed it on my PC to see what I did on the internet. I only believed it for a day or so, after he convinced me it wasn't him. Today, I started at a new job. I saw my colleague typing something on Skype to our boss, and the first thing I thought was "he is talking about me". I don't really believe he was though, but it's a very uncomfortable thought. There are a few more episodes that are minor.
- I get pretty easily irritated and annoyed by my friends, although less now than before. I often prefer being alone, and when I lived with some friends I spent the last couple of months by myself, just because I was so tired of them.
I am not generally irritated or suspect of other people, and I trust my family and my friends. I just recently have been tortured by paranoid thoughts, but I think they are because of my OCD. I like people, and I don't think I generally feel that someone is after me. I have a bad self image and feel that people don't have any interest of hanging out with me, but I think it's my fault. I now think I have PPD. I am a male in my mid twenties, and no one in my family has a personality disorder or schizophrenia. What do you think?