Going to have X-ray tomorrow on my ribs and spine - petrified

[livethelife]

Hi again
if any of you have been following my anxiety about bone cancer over the last week then you will know i have been in quite a state worrying about myeloma (bone cancer).

I had blood work done last Friday - it was basic blood work - cbc, creatinine, crp etc. - it all came back normal - no red flags. but still i am worried.

today i ended up in a total state of anxiety- way too much googling of symptoms and still convinced i have myeloma.

so i took myself to the walk in clinic because I was a mess - my own doctor couldn't see me - the doctor i saw there was very kind and reassuring but she said that she felt that likely the only way for me to have peace of mind is to have an xray done of my spine and ribs. she didn't say that i had to get it done, it is up to me.

now i am even more of a mess. because of course if the xray shows nothing than that will be awesome - the problem of course is if something shows up - which it will if i have what i think i have.

i am so scared. i don't ever remember being this scared to have any test done. i keep thinking that tomorrow at this time my life could be totally different - for the very much worse.

the x-ray opens here at 7 a.m. - think i will try to be there for when it opens but i am so scared.

if you are someone who prays, please pray for me. i want to be brave enough to go thru with this xray but i am scared. on the other hand i know that i really have no choice but to get it done.

[nomorepanic]

It won't be bone cancer but until you get the x-ray you won't be reassured.

Good luck with it

[skippy66]

Unfortunately even having the X-ray is unlikely to provide long-term reassurance.

[livethelife]

In addition to this I have also set up an appt with a therapist next week and I have a rx for Paxil which i have taken in the past.

Not sure how i am going to get thru this tomorrow. I am an absolute wreck. I just don't see a good outcome here :(

[Tanner40]

Just breathe and accept the fact that you have anxiety. You won't be reassured until you fully let your mind accept that fact. I know it's hard. We all have to go through it but you can do it. Start thinking of some positive things and distract yourself. Work on a hobby or listen to some music that you like.
You have to allow yourself to believe in you.

[nomorepanic]

You are already setting yourself up for a fall by deciding you are going to die of some terrible illness.

It will be fine and if in the million to one chance it isn't then you will cope too.

[livethelife]

thank you all for your comments.

one stress i had (other than the obvious) is that i would be going alone for this xray. my husband has now taken the day off work and is coming with me. this helps me a lot even though he totally doesn't get it what i am so worked up about.

[livethelife]

an update - all is well! I am so happy. had xray this a.m. of my spine and ribs - back and front -my doctor called a couple of hours later to say that everything is clear and to enjoy my weekend. only thing that showed up was a bit of osteoarthritis in my spine.

thanks for supporting me thru all of this.
i will start seeing a therapist next week to hopefully get to the bottom of why i freak out over these kinds of things!
:yesyes:

[nomorepanic]

There you go see - all that worrying for nothing :yesyes:

Glad it is ok and please try not to now move on to something else or distrust the results :whistles:

[almamatters]

Really pleased all is ok for you, I can relate to how great the feeling of relief is, but I know from my own experience try not to start looking for other health related problems and good look with your therapy. xx

[livethelife]

thanks almamatters and nicola. what an amazing feeling of wellness i have tonight. i think i will sleep like a baby without the help of clonazepam :)

i wish i could always feel this way. i hated having this fear but i am so glad that i faced it and went and had the x-ray. this morning i got up at 6 a.m. so i could be one of the first in line for x-ray when they opened at 7. I so dreaded going - I really thought the result would be bad. it is so amazing what our minds can imagine I truly had myself already in the hospital this weekend starting treatments.

even though i think overall it is not good to be constantly chasing medical tests I think there are times when they just need to be done to break us out of the cycle. if they keep leading to more tests then that is not right. but i am done!! and will start working this thru next week so it hopefully won't come back around again anytime soon.