Help and advice needed

[Rosie82]

I am beside myself with worry. I want to just run away and never come back. I am having panic attacks all day, and can't cope anymore. I feel I am a terrible mother and wife because I can't cope with my anxiety. Why am I feeling like this? My husband and I found out our 17 year old son is smoking cannabis. I have feelings that I hate him, but I love him, I want him to stop. We have discussed it with him but he is quite defensive. He lives in our house but I feel like I want him to leave, he has no where to go. I feel he is my responsibility and it is driving me crazy. I am really scared I'm going to have a breakdown and that will make things worse for everyone. I feel so alone and so trapped. I have gathered all the information I can from websites and by speaking to people at ask Frank, but I'm still terrified. It's seems to me such a seedy way of life and can't understand why he has chosen to do it. I just want someone to take it all away and let me get over this nightmare. My once strong husband is crumbling too. I can't take much more. Thank you for reading. :weep:

[cymraig_chris]

Everything you describe is completely normal.

[Rennie1989]

I understand why you feel so strongly about cannabis. What is he being defensive about?

It's normal to feel anxious during this time. Is there anything else that could be triggering the anxiety too?

[bakergirl]

Hi, your post touched a nerve with me. We had a similar prob with our youngest son when he was that age. I wanted to tell you that this terribly worrying phase with your son will pass. Be strong . My son is 34 now and a decent kind man. We have had many different ups and downs but we get on well now. I know how you are feeling like running away. Try and talk to someone out the family -- that might really help you. Know that you are doing the best you can as a mother.

[Lilharry]

It's normal for cannibis/drug users to act defensive when confronted - cannabis can make people very paranoid. In fact this is a typical response. I think you need to sit down with your husband and come up with a plan that you both agree to. I think the first step would be to get some help for you son. You are going to have to accept that there is no easy fix and things might not go to plan, but at least if you have a good plan and the backing of each other you can be strong for each other adn your son. I would recommend contacting a local drug counsellor and getting some advice about next steps. You probably feel the way you do because you don't know what to do or what you're up against. If you get some really good advice you will start to feel more sure and this will alleviate some of the anxiety. These things are never easy, but try to look at it as a learningn experience. If you can all be there for each other you will be closer than ever, and while yes, it's horrible, it's also a part of experiencing life and learning to have things like this happen. One day you may even be grateful for the opportunity because it will have taught you so much.