Introduction, long and pregnancy loss mentioned.

[barbie]

Hi all,

I'm Carla, I'm 25 and am currently suffering from anxiety, possibly triggered by post traumatic stress.

On 29th January 2005, I was just over 20 weeks pregnant with identical twin girls. I had been very very poorly with a water infection, and had been laid up in bed for about 3 days, but I had started to feel better, and was up and about at home with my parents. My partner was away on business.

I started to feel like I had very bad constipation, but soon realised I was actually going into labour. My parents had called the hospital and were getting a bag together for me, whilst I was on all fours on my bed, trying desperately not to push. All of a sudden, I felt a huge pushing sensation, that I couldnt control, and something came gushing out of me. I screamed, and realised my waters had broken. In that split second, my life was turned completely upside down, and nothing has been the same since.

I got to the hospital, but it was too late. Grace was born first, alive but far too small to live. Joni followed later, she had died in the womb.

Obviously the past (nearly) 2 years have been very hard, as I am still grieving, and I have had small bouts of social anxiety. However 5 weeks ago, I got ill with a water infection again, and began to get this pushing down feeling inside. Since then, I have practically lived at the doctors, I am convinced my insides are going to fall out, the same way as I lost the twins.

I have lost faith in my health and in the medical profession, I now know that sometimes emergencies can happen, in a split second, and that frightens me.

I lost my job last Wednesday, due to taking too much time off (3 weeks). I am very snappy and irritable, and sometimes it takes alot to leave the house.

I also am scared of being anywhere without a toilet, as I need to wee so much!

I need to get myself out of this rut, as I cannot see in to the future and have missed out on o many social events recently, I am worried I am going to lose my partner and friends soon.

Thanks for listening.

Carla

[brenda]

HI Carla
SOrry you are having such a bad time

A couple of tips if you have a water infection that might help

Drink cranberry juice. Have a read about it on this page
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/ask_the_doctor/cystitiscranberry.shtml

Also my doc told me to use a teaspoon of bicarbonate of soda in a glass of water when you first feel the symptoms. I put it in squash.
If you do that it will help.

Hugs
Pam

[barbie]

Hi!

I also take cranberry tablets, and sometimes have anti-biotics (but they give me thrush) but I am just one of the unfortunate ones who gets water infections and cystitis alot! I dont think having IBS helps either:(

I will try the bicarb thing though, thanks!

Its just this pushing feeling, its driving me round the bend, I dont know what it is!

Carla

[brenda]

Its cause the infection makes your bladder feel uncomfortable like you need to go to the loo,
If you are still worried tomorrow why not go back to the doc.

When you are on antibiotics you need to take some good bacteria to replace the ones that are killed off by the antibiotics.

You can get acidopholus tablets but it is better to get live bacteria.
Try yogurt. I know it sounds daft but use live yogurt as a cream on your bum :-) after you have been to the loo to spend a penny. It helps with thrush. Also eat some live yogurt each day. You can put the yogurt on a tampon and insert it.

I dont get anything from the doc just use the yogurt. it takes a bit longer to get rid of it but it saves taking so many tablets

Hope that helps
Pam

[barbie]

Hi Pam,

I take a multi vitamin with the probiotic stuff in, thanks, and I try to eat "candida-free" but I just had 3 lots of v strong anti biotics and I dont think anything would have stopped the thrush - it wasnt too bad though. But thank you.

Can your bladder make you feel as if you are about to give birth? Thats how I feel, like a little ping pong ball sized thing is going to come out - I had to have a pregnancy test done, then a test for a pro-lapsed uterus, I have been ging out of my mind!

Am going to Doc's tomorrow to try to have my Mirena coil removed, in case that is adding to my problems.

Thanks

Carla

[matilda]

Ive had that feeling too, its like your bits are going to drop out isnt it!!!!

I can only imagine how horrendous it is for you as it describes how many women feel after giving birth but you dont have your children to help you feel better.

I am so so sorry for your loss and hope that you have other children though i know it wont replace your little girls!!!!

Are you getting any counselling and if not get down to the docs and demand it!!!

This is a great site and people will be here for you.

take care Honey Love Matilda.

[net]

hello carla

welcome
i am so sorry for the loss of your girls i understand a little bit as 18 months ago we lost my 5 month old grandaughter.
i dont have any other suggestions to help with the water infection

netty


the dreams of the future are better than the history of the past

[barbie]

Netty, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for your post x
Matilda, THANK YOU. No one has ever said they have had that pushing feeling just because they have given birth!!!
I am far too frightened to try again yet, but hopefully one day I will be a mum!

I think it may be my bladder and my Mirena coil also contributing to the pushing.

I just really need to get it sorted - am so stressed out by it all!!! x

[ceecee]

welcome carla.i,m soooo sorry for your loss.it must have been devastating for you both.
my brother and his wife lost their twin boys at 25 weeks in the same circumstances as you but i can only imagine the pain you are feeling.
take care and remember that people here will always try to give you any help and advice that you need
hugs
rachel x

[ruthb1]

hi carla,

sorry to hear about your loss. my friends daughter had the same thing happen to her only last month and it was twins also and boy and a girl, the little girl eva survived for 20 mins they where born at 22 weeks and she like you had a water infection. its not your fault, try not to blame yourself.

also my neice last year carried her baby to full term and arron was still born, it is the most traumatic thing that can ever happen to you and being a mum i fully understand.

what pain you are going through and all the suffering but the way i look at things is that out of something bad comes something good, i know it may not feel like this at the moment but in time you will. you will never forget but it will get easier,

i really feel for you at the moment because you are still grieving and the water infection is still bringing the memories flooding back.

please pm me if you need to talk, i do understand, as i have been through this with my neice.

take care

love

ruth x x

[honeybee3939]

Hi Carla,

A BIG warm welcome to you, lovely to see you here, im so sorry to hear of your loss, i hope we can be of some help for you, where a great bunch and im sure as you can see you will be made very welcome.

Love

Andrea
xxx

[LickeyEndBlues]

Hi Carla
I was really saddened by your post. As a guy I can't exactly relate to how you would have felt. As a dad I can relate to the loss.

I have been on this site for about 5 weeks now and have found it both supportive and useful.

The chatroom is a good place to get to know folks and share feelings etc.

Take care and a big hug.

Iain

Laissez les bon temp roulez

[yorkylover]

Hello carla I would just like to say how sorry I am for your loss,I cant begin to imagine what you are going through.Have you had any sort of counselling for your loss?Im sure you will get lots of support here.
Take care

Ellen XX

[trac67]

Hi,

Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends.

So sorry to hear of your sad loss, the pain won't ever go away but it will ease in time.

Take care

Trac xx

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

[snoopy]

Hi Carla,

My heart goe's out to you, you have been so brave. I'm not suprised you are feeling the way you are. It going to take time, but time heals...

I lost a baby last year. And I was down on my knees for months, thought I would never recover. I am getting better, but it has left me with some horible symptoms, thoughts and feelings which I hope will go one day.

When I read your post I was in tears, you must get professinal help and maybe medicatin to help yot to recover. I did! and it really helped.

I am expectig baby NO. four any day now, and am soo nervous about it. Scared I might panic!!!

Thinking of you so much.

Snoopy x

[clickaway]

Hi Carla,

I just read your sad story and I think some virtual hugs are in order.

Like Iain, being male, I don't understand as much as a few others here.

But I do know that you wil find comfort here, so welcome.

Take care,


Ray


http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[nomorepanic]

Hi Carla

Welcome aboard. Lovely to see you here but I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

I am afraid I don't have much advice with this but wanted to say that you will get some great support here and everyone is so lovely.

People will forget what you said
People will forget what you did
But people will never forget how you made them feel

Nicola

[jill]

Hi Carla

WELCOME TO THE SITE.

I am sooo sorry to hear of your sad loss, my heart goes out to you. I know its know comfort but time is a great healer, there are lots of nice people here who will help and support you all they can.

TAKE CARE

((( HUGS )))


LOVE JILLXX

[manmoor]

Hi Carla,

A big warm welcome to you. It brought a tear to my eye reading your sad story hun. We are all here for each other.

Take Care

Mandyxx

[barbie]

A big huge thank you to you all for your kind words and support!

I am receiving some forms of counselling, and time is healing, I guess just sometimes you can take so many steps forward only to have to take a few back.

At the moment my steps are backwards but I hope soon I will be striding forward to the future again!:D

Carla

[hayles]

Carla.

A big welcome to you.
I have no wise words or advice.
Just a big hug and a very warm welcome xxx

Hay x

[Paddington]

Hello Carla.I am so sorry for your tragic loss,how awful for you ,poor girl!As you have seen,on here there is always someone who has walked a mile in your shoes and can offer true support and comfort.I think your infections are worsened by the memories they conjour up.I was going to suggest you may have a prolapse of the womb,but you have been tested for that you say.My sister has all the same symptoms as you and they cant find what it is either!!I have awful bouts of infections too and feel as though i want to push my bladder out!!Bicarb is a good suggestion,and over the counter stuff can help too.I usually need anti biotics[yep get the thrush too[sigh]...]I do thin it is so much worse for you as everything is intertwined,the infection with the loss of your girls.My heart goes out to you.Sendin big hugs too.Keep posting hun,you will get so much support.Love Mary Rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore