Maeeve
10-11-13, 16:23
Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years are all coming up. Neighbors are putting up decorations. Seems like someone is having a party or gathering from the moment November starts. It's supposed to be family and friends and fun and fellowship. For me it's just wishing it was over already.
My father passed suddenly when I was 12. His birthday is near Christmas. My mother died from cancer on Thanksgiving morning when I was 19. It was not unexpected but I can't get through the day without missing her terribly.
I'm 38 now and I always believed that things would get better with time. But thanks to anxiety, panic, post-traumatic stress, and agoraphobia it seems like nothing ever gets better. I dread the last two months of the year. It seems as if they do nothing but serve to remind me just how alone I really am. Even though I am a wife of 17 years with a beautiful 15 year old daughter.
I've been housebound for a year so gatherings are not an option. I haven't decorated for the past 2 years and most likely will not do it this year either. The decorations just make me cry uncontrollably. Every day during the season is almost torture. I just have to take it day by day (sometimes hour by hour) and they seem to drag on forever.
Sometimes I just wish I could hibernate for 2 months and wake up when it's all done.:weep:
My father passed suddenly when I was 12. His birthday is near Christmas. My mother died from cancer on Thanksgiving morning when I was 19. It was not unexpected but I can't get through the day without missing her terribly.
I'm 38 now and I always believed that things would get better with time. But thanks to anxiety, panic, post-traumatic stress, and agoraphobia it seems like nothing ever gets better. I dread the last two months of the year. It seems as if they do nothing but serve to remind me just how alone I really am. Even though I am a wife of 17 years with a beautiful 15 year old daughter.
I've been housebound for a year so gatherings are not an option. I haven't decorated for the past 2 years and most likely will not do it this year either. The decorations just make me cry uncontrollably. Every day during the season is almost torture. I just have to take it day by day (sometimes hour by hour) and they seem to drag on forever.
Sometimes I just wish I could hibernate for 2 months and wake up when it's all done.:weep: