feel like a bad mum....

[luci]

When my anxiety was at it height a few months ago I started to let my little boy sleep in bed with me. It was comforting for me to have him right there and I felt I could protect him better. I re evaluated the situation and its was doing me and him no good at all, it was selfish of me. I have started to phase him sleeping in his own room back in. A lot of the time he will come into my room during the night but as long as he settles into his bed to start with I am happy at the moment as I realise this will take time. However some nights he is finding it difficult and it is making me feel really really bad. He is not distressed.... more out of sorts. I felt like I was doing it for his own good to start with and like I say it was selfish of me to keep him with me just to make myself feel better, plus if I have nightmares I disturb him which also isn't fair..... I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place..... Is this for the best or should I just let him come back to bed with me? He is 6 years old, 7 in March

[Annie0904]

I would continue to gradually get him used to being in his own bed again. Maybe if you stay with him a while until he settles down in his bed. Maybe a reward chart for nights he stays in his own bed?

[Lilharry]

I think it's fantastic that you recognised that the reasons you were doing it weren't the best and you're trying now to do what is best for him. Sleeping in his own bed isn't really the issue, it's making sure that he feels loved and is happy - you can do this without sharing a bed with him. Don't feel guilty for making him sleep in his own bed, but instead transfer that to making sure that he feels loved and listened to. You are being loving by helping him to become independent at night. He knows you are there to protect him, he just needs to get used to the new sleeping arrangements. I think don't make a big deal about it, just quietly settle him off to sleep and if he gets up in the night to see you, quietly walk him back to bed again. I think you could take a leaf out of Supernanny's book here and just continue with the quietly settling him back into bed each time he gets up, without talking about it or making a fuss. He will get used to it in no time and the consistency will make him feel stable and protected.

PS - you are NOT a bad mum!

[Col]

Don't feel bad there's nothing nicer than cuddling your boy in bed. But I'd definately as Annie said get him back to normal. Slowly and stay with him till he drifts off.

X

[luci]

Thanks you guys :) I feel better about it now..... guess I just needed reassurance. Thanks again for the back up

[Mamfa85]

Your not a bad mum for starts , I've done this too ,in fact I'm trying to get my little girl who disabled into her own bed but I feel happier knowing shes there and she's happier too but I know like you it's un healthy in the long run .take time to settle him in bed enjoy a good book and hug,my daughter often comes in the night but I don't mind I remember sneaking in my mums bed when I was little and they are still little . I compare my self to every parent as my parents tried very hard but divorce and my mums anxiety did effect us a little but its not all bad were all very caring to others but getting hugs and sleeping in bed with are mum the odd time did us no harm ,don't be hard on yourself just try to have together time before bed

[Rennie1989]

I agree with the idea of a rewards chart. Buy some colourful card, sticks and pens and sit down with him and get him to design his own reward chart (and get him to chose the colours). He can put a sticker on it every day that he sleeps a full night in his bed and give him a treat if, for example, he spends a whole week in his own bed. Once he gets used to the idea of sleeping in his own bed it will become second nature. We had to do this with my brother and as long as you stick to it it really works.

You're definitely not a bad mum. We've all seen terrible mothers on the news and Jeremy Kyle, you are nowhere near that! You love your son, you've recognised the mistake and are now making positive amends. That shows a great mum to me :)

[Fishmanpa]

Just wanted to say that you're not a bad Mom. It's a natural instinct and something that our ancestors did in a family unit.

It is wise to get him back in his own bed as it will only get harder if it continues. When my daughter was a baby, her Mom and I loved that last feeding and allowed her to fall asleep in our arms or in our bed. BIG mistake! It became a habit that was hard to break and it broke my heart to have to put her in "her" bed and allow her to scream and cry until she passed out from exhaustion behind the door. It only took two nights of that and then she was fine but they were two of the toughest nights I can remember being a parent.

He'll be fine and so will you :)

Positive thoughts

[Channibear]

Great advice from everyone. Just make it a gradual process and things should go smoothly for both of you. Good luck!