emotional hangovers

[inCOGnito]

Over the past year or so I have been really challenging a lot about myself, about all the thought structures, belief structures, and behaviours. A part of this 'deconstructive' experience involves a lot of past and trapped emotion coming out. It's a difficult process but necessary.

Throughout my life I never learnt to deal with emotion. This led to repression, suppression, denial, avoidance, and so on. Accordingly at times I was acutely fearful or angry or whatever.

so now I am allowing this past build-up of emotion to surface, and because I never learned to deal with it, it is often very energy zapping and disorientating. An all round unpleasant experience!

My question is to those of you who have experienced deep emotion or prolonged emotion arising. In my experience of it I might cry for a short while, there may be stuff that surfaces from the past, not necessarily clear or with obvious meaning (i believe that this stuff comes up ove rtime and reveals itself over time rather than a once off). Then for the next few days it will actually feel like an 'emotional hangover'.

It will be groggy, lethargic, unmotivated, scared, unclear emotional smokescreen, yucky, weakness, maybe even slight nausea. essentially it feels like a long hangover only with emotion being the main agonist.

Does this experience feel familiar?

It's horrible and i'm not overly concerned with it but i'd like to understand others' experience of it to give me some perspective.

[harasgenster]

Hi, yes I still get this, bit it gets better as I go along.

I had problems with emotional inhibition, which meant I wasn't always aware when I was experiencing an emotion and had to learn to be aware of what was going on within my emotional self.

I also feel absolutely knocked-out by emotions, but I've been told that emotional processing is a very tiring activity for your brain and if you've got a lot going on, it's completely normal to be knackered!

I tend to have an hour's nap if I can (obviously not a possibility at work!) and that tends to help me out. It doesn't completely wipe away that spaced feeling and disorientation, but I tend to wake up with a slightly clearer mind and I usually just put off any responsibilities I had that day until another day and spend the time pampering myself (my advice: stock up on hot chocolate, good films/TV and blankets for days like these!) The next day after just treating myself like an ill child (I tend to deliberately treat myself as a would a child that had been through an upsetting experience) I feel a lot better...until the next time!

The good news is that once these emotions are processed, they're processed, and eventually these episodes will become fewer and farther between.

[inCOGnito]

thanks harasgenter.

good to have your take on it. Seems like good advice! Especially the advice about good films/duvet days and chocolate :)

It makes it a lot more difficult with the demands of my job to get the time to relax, but it is helpful knowing that these things are part of the experience.

[NoPoet]

inCOGnito, Harasgentser, I've gone through this a lot these last few weeks and know exactly what you mean.

Anxiety, depression etc are emotionally expensive. You can burn through your reserves very quickly, especially if you obsess over them. The problem is, by their very nature they demand your time and attention because they seem so important - it's like you are afraid to stop experiencing them, stop paying them attention, in case it makes them "angry" and you get somehow worse. This is actually not true, it's a thought trap that everyone gets caught in, even experienced people like us, and it's how anxiety etc continue to hold on even when you're fighting back.

If we keep re-living the experiences, keep shoving our worst fears in our own faces, it's going to exhaust us and damage our confidence. As Claire Weekes said, "everything in moderation" - there are times when we simply need to do something else that doesn't involve illness or recovery.

Finally, as for negative stuff re-surfacing, this appears to be a feature of anxiety and depression and it's probably to do with negative association. Things remind us of when we were ill. Our bodies don't just record images and sounds, they record our mood as well, so recalling past anxiety recalls the full experience. I think that when we reach a certain point our brains cry out "Oh, FFS! Not this again!"

[Tessar]

Absolutely I do. I'll come back 2moro & post some more :-)

[PanchoGoz]

Yes I think I do, I'm useless with emotions they seem to have me under their thumb and I haven't learned to be friends with them yet. Especially following some traumatic events in my life.
Expecting a whopper of a post from Tessar :D

[harasgenster]

It makes it a lot more difficult with the demands of my job to get the time to relax, but it is helpful knowing that these things are part of the experience.

Words of advice from my therapist, that helped me out no end: if you can't work right now, you can't work right now. I always felt incredibly guilty for resting so even if I was forced to take time out by my symptoms I'd be really angry about it (so I wasn't actually resting after all...)

If things get too demanding to rest enough, consider what you can do to make them less demanding. If you're pushing yourself too hard you won't be any good to anyone anyway!

One thing I never did was space out my annual leave across the year. I'd end up with loads at the end of the year and take it off in big blocks. So if you're the same as me in that way, try to take a day of annual leave to give yourself a nice long weekend here and there, especially if you're going through a trying time.

---------- Post added at 16:06 ---------- Previous post was at 16:01 ----------


The problem is, by their very nature they demand your time and attention because they seem so important - it's like you are afraid to stop experiencing them, stop paying them attention, in case it makes them "angry" and you get somehow worse. This is actually not true, it's a thought trap that everyone gets caught in, even experienced people like us, and it's how anxiety etc continue to hold on even when you're fighting back.


This is interesting because it's the opposite of the way I reacted. I 'didn't have time' for negative emotions. I thought they were a waste of my life, I had suffered from depression and anxiety before and I was not going to allow myself to go back, so if an emotion came up I would give it no attention at all and try to shove it to the back of my mind.

Which is how I ended up a) Not aware of my emotions, and b) a complete wreck. Eventually I stopped sleeping altogether and the emotions I was trying to suppress became so huge they all burst out at once in a kind of breakdown and there was no silencing them.

Just goes to show it's all about balance, because it sounds like giving your emotions too much attention - as detailed in the quote above - can be just as bad. I guess you have to work out where you're going wrong: are you obsessed with your emotions or ignoring them? Then try and balance things the other way round.

What I learned from therapy was to live in two tiers during trying times. So allowing myself to feel my emotions and accepting them. But instead of trying to 'fix' them, just let yourself cry, or whatever. Then, distract yourself and have some fun! Then more crying. Then more fun. And repeat. That way you don't end up ruminating and you keep the good things in your life, but you're also allowing yourself time to process your emotions and letting them naturally peak and fade, so that they don't keep giving you jip years down the line!

[Tessar]

Expecting a whopper of a post from Tessar :D

Ahhhh darn it.... I didn't have time 2post 2day.... But I will be back:)

[inCOGnito]

Thanks for the posts. The most recent bout of emotion arising has now passed and think some of the advice here helped. I had more of a balance and spent some time watching stand-up comedy :)

I'm similar to you harasgenster, I would never use annual leave properly and never dealing with emotion led to its eventual break out. But this is life's opportunity to fix that now. Hard work but hopefully for the better.

[Tessar]

Eventually I stopped sleeping altogether and the emotions I was trying to suppress became so huge they all burst out at once in a kind of breakdown and there was no silencing them.

that's what happened to me. I went a whole night without sleeping & then realised I had a problem. The whole thing had built & built til I just couldn't deal with it on my own. By nature I still try to fight off emotions but I do allow them out now. It's like a safety release valve. I've been working at releasing a lifetimes hidden emotion but slowly its coming out. My counsellor's helping me with that.
Meanwhile, like at the moment, I do have peaks in emotion when life isn't being kind. I have a couple of colleagues who seem to be in either bad moods or in need of proving how wonderful they are. I am caught in the middle. So far I've let it run its course but now its reached a point I cannot cope with being in their cross-fire. So now I know I need to act. I don't relish the idea of doing it but if I don't I will go downhill fast & I don't see why other people's lack of self-control of inability to act reasonably should cost me dear.
I'd say emotions are natural. They are a pointer to something that might not be right. You can learn to cope with emotions & become stronger and able to tolerate more than you used to but there does come a point you need give yourself a break.
I know now that whilst emotions feel scary they are a natural part of being a human. You can let them out & crying especially is a natural release.