Sorry, need to rant before I lose it...

[Orange Lightning]

Apologies for this long post, particularly if it sounds like utter nonsense. I'm on the edge again, and really need to let out my stress, even if it's just on this post, as nobody close to me believes me to be ill.

I'm still utterly terrified of having LPR. It's been a whole year now, and I've not made any major progress in fixing it. Diet and lifestyle changes have done nothing. Alkaline water, PPIs and H2 Blockers arguably made me worse. Antidepressants, CBT, hypnotherapy and other alternative treatments don't work. A desperate part of me hopes this is just stress and anxiety, but my mind tells me I'm deluded. Just around this time last year, I believed firmly I had a heart condition, which has been proven wrong by an echocardiogram and numerous ECG tests. Diagnosing heart defects is easy. Diagnosing LPR is not.

My GP has finally given up and will allow me to take a 24 hour pH test, but I'm not even sure I've got the right kind of test organised (a ResTech one). If this comes back clear, I'll never be able to prove I have LPR, despite the low-positive results from a rapid spit test. My GP claims that was a chance result from "normal reflux levels" but I'm not convinced.

There is some good news. My burning throat symptoms have begun to cease, only coming back when I drink ice-cold water or eat rich foods such as a cupcake. I've never had true heartburn either. The bad news is, everything else is still present and hurting. These symptoms include:

- Constant belching after eating or drinking ANYTHING. Often this happens first thing in the morning before I eat or drink anything at all. (Gaviscon Advance can't keep the gas down by the way.)
- Whenever I belch, I feel an instant need to clear my throat, and sometimes my nose runs.
- After belching a few times, my throat feels tight for about an hour at a time.
- If I swallow the burps back down, my throat gurgles and bending over makes it worse. Incidentally I have virtually no flatulence, which I used to have a lot of.
- Loads of mucus in my throat. It's always present regardless of my other symptoms.
- Total, utter anxiety and depression.

Meds I've tried include:

- H2 Blockers such as Cimetidine. These had the most success, but they didn't last all day so they gave me a lot of acid rebound.
- PPIs. No effect whatsoever.
- Antidepressants. Most of these made me feel even more depressed, but I currently take 15mg of Mirtazapine. It makes me nod off, and that's about it.
- Vitamin D3 for about 6 months. It may be too early, but I've not felt any benefit from it yet.

Tests I've taken include:

- Upper GI Endoscopy. Clear.
- H.Pylori and H.Hernia test. Clear.
- Barium Swallow. I think the report mentioned a manometry test included in this, but it was still clear.
- Rapid Spit Test. 1 of 3 samples showed a very low amount of pepsin in my saliva.
- Personality analysis. I have mild Aspergers Syndrome apparently.
(And of course I'm waiting for the 24 hour pH probe of unknown origin).

My family's had it up to here with my "fake illness," some of my friends have left me because of it, I've lost my voluntary work position I'd held for 5 years because of it, and more besides. I've even given up my religious faith; I can't possibly believe any deity would willing let hundreds of people suffer endlessly just like myself. I admit my symptoms probably started due to stress, but I usually know how I feel when I am stressed, so how can my symptoms be caused by it?! What I do notice is whenever I feel angry my symptoms actually improve for a while. In other words stress makes me feel BETTER for some reason.

My favourite hobbies and pastimes can't distract me from the symptoms. Hypnotherapy only works because I have to lie down for it. I can't eat comfort foods of course because random food and water makes the LPR worse. I'm in a total bind here and can't think how I can possibly go on like this. I'm only 22 for goodness sake, I wish I knew what I did to deserve this and how I could remedy it? I hate passing by people in the streets who binge on sweets, junk food, fizzy drinks etc. The worst of it is, many of them will probably never get anything wrong with them, or at the very least nothing as heartbreaking and life destroying as LPR.



...Rant over. Sorry again, I just felt an urgent need to get this all off my chest. Apologies if I'm breaking any rules for doing so, but whether I am or not, thank you for your understanding

[katesa]

Oh darling, how awful you must be feeling.

It sounds like your GP has been very thorough.

Can I just ask why you are so terrified of having LPR? (it doesn't sound like you do) from my understanding it is treatable. Am I thinking of something else?

[Orange Lightning]

Oh darling, how awful you must be feeling.

It sounds like your GP has been very thorough.

Can I just ask why you are so terrified of having LPR? (it doesn't sound like you do) from my understanding it is treatable. Am I thinking of something else?

Thank you for replying. The problem is I'm utterly terrified of having a lifelong illness. Food is a big part of my quality of life - I already miss many foods and I still dread every mouthful because of what it will do to me. I can't live my whole life like that, I'm not strong enough to.

[HoneyLove]

Orange do you ever read the replies that people give you?

You seem to start threads constantly, but you never reply to the people who talk to you?

[Daisy Sue]

Hiya.. you're talking about acid reflux, right? You've had pretty much all the investigations I can think of to look at your upper digestive tract and thank goodness nothing major has shown up. So I'd guess it's just a case of managing your diet effectively, and taking meds even if they're not solving the symptoms 100%.

What would be your typical daily diet? Including drinks. And do you smoke/drink alcohol?

Have a look at the foods and drinks you're having regularly, and at what times of the day you have them... going a long time without food will increase acid production and damage, and lots of foods make your kind of symptoms worse. Eating a large meal at night is not good, in fact a large meal at any time is much harder to digest than smaller more regular ones.

And then there's the food intolerance side of things.. you may be lactose intolerant, or sensitive to some grains etc.

I have a little experience of this kind of thing myself, so if I can help, let me know.

[katesa]

Thank you for replying. The problem is I'm utterly terrified of having a lifelong illness. Food is a big part of my quality of life - I already miss many foods and I still dread every mouthful because of what it will do to me. I can't live my whole life like that, I'm not strong enough to.

Hon, there are many lifelong illnesses that are pretty easy to manage. I have graves disease, acid reflux and have been diagnosed with something a bit more difficult but still not deadly - and I live as normal. Ok the graves can mess with me sometimes and the acid reflux gives me grief if I forget to take my pill and eat something triggering but really, it's nothing to worry about.

If your fears are realised and your doctor has somehow managed to miss this pretty common and minor ailment despite all your tests, then you'd adapt - find less triggering foods to enjoy, save the dodgy stuff for treats, and take whatever meds you are given. People undergoing chemotherapy - they really do have it bad and often can't eat properly and I'd bet anything that they would swap in a heartbeat.

That said, I think all of your problems are most likely down to anxiety hon and maybe you have a postnasal drip like I have (they aren't sexy but they also aren't harmful) Are you undergoing any therapy at the moment? I think you would really benefit from hashing out your fears with someone qualified x

[Orange Lightning]

Hon, there are many lifelong illnesses that are pretty easy to manage. I have graves disease, acid reflux and have been diagnosed with something a bit more difficult but still not deadly - and I live as normal. Ok the graves can mess with me sometimes and the acid reflux gives me grief if I forget to take my pill and eat something triggering but really, it's nothing to worry about.

If your fears are realised and your doctor has somehow managed to miss this pretty common and minor ailment despite all your tests, then you'd adapt - find less triggering foods to enjoy, save the dodgy stuff for treats, and take whatever meds you are given. People undergoing chemotherapy - they really do have it bad and often can't eat properly and I'd bet anything that they would swap in a heartbeat.

That said, I think all of your problems are most likely down to anxiety hon and maybe you have a postnasal drip like I have (they aren't sexy but they also aren't harmful) Are you undergoing any therapy at the moment? I think you would really benefit from hashing out your fears with someone qualified x

Unfortunatly not; CBT for half a year didn't work, and I tried hypnotherapy and some other alternative treatments, but they're just too expensive for someone on minimum wage. Only those who can afford it can receive miracle cures in this day and age XP

[katesa]

Unfortunatly not; CBT for half a year didn't work, and I tried hypnotherapy and some other alternative treatments, but they're just too expensive for someone on minimum wage. Only those who can afford it can receive miracle cures in this day and age XP

I'm not denying that it is harder when you can't just go out and buy your health.

I am undergoing psychotherapy which I pay for but I have it instead of the cigarettes I used to smoke, the wine I used to have on a Friday night and the little evenings out I'd have when I could get a babysitter. It's worth it.

However, I know that even cutting all that out means that some people still can't scrape the money together. But you can get other treatments on the NHS, it sadly means some pushing though.

I asked because you have such a terror, such a fear, not just of something awful but for something pretty minor. You don't trust yourself to deal with even a minor condition and that, to me (as someone with no psychology qualifications at all) suggests some awful self esteem issues or lack of confidence. I think you could benefit from somebody helping you find where this fear comes from and why you doubt yourself this much.

My heart really does go out to you because I'm sure it is very real and very scary for you and that you feel you have no options. But I promise, there is help there if you are persistent about it. Sometimes it's a case of the squeakiest wheel gets the oil, know what I mean? Go squeak like a mice with a hernia at your doctor x

[Orange Lightning]

I'm not denying that it is harder when you can't just go out and buy your health.

I am undergoing psychotherapy which I pay for but I have it instead of the cigarettes I used to smoke, the wine I used to have on a Friday night and the little evenings out I'd have when I could get a babysitter. It's worth it.

However, I know that even cutting all that out means that some people still can't scrape the money together. But you can get other treatments on the NHS, it sadly means some pushing though.

I asked because you have such a terror, such a fear, not just of something awful but for something pretty minor. You don't trust yourself to deal with even a minor condition and that, to me (as someone with no psychology qualifications at all) suggests some awful self esteem issues or lack of confidence. I think you could benefit from somebody helping you find where this fear comes from and why you doubt yourself this much.

My heart really does go out to you because I'm sure it is very real and very scary for you and that you feel you have no options. But I promise, there is help there if you are persistent about it. Sometimes it's a case of the squeakiest wheel gets the oil, know what I mean? Go squeak like a mice with a hernia at your doctor x

That's true; my esteem and confidence has always been pretty low, probably because I've been surrounded by negativity. I even know where my hypochondria stems from - a family history of doctors completely disregarding symptoms, which cost my grandad his heart and almost killed my recent new nephew. Thank you for your understanding; I'll keep trying to persue the anxiety angle, it's just hard to believe in it on the worst days. :p

[katesa]

Bless your heart!

What you need to hold on to chick is this - you have clearly faced adversity before -- your granddad, your nephew, and probably much more (everything from relationship break-ups to unemployment/redundancy). And you got through them. You would also get through and deal with a harmless illness (or, "bodily quirk" as I call mine)

You are a very eloquent, articulate young (I'm guessing!) man and I want you to get help so that you understand that you have more strength and more going for you than you believe.

Just back to your physical issues again for a sec - has you doctor ever discussed a postnasal drip with you? It's just that I have one and alot of what you describe in your post sounds very similar. I was prescribed a steroid nasal spray and it is excellent (though it took a couple of attempts to find the right one). Unfortunately, there was a delay in my repeat prescription last week so I had to go a few days without it - I had so much mucus in the back of my throat that I'm sure my husband would have rather kissed jabba the hutt than me! And I even got short of breath (mine is really bad though - it's like a constant tap!)