Worrying over HIV again, im in a right panic

[Jem27]

I am in such a state, the man I kissed says we did have sex, im in a right mess. He says we didn't use protection but he didn't finish inside me (sorry). He gives blood every 4mths and was in a relationship for 4 yrs until they split recently.

I do not remember anything and im going to hell and back.

I have been feeling very dizzy, weak legs & feeling sick for the last week. I am now panicking after reading HIV can cause flu symptoms in the first few weeks after infection, im convinced I have it and I am so so so so scared.:( What if I have passed this onto my husband, our children will be without us.

I hate myself I really do. I so hope this man isn't lying to me, I am petrified. He has swore to me im at no risk at all because he doesn't have it but I am so so frightened.

I read up on HIV and it says you can get fluey symptoms, although ive no temp or anything im frightened the feeling weak and tired is an early symptom. I know I don't feel right.

My life is over:-( I am so stupid, instead of going out and getting drunk I should of stayed in with my husband and sorted things out. I am so scared. I am having a HIV test in 3 weeks. I can't sleep at night for worrying.

I can't stop crying but its all my own fault, I deserve everything I get.

[MADISON]

OH HUN PLEASE DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER THIS. IF YOUR REALLY WORRIED WHY DONT YOU HAVE A H.I.V TEST DONE? I WOULD. THAT WILL ANSWER EVERYTHING FOR YOU. IF YOU HAVE IT WHICH I REALLY DONT THINK YOU DO YOU CAN ACT ON IT. IF YOU DONT FORGET IT. ITS NOT WORTH WORRYING ABOUT UNTILL YOU KNOW. BY THINKING YOU HAVE IT YOU CAUSE THESE SYMPTONS. PLEASE DONT THINK YOU HAVE IT.IM SO SURE YOU DONT. ACT ON YOUR FEELINGS. GUT INSTINCT HUN. X

M.VERRINDER

[Jem27]

Thanks Madison,

I saw the dr and he said he will do a HIV test 6 weeks after it took place so thats 3 more weeks but I wasn't that worried then but now im really panicking.

[lass]

Hi Jem, try to calm down. Have a read through some of your old posts - you have had the flu-like symptoms before, and they ARE "just" anxiety.

This man has no reason to lie to you. Also, remember what your GP said last week, that it would be very very unlikely after just one occasion.

I read an article ages ago about a woman with HIV. She had it for years without knowing about it (hers came from a blood transfusion years ago). She had since had a couple of children and therefore obviously unprotected sex with her husband - yet her husband and children did not have it. It is not as easy to pass on as the media would make you think. There is a lot of scaremongering.

You've made a silly mistake, but everyone makes them one way or another in their life. Try not to beat yourself up and think about the what ifs.

Your GP was so lovely to you last time, can you go back and see him again and have him explain a bit more to you about HIV, then maybe you will feel a bit more positive when armed with all the facts.

Take care xxx

[Jem27]

I really hope so Ckirby, I hate myself right now and i feel so ill even my legs ache so thats making me worry about fluey symptoms even more and today my temp has been up abit which I know happens with anxiety but im in a state.

Thanks hun.

[ceecee]

hi jem
to be honest i think the worrying that you are doing is giving you these symptoms!!!!!!
i think because you feel so guilty you are making yourself bad.
i know it must be hard for you,but don,t beat yourself up about this!!!!NOBODY IS PERFECT,WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!
take care
hugs
rachel x

[Jem27]

Thanks Rachel, possibly it is all the guilt. Today I feel so weak and shaky, im so stressed:-(

[kazzie]

Hi Jem

Please be reassured that if this guy had HIV he would not be allowed to be a blood donor. Please try to stop worrying.

Thinking of you

Kaz x

[Jem27]

Thanks Kaz, im just worried incase he has contracted it since he last gave blood in May.

[kazzie]

Oh Jem the chances of that are really zilch arent they??? Add to that what your gp said and i really think you are worrying needlessly!!!

Please try to relax

kaz x

[Jem27]

I am worried he has contracted it since he last gave blood 4 mths ago.

No I do not have a drink problem I only drink if I go out with friends and thats not very often. id say per week I have no more than a couple of glasses of wine if im relaxing in the evening with my husband.

I hate hangovers, no way could I have a drink problem!!!

[Jem27]

Thank you Kaz. I do hope he doesnt. I just feel so weak in my legs, dizzy & worn out to be honest. I feel terrible but I guess its all this stress.

[Jem27]

Oh right ok Ellen, sorry your reply just offended me abit to be honest as im not much of a drinker at all.

I hate drinking now after all of this. I only had about 6 vodka & lemonades but I never drink vodka so really think it made me very very drunk and out of it for this to happen. I do not remember a thing.

My husband knows i cant remember anything but no ive not tol dhim ive found out more, I just can't:-(

[yorkylover]

Im sorry Jem if I offended you about asking about your drinking.My brother is an alcoholic,and they can never remember things after they sober up.I wasnt judging you,I dont even know you.I apologise again.And I will stay of this post.Sorry:(

Ellen XX

[Jem27]

No Ellen its ok, sorry I didn't mean to upset you. I just don't want people thinking because I can't remember a drunken night out that I make a habit of this because I don't, I rarely go out and drink.

[nomorepanic]

Jem

I am assuming that you haven't been having unprotected sex with your hubbie since you thought that you had HIV?

The chances are so slim so try not to worry ok.

People will forget what you said
People will forget what you did
But people will never forget how you made them feel

Nicola

[creatrix]

Jem, I agree you should be tested. Unfortunately, the incubation period for HIV is very long, so it could take a long time for you to kow... I know this because I used to work a a convenience store where a child picked up a hypodermic in the lot and jabbed herself. Needless to say, the mother was beside herself and the drs told her she would have to be tested every six months for a period.

That said, I think this is one of those instances where you have to accept what happened and not worry. You cannot change the past and all the worry in the world will only hurt you. So try to find some relaxation and try try try not to worry yourself. You're probably fine. I'm sending you good thoughts!!

[Jem27]

Nomorepanic yes I have before I knew. Which of course is making me panic ten x more:-(

[Jem27]

Thank you Creatrix.

My dr has said I can have a test in 3 weeks time and if thats negative then im to forget it and move on. I hope its negative.

[creatrix]

Jem, I give blood whenever I can and if that is his only risk factor, I truly believe you will be fine. Hang onto that for the time being, okay?

[kimmy]

Jem the symptoms dont come out as quick as that. Your sourses are wrong hun. Yes they are Flu symptoms. It can take months or years to come out. In fact its one of the most difficult to detect because people have it and dont know. The possibility of you having it is probably very low. You probably have a local GU medicine unit or a sexual health clinics, you can pop into any of them, they are completly confidential, and have a test to ease your mind. Protective sex needs to be used for now until your all clear hun xxx

[Jem27]

Thanks everyone.

Kimmy we will only have protected sex now until I know for sure. I have only recently found out I slept with him so before that we didn't as we are married.

I have spoken to my GP and he is doing a HIV test at the end of the month to calm me down.

[hayles]

Jem,

Have you told your husband that you have slept with him?

Hay x

[Jem27]

He pretty much thinks it has happened and we are working through it.

[Jem27]

I am off to the dr again tonight, I have sinus pain really bad and I am hoping they can give me something. I haven't slept in almost a week now and I am a zombie. all this worry & stress/guilt is getting to me.

I hope my dr can help:(