View Full Version : I'm going to die
Izzytheanxietyqueen
12-11-13, 17:43
I have had enough of all this stress recently and anxiety and depression. Please don't tell me to get help because I have I do counselling/therapy and I DO talk about this a lot to them. I am really afraid of my health since my dad died and i don't have a hour of the day where I am not thinking I am going to die. Today I now have salt poisoning I am sure of it, I had dinner just now and my mum put loads and loads of salt on it (she goes extreme sometimes) and I ate all of it :/ so worried now I am pretty sure I have given myself food posioning all I can taste is salt now.... :/
Izzy you need a hell of a lot of salt in one go to cause any major problems, drink some water and go watch some tele xxx
Izzytheanxietyqueen
12-11-13, 17:48
Izzy you need a hell of a lot of salt in one go to cause any major problems, drink some water and go watch some tele xxx
Oh how much I have probably had like twice the recommended in one meal...
Izzy if you don't want us to tell you to get help, and you don't want to listen to our advice (which lots of people have given time to here), then what is it that you would like from us?
What is it that you'd like from this forum and the people here?
Izzy,
You are going to be fine, it's OK, it's takes alot more than salt on food to harm you. Go and drink lots of water to get rid of the taste.xx
I'm not an expert izzy but I'm pretty sure like half a cup or more and I'm pretty sure you wouldn't of had that amount as it would of tasted horrible
You wouldn't have been able to eat the food if there were a lethal dose of salt in it. The worst case is you'll have some dry mouth and be thirsty.
Izzy I'm going to be gentle on you because you are just a baby - so so young to be this scared over such silly things.
Now first of all chick, if there was really that much salt on your food, you would not have been able to eat it and even if you forced it down your throat, you would have thrown it all back up.
Secondly, if you really thought there was a dangerous amount of salt in it (which you are wrong about but bear with me) why did you eat it? Looking at your previous posts you seem to do things a lot that you then worry about, like when you drank a fair bit of fluid and then came on panicking that you'd die. What makes you do things that you (wrongly) think are dangerous in the first place?
And hon, we will always tell you to get help. I for one would strongly urge you to print out your threads and show them to your therapist.
If it makes you feel any better I used to have a little food.with my salt, every day. I used to be a salt addict, if tgere was enough to kill you there's no way you would have eaten it. At all, promise you that hun.
Izzytheanxietyqueen
12-11-13, 19:07
Izzy if you don't want us to tell you to get help, and you don't want to listen to our advice (which lots of people have given time to here), then what is it that you would like from us?
What is it that you'd like from this forum and the people here?
I do listen to advice otherwise I wouldn't be doing therapy and I wouldn't of told my mum and burst out crying to her saying I had had enough and would rather be dead with my dad than be alive in pain would I!? No! I won't be posting on forums like this anymore if all people will do is tell me how pathetic I am. I am sorry but I have had enough of this I printed these off I showed my mum my therapist everyone what else am I meant to do!? I have taken your advice and everyone's to heart otherwise what would be the point. I came on here because I have no friends that can talk to me and understand this, my mum and grandma set up therapy for me through your advice! I have a problem that I'm trying to sort out I know that but I am feeling this way for a reason I saw my dad flipping die in front of me so I'm afraid of death that's why I am scared and panic a lot!? Okay! You happy now you made me feel even more useless and pathetic thanks
---------- Post added at 19:03 ---------- Previous post was at 19:00 ----------
Izzy I'm going to be gentle on you because you are just a baby - so so young to be this scared over such silly things.
Now first of all chick, if there was really that much salt on your food, you would not have been able to eat it and even if you forced it down your throat, you would have thrown it all back up.
Secondly, if you really thought there was a dangerous amount of salt in it (which you are wrong about but bear with me) why did you eat it? Looking at your previous posts you seem to do things a lot that you then worry about, like when you drank a fair bit of fluid and then came on panicking that you'd die. What makes you do things that you (wrongly) think are dangerous in the first place?
And hon, we will always tell you to get help. I for one would strongly urge you to print out your threads and show them to your therapist.
I am scared because I saw my dad die this year, I saw him die and the last thing he said to us me and my mum is 'be careful because this world is full of dangerous things and unfair illness' okay you happy now!? I am only 14 but I have a reason I'm not silly!!!
---------- Post added at 19:05 ---------- Previous post was at 19:03 ----------
If it makes you feel any better I used to have a little food.with my salt, every day. I used to be a salt addict, if tgere was enough to kill you there's no way you would have eaten it. At all, promise you that hun.
Thank you for being helpful unlike some people here who think it's okay to tell a 14 year old they are pathetic
- Izzytheanxietyqueen's mum
---------- Post added at 19:07 ---------- Previous post was at 19:05 ----------
Izzy if you don't want us to tell you to get help, and you don't want to listen to our advice (which lots of people have given time to here), then what is it that you would like from us?
What is it that you'd like from this forum and the people here?
I think you have got the wrong idea to tell a 14 year old they are silly and a waste of time, my daughter has been through a massive shock of suddenly losing her dad, I am aware of her condition and are getting her help, I set up her account so she could relate to people going through these things not to be called pathetic.
- Izzytheanxietyqueen's mum
nomorepanic
12-11-13, 19:11
No-one on here told you you were pathetic though :shrug:
Excuse me Izzy I did not say YOU were silly, I said that you were worrying about silly things. There is a huge difference.
There is no need for the attitude. I'm trying to help you.
I know all about watching loved ones die believe me - I nursed my fiance through terminal cancer starting when I was just a few years older than you. I get it.
Your attitude is unnecessary.
Izzy's Mum - not one person called her pathetic. Not one. We are all saying that she needs more help than she is getting though.
Izzytheanxietyqueen
12-11-13, 19:17
I'm sorry it just felt like they did try and suggest I was wasting their time
My mum monitors this so I am safe. She doesn't want me being bullied on here as well as reality.
Izzy, you're not pathetic or useless, sweetheart, Far from it. You had the initiative to join this forum and ask questions and seek help, and that is huge. NOBODY is trying to be mean, though I appreciate that it is hard to hear blunt but still well-meaning replies sometimes.
I think it is hard sometimes to get to grips with some posts about worries that the reader may think as being completely daft and irrational, but at the same time everyone basically gets the fact that this is a MH/anxiety forum and the whole idea of anxiety is that it IS irrational and scary, and there is always a reason for it, in your case the trauma of witnessing your Dad's passing hun.
It has clearly left a HUGE mark on you, and I deeply sympathise with you...it must have been horrendous.
When you are anxious it is so hard to really take on board others advice, and not get upset when others are stressing that nothing is wrong and you are gonna be ok, whatever water or salt or anything else you may have had, and also then of course, the people trying to help you get frustrated when you don't take on board their comments, but the important thing is that NEITHER side is acting or reacting with any ill meaning:
1 You are reacting as you are or finding it hard to accept advice because you are very anxious and traumatised.
2. Other members are just trying to help and just get frustrated because their help and advice doesn't seem to reach you.
.....neither are at fault here though.
I think it is brill that you are taking steps to deal with your anxiety and the aftermath of your Dad's death and its impact on you hun. Everyone understands how awful this must be for you (we can all relate to an upset mind here) but do also try if you can just to take on board that these worries you have about in this case the things you have eaten/drunk are just nasty side effects of anxiety, nothing more.xxxx
PS....don't leave! The site really is a help, I promise you!:hugs:
Izzytheanxietyqueen
12-11-13, 19:19
No-one on here told you you were pathetic though :shrug:
It very much was phrased like that however.
- Izzytheanxietyqueen's mum
Izzy, it's odd that out of all the (helpful & kind) posts on here you chose to focus & react to mine, and took something I didn't say from it. Where did I call you pathetic or say you were a waste of time? I asked what you'd like us to do, your post was confusing.
What I asked you was a genuine question, and it's only fair considering that people here (myself included) give a lot of time reassuring you - you seem to forget that there we are people too, and eventually get frustrated if our words are ignored. I genuinely don't know what anyone else here can do for you if you don't want our advice on anxiety, you need help from the adults in your life. You told us that you were already getting counselling before starting to post here, so I'm not sure how much of our advice you have taken?
We're willing to help you work on your anxiety issues, the same as any other person here, but you can't expect that we will all keep repeating the same reassurance process about different issues over & over. We can help you with panic, we can give you techniques to help with anxiety - but for us to keep reassuring you does more harm than good because it enables your health anxiety instead of helping you heal.
I know you are young, and I know you've been through a traumatising experience, but that still doesn't mean we cannot question you when we've already tried to help out of genuine concern. Everyone here wants the best for you, and sometimes that's tough love or a question that you don't want to answer. Sometimes the questions have to be tough, in order to get through to someone.
No one here is forgetting what you've been through, and we all have our own baggage & bad experiences here, but we're here to help each other even if that means straight talking and questions we don't want to answer sometimes.
Izzy nobody called you silly or pathetic sweetie. People are just trying to help. We've all pretty much been where you are, that's why we're on this site. I have had loads of helpful advice on here and have really turned my life around thanks to some very kind people on here who took the time to reply and help me.
I am so sorry about your dad, my dad is my hero so I have absolutely no idea what you're going through. My family are riddled with health problems though and it makes me anxious that these problems are going to be passed on to me, so I do know a little bit about how you're feeling.
Feel free to message me if you want to talk x
Izzytheanxietyqueen
12-11-13, 19:25
Izzy, you're not pathetic or useless, sweetheart, Far from it. You had the initiative to join this forum and ask questions and seek help, and that is huge. NOBODY is trying to be mean, though I appreciate that it is hard to hear blunt but still well-meaning replies sometimes.
I think it is hard sometimes to get to grips with some posts about worries that the reader may think as being completely daft and irrational, but at the same time everyone basically gets the fact that this is a MH/anxiety forum and the whole idea of anxiety is that it IS irrational and scary, and there is always a reason for it, in your case the trauma of witnessing your Dad's passing hun.
It has clearly left a HUGE mark on you, and I deeply sympathise with you...it must have been horrendous.
When you are anxious it is so hard to really take on board others advice, and not get upset when others are stressing that nothing is wrong and you are gonna be ok, whatever water or salt or anything else you may have had, and also then of course, the people trying to help you get frustrated when you don't take on board their comments, but the important thing is that NEITHER side is acting or reacting with any ill meaning:
1 You are reacting as you are or finding it hard to accept advice because you are very anxious and traumatised.
2. Other members are just trying to help and just get frustrated because their help and advice doesn't seem to reach you.
.....neither are at fault here though.
I think it is brill that you are taking steps to deal with your anxiety and the aftermath of your Dad's death and its impact on you hun. Everyone understands how awful this must be for you (we can all relate to an upset mind here) but do also try if you can just to take on board that these worries you have about in this case the things you have eaten/drunk are just nasty side effects of anxiety, nothing more.xxxx
PS....don't leave! The site really is a help, I promise you!:hugs:
Thank you for being so kind and helpful, the thing that izzy finds upsetting is people telling her she constantly needs help, however she is getting enormous amounts of help, from school counsellors, out of school counsellors, therapists, doctors etc. and I think it's hard for a teenage girl to read through comments that say she constantly needs more and more help it overwhelmes her and makes her feel like she is seriously a crazy person that needs to be locked up somewhere...which that isn't the case. From now on I think I will be monitoring this closely however.
- Izzytheanxietyqueen's mum
Thank you for being so kind and helpful, the thing that izzy finds upsetting is people telling her she constantly needs help, however she is getting enormous amounts of help, from school counsellors, out of school counsellors, therapists, doctors etc. and I think it's hard for a teenage girl to read through comments that say she constantly needs more and more help it overwhelmes her and makes her feel like she is seriously a crazy person that needs to be locked up somewhere...which that isn't the case. From now on I think I will be monitoring this closely however.
- Izzytheanxietyqueen's mum
You of all people should know the limitations of just how much an internet forum can do Izzy's Mum. You also would/should be able to reassure her that she didn't drink too much water or eat too much salt don't you think? You also can re-assure her that she's not going to die every day. It must be difficult for you having just lost your husband and the father to Izzy, but if you're monitoring this, you can see exactly what was written and read the intent as well. We're just folks on a forum that have some commonalities trying to help each other.
Positive thoughts and prayers
Thank you for being so kind and helpful, the thing that izzy finds upsetting is people telling her she constantly needs help, however she is getting enormous amounts of help, from school counsellors, out of school counsellors, therapists, doctors etc. and I think it's hard for a teenage girl to read through comments that say she constantly needs more and more help it overwhelmes her and makes her feel like she is seriously a crazy person that needs to be locked up somewhere...which that isn't the case. From now on I think I will be monitoring this closely however.
- Izzytheanxietyqueen's mum
Hi Izzy's Mum!
Yes, I totally understand and can imagine how irking an irritating that would be for anyone, let alone someone Izzy's age. Maybe people are just being a bit too over-zealous with the suggestion of help needed...I guess there is a happy medium where that is concerned, as although Izzy needs support and help, she also doesn't need it constantly in her face as it were, especially when she is accepting help anyway.
Even without the terrible events she has been through, any teenager needs space to themselves.
I would also say that NOBODY would ever (here of all places) wish to make Izzy think she is a crazy person, by any means, and I seriously hope she doesn't think that, as she isn't....just anxious like most of us here.xxx
Izzytheanxietyqueen
12-11-13, 19:34
You of all people should know the limitations of just how much an internet forum can do Izzy's Mum. You also would/should be able to reassure her that she didn't drink too much water or eat too much salt don't you think? You also can re-assure her that she's not going to die every day. It must be difficult for you having just lost your husband and the father to Izzy, but if you're monitoring this, you can see exactly what was written and read the intent as well. We're just folks on a forum that have some commonalities trying to help each other.
Positive thoughts and prayers
I do comfort her very much so!! But however I have never had anxiety or health anxiety so it's harder to understand. She does get lots of reassurance from me but she doesn't really believe me she believes the people that suffer similar things to her that's why I set this up for her if she wants to use it.
Thank you for being so kind and helpful, the thing that izzy finds upsetting is people telling her she constantly needs help, however she is getting enormous amounts of help, from school counsellors, out of school counsellors, therapists, doctors etc. and I think it's hard for a teenage girl to read through comments that say she constantly needs more and more help it overwhelmes her and makes her feel like she is seriously a crazy person that needs to be locked up somewhere...which that isn't the case. From now on I think I will be monitoring this closely however.
- Izzytheanxietyqueen's mum
OK "Izzy's Mum" - Maybe you should read her post history. Whatever help she is getting, it is either not enough or it is not the right kind. She's scared of dying because her food was salty or because she drank too much water. Would you rather everybody ignored her? Or said "yes, of course your worry is valid and you might die"?
This board is not full of professional therapist but human beings with serious anxiety issues. And many of them have taken the time out to help Izzy. Nobody is obligated to, nobody here is responsible for her. And yet they STILL try to help. You really should consider that and not nitpick comments and twist them in to things they were never meant to mean.
---------- Post added at 19:36 ---------- Previous post was at 19:35 ----------
I do comfort her very much so!! But however I have never had anxiety or health anxiety so it's harder to understand. She does get lots of reassurance from me but she doesn't really believe me she believes the people that suffer similar things to her that's why I set this up for her if she wants to use it.
And I'm sorry but if you do comfort her enough, why is she saying "I do talk to my grandma a lot about it because my mum is not an option she has moved on from my dad so I have decided to not talk to her anymore about it or anything of the sort." here - http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?p=1240175#post1240175
Since you monitor her threads you should have seen that one.
Izzytheanxietyqueen
12-11-13, 19:40
OK "Izzy's Mum" - Maybe you should read her post history. Whatever help she is getting, it is either not enough or it is not the right kind. She's scared of dying because her food was salty or because she drank too much water. Would you rather everybody ignored her? Or said "yes, of course your worry is valid and you might die"?
This board is not full of professional therapist but human beings with serious anxiety issues. And many of them have taken the time out to help Izzy. Nobody is obligated to, nobody here is responsible for her. And yet they STILL try to help. You really should consider that and not nitpick comments and twist them in to things they were never meant to mean.
---------- Post added at 19:36 ---------- Previous post was at 19:35 ----------
And I'm sorry but if you do comfort her enough, why is she saying "I do talk to my grandma a lot about it because my mum is not an option she has moved on from my dad so I have decided to not talk to her anymore about it or anything of the sort." here - http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?p=1240175#post1240175
Since you monitor her threads you should have seen that one.
Yes I did see it and she had gotten the wrong idea that is all we talk about things like this. I am at work a lot so not always there when she worries so she thought it the wrong way! I have stepped up since my husband died to be her mum and her dad in a way.
- Izzytheanxietyqueen's mum
Thank you for being so kind and helpful, the thing that izzy finds upsetting is people telling her she constantly needs help, however she is getting enormous amounts of help, from school counsellors, out of school counsellors, therapists, doctors etc. and I think it's hard for a teenage girl to read through comments that say she constantly needs more and more help it overwhelmes her and makes her feel like she is seriously a crazy person that needs to be locked up somewhere...which that isn't the case. From now on I think I will be monitoring this closely however.
- Izzytheanxietyqueen's mum
If this is Izzy's mum, and I really hope it is, then please have a read back over your daughters posts. From what she's told us she feels like she is not being heard and that her health anxiety is not getting the attention it needs. She doesn't feel like her counselling is actually helping and looks like she is understandably lost. That's all stuff that you should know about and we've been asking her to express to you.
It sounds like you're doing a lot for her though, so I'm not sure exactly what is happening for Izzy but I sincerely hope that she's getting the help that she needs, as do all the people who've reached out to her here.
If we continue to simply reassure Izzy on the issues she panics about then we are not helping her to get better, we are only prolonging her problem. There is so much advice and resources listed on this site. She might need some help learning how to deal with panic attacks, that's something you could learn together from books to YouTube videos? There are some great books you could look at together, like When Panic Attacks by Aine Tubridy. There are some free online CBT courses that we can recommend either. I know it can be a long wait to get help, or expensive to pay for it, but there is so much you can do for free together.
Understand that everyone here wants to help Izzy, and that's what we'll do if she wants it - but that means discussion about anxiety and how to cope with it, that's what we're all here for.
Izzytheanxietyqueen
12-11-13, 19:43
If this is Izzy's mum, and I really hope it is, then please have a read back over your daughters posts. From what she's told us she feels like she is not being heard and that her health anxiety is not getting the attention it needs. She doesn't feel like her counselling is actually helping and looks like she is understandably lost. That's all stuff that you should know about and we've been asking her to express to you.
It sounds like you're doing a lot for her though, so I'm not sure exactly what is happening for Izzy but I sincerely hope that she's getting the help that she needs, as do all the people who've reached out to her here.
If we continue to simply reassure Izzy on the issues she panics about then we are not helping her to get better, we are only prolonging her problem. There is so much advice and resources listed on this site. She might need some help learning how to deal with panic attacks, that's something you could learn together from books to YouTube videos? There are some great books you could look at together, like When Panic Attacks by Aine Tubridy. There are some free online CBT courses that we can recommend either. I know it can be a long wait to get help, or expensive to pay for it, but there is so much you can do for free together.
Understand that everyone here wants to help Izzy, and that's what we'll do if she wants it - but that means discussion about anxiety and how to cope with it, that's what we're all here for.
Thank you I will check out the books, we have doctors appointment tomorrow for possible anti depressants for Izzy. I do really appreciate people being kind to Izzy and understanding she is just sensitive that's all you see. :hugs:
- Izzytheanxietyqueen's mum
Thank you I will check out the books, we have doctors appointment tomorrow for possible anti depressants for Izzy. I do really appreciate people being kind to Izzy and understanding she is just sensitive that's all you see. :hugs:
- Izzytheanxietyqueen's mum
I'm glad to see that you're more involved in getting her help than we thought, from what she was saying to us it really sounded like she felt very much on her own and there's not much we can do online for someone so young except to urge her to speak to an adult.
No one here thinks that telling someone to get help means they're crazy, we say it because it's necessary to get better and it's very possible if you get help. We're all sensitive souls here, unfortunately it's probably part of why we end up so anxious.
The docs visit is a good idea, but there is also a lot you can do or get her to do by herself - like learning the techniques to combat panic or doin a daily relaxation exercise/meditation. Maybe a yoga class would be fun for her?
Whatever route you two take, I hope you can find a happy path through together. I'm sorry that you've lost someone so special to you, but I'm glad that you're taking care of each other. Make sure Izzy knows she's welcome to come and talk to us, and we will always help, but we just can't repeat a process that will never help her get better.
Wishing you both well :hugs:
If Izzy believes the people who suffer this then she can feel free to message me anytime. I have been to hell and back with my anxiety, I have also been on the verge of a breakdown convinced I am going to die day in and day out. I am seriously a lot better now, but it has been hard work. I know exactly how she feels now, it was me a few months ago. x
This is getting ridiculous now, whilst I believe you are all genuinely trying to help izzy and I completely agree you all have valid points. But what we are failing to remember is that we are talking to very scared, distressed young woman who will take things the wrong way as it's in the nature of young teenagers to do so. I believe she thinks of this website as a way of off loading her worries no matter how silly they sound. Because even we all probably say things on here we are too embarrassed to tell anyone face to face. I think what izzy needs from us as a forum is reassurance the rest of her recovery is down to her and her support network. All we need to do is assure her she has not say eaten too much salt or drank too many fluids. I feel that these in depth replies to her posts about needing so much help ect and tell her she's worrying about silly things is not what she needs to hear right now. And quite frankly is making her feel like she's crazy when she's not! she's just a scared young women in need of plenty of reassurance and someone to listen.
Izzytheanxietyqueen
12-11-13, 19:59
This is getting ridiculous now, whilst I believe you are all genuinely trying to help izzy and I completely agree you all have valid points. But what we are failing to remember is that we are talking to very scared, distressed young woman who will take things the wrong way as it's in the nature of young teenagers to do so. I believe she thinks of this website as a way of off loading her worries no matter how silly they sound. Because even we all probably say things on here we are too embarrassed to tell anyone face to face. I think what izzy needs from us as a forum is reassurance the rest of her recovery is down to her and her support network. All we need to do is assure her she has not say eaten too much salt or drank too many fluids. I feel that these in depth replies to her posts about needing so much help ect and tell her she's worrying about silly things is not what she needs to hear right now. And quite frankly is making her feel like she's crazy when she's not! she's just a scared young women in need of plenty of reassurance and someone to listen.
Woah a person who gets this! Thank the heavens! I know everyone wants best for Izzy but I think it's key to remember this is a young teenager who is very hormonal!!! And needs some reassurance sometimes. I think if your willing you would be an excellent person for Izzy to talk to xxx
---------- Post added at 19:59 ---------- Previous post was at 19:58 ----------
If Izzy believes the people who suffer this then she can feel free to message me anytime. I have been to hell and back with my anxiety, I have also been on the verge of a breakdown convinced I am going to die day in and day out. I am seriously a lot better now, but it has been hard work. I know exactly how she feels now, it was me a few months ago. x
Thanks very much
- Izzytheanxietyqueen's mum
This is getting ridiculous now, whilst I believe you are all genuinely trying to help izzy and I completely agree you all have valid points. But what we are failing to remember is that we are talking to very scared, distressed young woman who will take things the wrong way as it's in the nature of young teenagers to do so. I believe she thinks of this website as a way of off loading her worries no matter how silly they sound. Because even we all probably say things on here we are too embarrassed to tell anyone face to face. I think what izzy needs from us as a forum is reassurance the rest of her recovery is down to her and her support network. All we need to do is assure her she has not say eaten too much salt or drank too many fluids. I feel that these in depth replies to her posts about needing so much help ect and tell her she's worrying about silly things is not what she needs to hear right now. And quite frankly is making her feel like she's crazy when she's not! she's just a scared young women in need of plenty of reassurance and someone to listen.
Katty I disagree, reassurance does nothing to help anxiety sufferers, it just makes the problem worse. It enables their behaviour and turns into a cycle of anxiety and panic.
When a 14 year old, or anyone, comes on in such a panic daily it's not going to do any good to keep trying to reassure them on different issues (and the reassurance wasn't working anyway). Plus from what Izzy was saying it sounded like she didn't have much support to help her anyway.
Someone that deep in anxiety needs serious help, and someone that young needs the help of adults who can genuinely give them offline care.
If anyone wants to come on and discuss how to cope with their anxiety that's what this kind of site exists for, but it's not helpful and frankly irresponsible to have someone come on here (especially a minor) with constant panic and never show them a genuine path *out* of that behaviour.
When it's someone younger it's even more serious because we cannot physically reach out and help them, and they are so much more fragile than any of us adults. They need proper help, and not propping up!
Hi izzy - I'm like this for different reasons to you though. Nothing like what you've experienced. But I'm 32 & I become convinced of the worse! I just wanted to offer my positive thought and I hope we can overcome this heart dropping feeling/fear of death.
Takecare
Izzy got reassurance on every single one of her posts.
Yes of course people asked if she was getting support and whether she was getting help and if so how it was going. Because that's what this forum is for.
I'm sorry but regardless of age, somebody posting "I'M GOING TO DIE!!!" because they ate too much salt is very concerning. No, she isn't crazy but she is clearly very traumatised.
That said, I wish her luck in her recovery but I will not be posting in any of her threads ever again.
This is such a.fantastic site for support, I hope she continues to come on here x
Hi, Izzy, just to say I reacted the same after my Dad died suddenly, I think it's the shock of losing a loved one so suddenly. I was in shock fr a long time and had no-one to talk to and developed a lot of anxiety about my health and dying suddenly but it took a while to connect it up for me.
It will get better, it takes time and you have to let yourself accept what's happened, I don't know how long it takes for each different person but you will start to feel better.
Izzytheanxietyqueen
12-11-13, 20:16
Izzy got reassurance on every single one of her posts.
Yes of course people asked if she was getting support and whether she was getting help and if so how it was going. Because that's what this forum is for.
I'm sorry but regardless of age, somebody posting "I'M GOING TO DIE!!!" because they ate too much salt is very concerning. No, she isn't crazy but she is clearly very traumatised.
That said, I wish her luck in her recovery but I will not be posting in any of her threads ever again.
Thank you for wishing her luck and yes I think it would be appropriate that you don't try to talk to a 14 year old girl again.
---------- Post added at 20:15 ---------- Previous post was at 20:13 ----------
This is such a.fantastic site for support, I hope she continues to come on here x
Thank you it may be more private now however I think the 'forum' thing is a way to try to get at someone in my opinion but she has use of this if she likes it.
- Izzytheanxietyqueen's mum
---------- Post added at 20:16 ---------- Previous post was at 20:15 ----------
Hi izzy - I'm like this for different reasons to you though. Nothing like what you've experienced. But I'm 32 & I become convinced of the worse! I just wanted to offer my positive thought and I hope we can overcome this heart dropping feeling/fear of death.
Takecare
Thank you for your support wishing you luck too! :hugs:
Thank you for wishing her luck and yes I think it would be appropriate that you don't try to talk to a 14 year old girl again.
I beg your pardon lady but that comment is out of line.
I will not be posting on her threads because I have some suspicions which I wont say here in public. But I work with plenty of 14 year old girls.
Hi Izzy's mum
When I read the original post I had no idea Izzy was 14-not everyone would have read through all her previous posts.
Maybe it would be a good idea to write her age in her signature at the bottom as this would then give people a heads up about her age, I can't speak for everyone but it would definitely effect how I would reply if I knew someone was that young. We don't get many people that young on here so I always assume people are much older than that.
All the best xx
If you actually read my post properly you would see that I agree with what a lot of you are saying however we cannot make her better like you said we cannot physically reach out to her which is why I said that getting better was down to her and her support network. Everybody comes on here for different help and whilst for the most of us that help is more in depth and for ways and tips to beat anxiety! I strongly believe that reassurance is all that izzy comes on here for that and to just get it off her chest. We all need a bit of reassurance from time to time. And I think the things that izzy posts about literally does just need reassurance. She is young and vulnerable. We should leave the indepth advice to her therapist and just be a friend for her to off load too.
That's unfair. Katesa is absolutely lovely, and has helped me a huge amount. She knows what it is like to have the anxiety and the things she says are because she wants to help people who are asking for it, like Izzy and even myself.
A lot of people on this thread have helped me in the past. I didn't listen, because I was too wrapped up in anxiety but when I was ready to I listened , and it helped. Tremendously. Hopefully when Izzy is a bit better she can come to this thread and realise people are just trying to help.
Thank you it may be more private now however I think the 'forum' thing is a way to try to get at someone in my opinion but she has use of this if she likes it.
- Izzytheanxietyqueen's mum
It's astounding to me that after the measured and helpful words that people have expressed to you tonight, and over the last few weeks to your daughter, that this is what you chose to take away from it all. As if we would use a forum like this to "get at someone".
These forums are full of people who work to support themselves and each other every day. All you have to do is look around other posts to see that.
What seems to be forgotten here is that we are all human beings too, and ones brought together by a crippling problem at that. I don't think anyone here has the time in their own problems to be bothered with getting at other people.
Hi! While you clearly have issues with a fear of death, it is manifesting itself in the form of health anxiety, which is causing you to be hypervigilant (constantly devoting most of your concentration to looking for threats). By doing this, you're missing out on a lot of the good stuff that is around you, you're exaggerating the dangers of everyday things and you're stressing yourself out. You are definitely not "crazy", you're responding in an understandable way to a life event that you weren't prepared for and had no defences against.
The fear of death is built into every living thing as a defence mechanism. In your case, this fear has been permanently switched on and is interfering with your life. You can reduce the effects of this fear and gradually start shifting your attention onto things that give you happiness and comfort.
Counselling can be very supportive and can help you to resolve problems. If your problem is not being fixed in counselling, you need to raise the game slightly by incorporating mindfulness and CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). Mindfulness can help you to accept the physical and emotional symptoms of anxiety, which will reduce their impact on you, and CBT can help you to actively resolve your fear of death.
This is usually done through exposure therapy, where you record yourself talking about your fears, then playing it back over and over again. If your fear of death is the core problem, listening to it should increase your anxiety at first - the aim is to feel the anxiety, but keep on listening over and over for around an hour. Within that time, your anxiety is likely to reduce, since anxiety can't keep on climbing forever.
Exposure therapy sounds like a nightmare, but it's seen as very effective, as it teaches you that feeling anxiety does not hurt you and that your fears do not come true. Once you've had a successful exposure therapy session you can do it at home on your own between sessions.
From literature I've read, exposure therapy starts working fairly quickly and it seems that many patients report they no longer feel the fear after about 4-6 weeks. In fact they express boredom about having to listen to the same thing again and again. The benefits of exposure therapy seem to be permanent.
That's unfair. Katesa is absolutely lovely....
You are rather fabulous yourself my dear foxy roxy :bighug1:
Izzytheanxietyqueen
12-11-13, 20:50
You are rather fabulous yourself my dear foxy roxy :bighug1:
I am sorry Katesa for the comment I made, our family are going through a hard time at the moment and are very sensitive, I know you are just trying to help us but you see at this 'hormonal' stage Izzy is at now its hard to cope with a loss and her body changing at the same time along with exams and hard work at school. I hope that I did not offend anyone, I know they are there to help Izzy otherwise why would we have made this for her.
- Izzytheanxietyqueen's mum
---------- Post added at 20:50 ---------- Previous post was at 20:45 ----------
Hi! While you clearly have issues with a fear of death, it is manifesting itself in the form of health anxiety, which is causing you to be hypervigilant (constantly devoting most of your concentration to looking for threats). By doing this, you're missing out on a lot of the good stuff that is around you, you're exaggerating the dangers of everyday things and you're stressing yourself out. You are definitely not "crazy", you're responding in an understandable way to a life event that you weren't prepared for and had no defences against.
The fear of death is built into every living thing as a defence mechanism. In your case, this fear has been permanently switched on and is interfering with your life. You can reduce the effects of this fear and gradually start shifting your attention onto things that give you happiness and comfort.
Counselling can be very supportive and can help you to resolve problems. If your problem is not being fixed in counselling, you need to raise the game
slightly by incorporating mindfulness and CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). Mindfulness can help you to accept the physical and emotional symptoms of anxiety, which will reduce their impact on you, and CBT can help you to actively resolve your fear of death.
This is usually done through exposure therapy, where you record yourself talking about your fears, then playing it back over and over again. If your fear
of death is the core problem, listening to it should increase your anxiety at first - the aim is to feel the anxiety, but keep on listening over and over for around an hour. Within that time, your anxiety is likely to reduce, since anxiety can't keep on climbing forever.
Exposure therapy sounds like a nightmare, but it's seen as very effective, as it teaches you that feeling anxiety does not hurt you and that your fears do not come true. Once you've had a successful exposure therapy session you can do it at home on your own between sessions.
From literature I've read, exposure therapy starts working fairly quickly and it seems that many patients report they no longer feel the fear after about 4-6 weeks. In fact they express boredom about having to listen to the same thing again and again. The benefits of exposure therapy seem to be permanent.
Thank you for your support!! :)
I am sorry Katesa for the comment I made, our family are going through a hard time at the moment and are very sensitive, I know you are just trying to help us but you see at this 'hormonal' stage Izzy is at now its hard to cope with a loss and her body changing at the same time along with exams and hard work at school. I hope that I did not offend anyone, I know they are there to help Izzy otherwise why would we have made this for her.
- Izzytheanxietyqueen's mum
Thank you for that. I quite understand.
While I'm clearly not the best person to help izzy with her anxiety issues, I do understand how terribly the loss of a loved one can affect us - been there, bought the t shirt, had to take it off because I soaked it with tears - so if she ever wants to talk about that aspect of it, she can pm me anytime
'...the 'forum' thing is a way to try to get at someone in my opinion'...
Wow, really? That I do take great exception to.
I certainly do NOT join a forum to 'get' at anybody. I've got better things to worry about, which is the primary reason why I joined. I need help sometimes. I need to be amongst others who get where I am coming from. I also need to try to HELP others, as it helps me greatly too, as I need distraction and to get at least SOMETHING positive out of my 10 years of anxiety.
With the 'reassurance' thing I think it is naive to think that always works and is enough. Reassurance is only useful if it calms a worry.
How many times on this site can members say it has truly, wholeheartedly, eternally calmed their worry?
You could probably count on one hand the number who have had their (especially) health concern squashed by 'reassurance'.
If reassurance really worked on its own, then nobody would come back and post about the same thing time and time again...would they?
Anxiety is not miraculously cured by words of reassurance. In the MOST it is SELF-cured or at least, managed, with or without external intervention.
If you join a forum like this expecting your anxieties to fall away by reassurance alone, you are seriously barking up the wrong tree, and anyone who would tell Izzy or anyone else that can happen alone without any other self-help or intervention would be irresponsible.
The best thing Izzy and her family are doing is getting outside help, but it takes a lot from Izzy herself too, not just 'reassurance.'
Hi, I posted a reply on Izzy's question about drinking too much water a few days ago. I just came here to apologize if I said something wrong or made things worse in any way. I also want to say sorry for the loss of her father, mine suffered a mild heart attack last year and the amount of stress I went through then must be microscopic compared to how Izzy must've felt!
I think she will benefit from seeing a therapist, it just takes time, it won't come into effect straight away so there's no need to rush, whether it takes two months or two years the therapist will listen, it's his/her job!
If she wants to come back just let her know that she has at least one person who will run and tackle her with a massive hug shouting WELCOME BACK! WE MISSED YOU!:hugs:
- Freeky (age 18, suffering on and off with HA since age 16 1/2)
Izzytheanxietyqueen
12-11-13, 21:03
Hi, I posted a reply on Izzy's question about drinking too much water a few days ago. I just came here to apologize if I said something wrong or made things worse in any way. I also want to say sorry for the loss of her father, mine suffered a mild heart attack last year and the amount of stress I went through then must be microscopic compared to how Izzy must've felt!
I think she will benefit from seeing a therapist, it just takes time, it won't come into effect straight away so there's no need to rush, whether it takes two months or two years the therapist will listen, it's his/her job!
If she wants to come back just let her know that she has at least one person who will run and tackle her with a massive hug shouting WELCOME BACK! WE MISSED YOU!:hugs:
- Freeky (age 18, suffering on and off with HA since age 16 1/2)
Hi Freeky, I am staying I am just going to be more cautious that is all because I think I need to talk to people I KNOW or like therapists about health concerns and stuff and not here, I do understand that people want to help so I am staying just need to talk to people like you I can easily relate too xx
I just came here to apologize if I said something wrong or made things worse in any way.
Freeky,
You said nothing in any way, shape or form that could be construed as negative :)
Hi Freeky, I am staying I am just going to be more cautious that is all because I think I need to talk to people I KNOW or like therapists about health concerns and stuff and not here, I do understand that people want to help so I am staying just need to talk to people like you I can easily relate too xx
Ok, that sounds sensible! I'm busy with uni and everything, but I'll help whenever I can!:D
---------- Post added at 22:24 ---------- Previous post was at 22:21 ----------
Freeky,
You said nothing in any way, shape or form that could be construed as negative :)
Yeah sorry! Apparently I apologize for everything in general (like I just did for your post too!):blush:
I don't want to turn this into a brawl BUT I AGREE WITH HONEYLOVE.
This is an amazing forum. You have a choice to come and go as u please or even have your account deleted if it's not for u! Also! I for one, am certainly NOT someone who logs on just to get at someone. I have suffered with GAD for 2 years & I have 2 children nearly 3 , so I can assure you anxiety queens mum that there are many on here whom seek help and offer help in a very genuine manner. I haven't got time to log on to antagonise people especially volunerable ones! BUT I do have time to logg on to NMP when I've got no where else to turn for support & advice.
Your opinions are yours but there are many genuine people on here. If I had the same views as you about forums - I would stop or at least find an alternative way in which my daughters issues were managed/resolved & helped. Perhaps a local group for bereaved young people or anxiety group support. Over the phone advice/counciling services. Mind & Rethink are good.
Hi! While you clearly have issues with a fear of death, it is manifesting itself in the form of health anxiety, which is causing you to be hypervigilant (constantly devoting most of your concentration to looking for threats). By doing this, you're missing out on a lot of the good stuff that is around you, you're exaggerating the dangers of everyday things and you're stressing yourself out. You are definitely not "crazy", you're responding in an understandable way to a life event that you weren't prepared for and had no defences against.
The fear of death is built into every living thing as a defence mechanism. In your case, this fear has been permanently switched on and is interfering with your life. You can reduce the effects of this fear and gradually start shifting your attention onto things that give you happiness and comfort.
Counselling can be very supportive and can help you to resolve problems. If your problem is not being fixed in counselling, you need to raise the game slightly by incorporating mindfulness and CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). Mindfulness can help you to accept the physical and emotional symptoms of anxiety, which will reduce their impact on you, and CBT can help you to actively resolve your fear of death.
This is usually done through exposure therapy, where you record yourself talking about your fears, then playing it back over and over again. If your fear of death is the core problem, listening to it should increase your anxiety at first - the aim is to feel the anxiety, but keep on listening over and over for around an hour. Within that time, your anxiety is likely to reduce, since anxiety can't keep on climbing forever.
Exposure therapy sounds like a nightmare, but it's seen as very effective, as it teaches you that feeling anxiety does not hurt you and that your fears do not come true. Once you've had a successful exposure therapy session you can do it at home on your own between sessions.
From literature I've read, exposure therapy starts working fairly quickly and it seems that many patients report they no longer feel the fear after about 4-6 weeks. In fact they express boredom about having to listen to the same thing again and again. The benefits of exposure therapy seem to be permanent.
I've just realised that poor psychopoet did this brilliant post that got missed amongst some of the more heated posts.
This is a great post for anyone trapped in the cycle and psychopoet, I'd love to see you expand on it and give it is own thread x
Over the phone advice/counciling services. Mind & Rethink are good.
I couldn't agree more, Col. So glad someone mentioned MIND especially.
I had counselling with them years ago. Can't recommend them highly enough, for support and also information and guidance.:yesyes:
Izzy, I hope you do stay around the forum.. I feel we've got to know you over the past few days, and I know I'm not the only one who's heart goes out to you at this difficult time.
We're not doctors, but we are fellow sufferers, no matter what our initial causes of anxiety are - we know how it feels to live with the fears and symptoms that it brings. And that's all we can do really, is listen, share understanding, and give advice as best we know.
This is a hard and horrible time for you, but you'll get through it honey, you just have to be kind to yourself, don't expect too much too soon, but I promise you it won't always feel this painful.
And like I said before, you can pm me anytime if you want to talk. x
If I'm honest, having read through this thread, I'm not sure this is actually the right forum for Izzy to be posting on.
The advice she will get on here will largely be from adult sufferers sharing their own experiences, not from experts used to counselling teenagers. It will be perfectly good advice but that doesn't mean it's necessarily suitable for her and I would say that the way in which it seems to have been completely misinterpreted is proof of that.
If I'm honest, having read through this thread, I'm not sure this is actually the right forum for Izzy to be posting on.
The advice she will get on here will largely be from adult sufferers sharing their own experiences, not from experts used to counselling teenagers. It will be perfectly good advice but that doesn't mean it's necessarily suitable for her and I would say that the way in which it seems to have been completely misinterpreted is proof of that.
I 100% agree with this and have actually been thinking about it over night as I can't get this out of my mind. I can't remember what the age limit is to use this site but I think it is too much responsibility to expect members who suffer themselves to be able to advise a vulnerable teenager.
As this thread has shown anything we say could be completely misinterpreted and who knows what the possible consequences of that could be.
I'm now quite uncomfortable about replying to threads without knowing exactly how old the poster is and as I said in a previous post there was no indication that Izzy was so young at the start of this thread.
As a safety measure shouldn't there be something now in place so we can know which members are under 18 or maybe change the terms and conditions so that 18 is the minimum age for members.
I'm sorry if I upset anyone by these comments but this has actually made me quite anxious seeing what can happen on the thread when members try and help such a young member.
Xx
Hi, totally agree with you Kellys81. This forum is for adults. This young lady needs to see her GP and her mum has to insist on therapy for her, and soon. There is no need for her to worry so much. Nip in the bud now. I also agree that everyone should have should be vetted for age appropriate.
Having reviewed this and Izzy's other posts, I too agree with the above. I have to say I felt rather helpless with Izzy's initial posts and also rather dumbfounded by some of her fears regardless of her age. If I were to take the posts at face value, and I say "if" because my gut is telling me something different, then indeed, the forum cannot offer the proper support that is needed for a tween of 14 years of age.
Regardless of my gut feelings, it's my hope and prayer that the proper help and care is given to help her cope with whatever is causing her to suffer.
We must have eaten the same dodgy meat fishmanpa because my gut is also a little iffy :winks:
That said, has anyone here contacted Nicola about their concerns regarding the age issues? I ask because I don't want to add to her huge pile of PM's if somebody has already raised it with her.
I was considering starting a thread about ideas to get ones libido back while taking meds - and I am so glad I didn't because it would have been awful to potentially end up conversing with a child without knowing.
I'm not sure what the solution is though - maybe a separate forum purely for the under 16/18 year olds to post in where other members can offer advice in an age appropriate way? Gah, I don't know.
I'm really sorry you feel so bad. I agree that psychopoets post is extremely helpful.
Hope you manage to get the support you need.
Hugs.xxxxx
I'd refrained from posting due to personal concerns however, given the current theme: it would be very difficult to police an age restriction. My 18 year old is an old head on young shoulders and has been incredibly articulate from a young age. In short at 14 anyone would have struggled to discern her age online.
Therein lies the crux - for my part I'm disconcerted by this thread, and will take no further part. As both a parent and as a professional I have misgivings about the appropriateness and tone of some of the posts and feel more than a little uncomfortable regarding my interaction with what may or may not be a young person in crisis.
Without making any reference to what might be going on in this particular thread (except to say that I must have been at the same BBQ as katesa and fishmanpa...), the thing with the age restriction is this: even with an age restriction in place, how would you "police" it? You could get people to tick a box confirming they're over 18, but lying is easy enough. You can't always tell how old someone is from the way they write posts - particularly if they're worked up, I'd have said. So with an age restriction you could still easily be talking to someone who's 14, but they'd be claiming to be older. At least currently people can say if they're under 18 so posters know. Maybe it would be best to have something where a poster under 18 has to say so in their signature? I guess katesa's idea could work, though I worry that it would end up meaning that the younger posters' posts wouldn't get much attention so we'd be back on the potential for people to lie to get replies.
By the way, though - ignoring the posts from Izzy's mum, what's happened on this thread is not so very different to what happens on some other threads. You don't have to be 14 to react badly to people trying to offer advice. We've all seen it.
It's a really tough one but I think it does need to be brought to the attention of Nic.
It is true that people can lie about being older if an age restriction is in place but at least you wouldn't get parents coming on here and attacking blameless members for what they have written to their children.
I know that at any age we can misunderstand what someone else has said but teenagers are also contending with hormones. A lot of the advice we are able to give other members comes from our experiences of therapy etc and children will no doubt be handled in a different way by health professionals-as adults we can't replicate that and are therefore potentially putting ourselves in situations that could get out of control.
nomorepanic
13-11-13, 13:35
Just to let you all know that I have been reading this thread.
It is hard to "police" the age thing as people will just lie as others have said.
We have had this raised previously and I am sure someone posted a link to a forum that was more suited to younger sufferers so bear with me and I will see if I can find that post again.
venusbluejeans
13-11-13, 13:42
To be honest we have 14 year old's posting on the forum its no problems, in fact we have one who only today has thanked NMP and its members on his facebook.
He joined NMP at 14 and has just turned 17 and he has come on in leaps and bounds and has developed with help beyond recognition of what he was when he was 14.
I will have a see if he can post on here his experiences of being a youngster on NMP I think he may disagree about it being just an adult site....... of course every child is different mentally and in different situations though.
Rennie1989
13-11-13, 14:40
I joined NMP, on my old account, when I was 14. Although I did not lose a parent, like Izzy, I had NOBODY. Parents and teachers did not care that I was getting panic attacks or becoming depressed and developing a serious anxiety disorder. This was my only salvage point and it worked really well for me. People wanted to help because of my vulnerability and I accepted that help with open arms, because I didn't have anything else.
I don't agree with making it public about soembody's age. Do we not think that making it public that said member is a teenage girl opens her up to dodgy people? I think it should be down to the individual whether they want to be honest about their age on the forums, but moderators should be aware of who is under 18 and not disclose that information to anymore. Also, if the other members are not aware of their age and messages to them are not classed as cyber-bullying then what have they to worry about?
Upon reflection, I have spoken to a few young people on here and I'd hate to see them lose the valuable support they can find here.
I think the problem is that a number of people were accused of being unkind or inappropriate to a 14 year old girl by what appears to be an angry mother. Now, some of those people didn't know the girl was 14. Some did and answered the best they could. Nobody did anything that I would call cyber bullying but the mother clearly disagreed.
Nobody here wants to upset a child. Nobody wants to be accused of things by an angry parent.
I think if this had not happened we wouldn't be having this discussion to be honest. I would say though that if any child hasn't stated their age and find the replies a bit overwhelming just to say "guys I'm 14 and to be honest finding this too much. Could you just give me some hugs/reassurance/whatever".
I'm not sure if this is the link that Nicola mentioned, but it's the one I found for Izzy, and might help other youngsters who may read this... http://www.rd4u.org.uk/
I've admined on a large forum before now, and it's incredibly difficult to maintain freedom of speech (which is very important here) and police any kind of age restriction. And if someone is under the age rule, there's absolutely nothing to stop them signing up and posting as older anyway.
My gut feelings are that this is first and foremost a support forum for anxiety sufferers, their loved ones, and related issues.. and these things can happen to anyone of any age. It may well be that there isn't a forum like this for under 18's out there, at least not one as good as this one, so I'd be quite wary of discouraging any teenagers from joining us.
Even if we aren't the same age as them, a lot of the symptoms and issues may be the same, and some of us may have suffered from an early age, so there is plenty scope for appropriate understanding and advice.
I still don't think that this is the right place for Izzy.
It can be very easy to misinterpret the written word, especially if you are vulnerable and even more so if you are not much more than a child. And in my opinion her mum compounded the problem. As an adult she should have been able to see very clearly that there was no offence meant in anything that anyone posted.
That she couldn't see it suggests to me that the grief is still very raw for both of them and that neither Izzy nor her mum are at their most rational at the moment. What they both need right now is real support, from real people in the real world, not a bunch of strangers (albeit very caring ones) on the internet.
darkknight
13-11-13, 15:40
Hello I am the person who 17 now I started this site when I w as 14, Age doesn't matter everyone needs help. Thanks to some lovely people on this site I have come so far I didn't know what I do if I didn't have nmp I use to be a right mess and hard a hard life obv you have to be careful online but my experience I love this site and it help me a lot I felt I wasn't alone because it wasn't just me suffering it others to all different ages. About age restriction thing it upto who you live with to. But I like to thank Nic and Emma for keeping this wonderful site going I made some good friends on here and they helped me come so far.
Reading through everyone's posts, a couple of things on my mind:
- I feel a huge weight of responsibility, as clearly do many here, when a panicked minor comes looking for help
- maybe a list of resources specifically for teens may be helpful for us to show them what they can do or who they can talk to
- there are many very adult conversations happening across all of these boards, should members feel restricted in what they can post?
- no one is here a professional counsellor, but we're all humans trying to help each other, sometimes we forget that it's another human being behind each username
- bullying is harassing or abusive behaviour, or behaviour with the intent to hurt/offend, no one here is guilty of that on this thread
- the idea for an age in a signature is a good one I think
- sometimes words and thoughts get misconstrued online, that's the nature of the medium I'm afraid
In Izzy's case
- a minor repeatedly comes in a panic, saying they have no real help in a difficult situation
- members try to help the normal way but the panic continues repeatedly over different subjects, it's clear deeper help is needed
- the reassurance given clearly wasn't helping & repeated advice was ignored
- a challenge intended help is not the same as bullying, how someone responds to that is their prerogative
- just because someone is a minor or decides to react badly does not mean we should tiptoe around obvious problems, especially when it seems someone is really in a traumatised place
- sometimes it takes hitting a nerve to get through to someone
- it woke Izzy's Mum up to her behaviour on here, and hopefully she will be able to resolve her panic and get some release from her anxiety, this is the best possible result we could have asked for in this situation
- ultimately Izzy needs real life help, we can chat to her about anxiety and ways to help herself but if she posts on an advice forum saying she doesn't want our advice then it's fair to ask what she needs from the people here, we are human beings who *worry* after all and I know many people here will weigh every word they write to another person
On reflection
- part of me wonders whether any of this is real or worthwhile sometimes
- my posts may seem harsh sometimes but that's never the intention, I've been through hell in my time and understand anxiety very well, sometimes that jolt is needed and often straight forward language is the only thing that gets through, I feel deeply for anyone who might feel the same knife edge of panic and anxiety as I have, that's why I come here to share what I have learned and what works
- over the last few weeks there was been a definite wind of change here for the better, and Im very pleased to see this board changing from one that seemed to be only about cycles of reassurance to one where we challenge each other to get better and offer real, helpful support, it's a great thing to see. There are many good people posting here and we're seeing so much progress, that's what this site is all about :)
darkknight
13-11-13, 15:45
There always childline to for teens personally I do not ever regretting joining here
I still don't think that this is the right place for Izzy.
It can be very easy to misinterpret the written word, especially if you are vulnerable and even more so if you are not much more than a child. And in my opinion her mum compounded the problem. As an adult she should have been able to see very clearly that there was no offence meant in anything that anyone posted.
That she couldn't see it suggests to me that the grief is still very raw for both of them and that neither Izzy nor her mum are at their most rational at the moment. What they both need right now is real support, from real people in the real world, not a bunch of strangers (albeit very caring ones) on the internet.
But that's the thing - you're saying her mum also couldn't see it, and her mum is an adult, so obviously it's not just a case of 'young people misinterpret the written word'. Anyone can. I think it's more a case that very upset people very easily misinterpret the written word. There are many more ways to be vulnerable than just by being young. I think there are a lot of posters on here who aren't under 18 who have reacted "badly" to not dissimilar situations, and similarly later on in this thread it's turned out that there have been posters under 18 who have been really helped by this board. I do agree that this forum probably isn't going to provide all the help that Izzy (and her mum) clearly need, but that doesn't mean it's not the right place for anyone under 18.
That's what I actually did say Emilica: you would expect a teenager to react like - well, a teenager - but not her mum, so yes, I think it is the case that they are both overwrought.
I'm not saying that no 14 year olds should post here, I'm saying that I don't think it's the right place for Izzy, precisely because of the situation above. Maybe in the future if she still feels she needs support, but not right now
Because what happens when someone new posts? Or someone who didn't read yesterday's thread? Are they going to get the same reaction? I'm really not sure it's in anybody's best interests at all - least of all Izzy.
I still don't think that this is the right place for Izzy.
It can be very easy to misinterpret the written word, especially if you are vulnerable and even more so if you are not much more than a child. And in my opinion her mum compounded the problem. As an adult she should have been able to see very clearly that there was no offence meant in anything that anyone posted.
That she couldn't see it suggests to me that the grief is still very raw for both of them and that neither Izzy nor her mum are at their most rational at the moment. What they both need right now is real support, from real people in the real world, not a bunch of strangers (albeit very caring ones) on the internet.
I'm right with you on this one. It does not matter about the age of the poster it was the content which I do not think NMP members are qualified to deal with. I think Izzy and her Mum need professional support to help them through this very difficult time.
Sarah
I think we're arguing the same thing here :)
But my point really was - there are plenty of adults (not just Izzy's mum!) who react in a way that you might expect of a teenager when they're overwrought. That in itself isn't, I don't think, anything to do with why this isn't the right place for Izzy.
On reflection
- part of me wonders whether any of this is real or worthwhile sometimes
- my posts may seem harsh sometimes but that's never the intention, I've been through hell in my time and understand anxiety very well, sometimes that jolt is needed and often straight forward language is the only thing that gets through, I feel deeply for anyone who might feel the same knife edge of panic and anxiety as I have, that's why I come here to share what I have learned and what works
- over the last few weeks there was been a definite wind of change here for the better, and Im very pleased to see this board changing from one that seemed to be only about cycles of reassurance to one where we challenge each other to get better and offer real, helpful support, it's a great thing to see. There are many good people posting here and we're seeing so much progress, that's what this site is all about :)
Honey it is definitely worthwhile and I don't find you harsh at all - just to the point and supportive. I know that the "Honeylove PM of Awesome"(tm) was majorly helpful to me when I was struggling a few weeks ago (and I still recommend anyone looking for a good place to start with their journey towards recovery to ask honey for this pm)
You are right, this board is changing. More and more people are starting the recovery process. Just yesterday a very good friend of mine posted a thread full of great insight as he carries on his journey (so proud of ya mate) and a young woman, who only a few weeks ago was practically crippled with anxiety posted a thread full of so much wisedom and hope that I genuinely felt a little tear of pride in my eye.
So I'd say the changes are a very good thing.
Thanks Katesa, I'm really happy that the PM helped you. And thanks for the kind words, you know today is a crappy day for me, not anxiety wise, but life wise, so I've been feeling very down - thanks for cheering me up a little :) x
Oh babe I'm sorry to hear that. PM if you need anything x
Honey it is definitely worthwhile and I don't find you harsh at all - just to the point and supportive. I know that the "Honeylove PM of Awesome"(tm) was majorly helpful to me when I was struggling a few weeks ago (and I still recommend anyone looking for a good place to start with their journey towards recovery to ask honey for this pm)
You are right, this board is changing. More and more people are starting the recovery process. Just yesterday a very good friend of mine posted a thread full of great insight as he carries on his journey (so proud of ya mate) and a young woman, who only a few weeks ago was practically crippled with anxiety posted a thread full of so much wisedom and hope that I genuinely felt a little tear of pride in my eye.
So I'd say the changes are a very good thing.
Both very good posts by HoneyLove and katesa.
There are times when reassurance is the right thing and times when a butt kick is better and I think most posters on here know when to apply which method.
I am never going to win any awards for diplomacy, I am always going to be one of the butt kickers but hey - I kick my own butt too so no-one should expect me to treat them any differently - as if! :D
Rennie1989
13-11-13, 16:45
I think we need to remember that Izzy's mother is also grieving and may not be fully aware of the extent of her daughter's illness, through no fault of her own. I know mothers should be aware of how their children are feeling but they don't often fully open up or approach them, giving the impression it's not as bad as it seems. Parents aren't mind readers.
Whether this forum is suitable for Izzy's needs is debatable, she is clearly going through a very tough time and is obviously looking for 'the answer' or 'magic solution' to stop the anxiety. She also seems very new to the whole anxiety thing and may take some time for her to accept that the advice given is sound. I just hope the light bulb turns on for her soon.
It troubles me when a post comes up "I am going to die" or "I want to die". I don't usually open them because it makes me feel inadequate to reply.
"Can you please help me" would be better.
Life is very precious. Even if we are ill and feeling down.
I agree with all Brunette has said.
Oh babe I'm sorry to hear that. PM if you need anything x
Thank you, I will do xx
venusbluejeans
13-11-13, 17:20
It is the nature of the beast of anxiety that there is always going to be new people coming along who are not on the road to recovery, those wanting reasurance, that is what NMP is here for, people in the grips of anxiety and panic who can not rationalise or make sense of things......
There are always going to be people in different stages of their recovery from anxiety.... those who have just started their journey, those on the road to recovery and those who have recovered. Even people who have 'recovered' and then relapsed like me.
you find that it comes in waves as when you join the site you join with people and then see them recovering along side you and you see this more that you do the people joining asking for help...... so it looks like the site is changing.....whereas the Admins who look at and read all the threads that are written can see that there is just about the same amount of people in despair as there have always been...
We would all like a community where everyone is on the road to recovery but that can never be the case and it doesn't matter what age that person is they all deserve the help that is offered and should not be ostracised just because of that age.
we have the over 14 policy and to be honest I think that is right, Izzy has joined with her mothers knowledge and support
Izzy - Thank you for joining NMP, we are a mostly adult community BUT we do have people your age..... good luck in your recovery from health anxiety, so sorry you have to deal with this at such a young age, I am majorly struggling with GAD at the moment and I am 35 ! so good on you girl for standing up and trying to face your demons.......one thing I could ask you as an Admin of NMP though? please could you think about the titles of your threads? as Dramatic titles like 'I am going to die' tend to get dramatic responses. maybe a title like "Will I be ok eating this much salt?" would have been a more appropriate......I wish you all the luck in the world luck in facing the journey which we are ALL traveling.
Emmz
It troubles me when a post comes up "I am going to die" or "I want to die". I don't usually open them because it makes me feel inadequate to reply.
"Can you please help me" would be better.
Life is very precious. Even if we are ill and feeling down.
I do so agree with you, Magic.
It worries me too. I do read and try to reply if I can, but do so with concern whether I am saying/doing the right thing, as although the title may just be a cry for help, nobody ever knows just how serious someone is by saying that.
harasgenster
13-11-13, 17:28
Ok, I just thought I'd step in because I was thinking about this and when I was 14 I really needed help so I would hope to help another 14 year old.
Speaking of which, can we try to remember on the forum that we're not speaking to an adult here? Speaking to a 14 year old as you would an adult is not productive. You can't expect a child to have the same emotional responses and regulation as an adult. She will learn that in her teens.
To Izzy: It seems to me the issue here isn't just health anxiety, this is about being understandably traumatised by what you have been through. I can understand that it is frustrating to feel that you are 'getting help' through counselling etc but these frightening thoughts continue to scare you. Continuing to access the therapy you have and trying to listen and engage with it will help in the long run, somewhere deep down - however frightening what your dad said was - you know it isn't true. Life isn't about illness and it doesn't need to be frightening. You have the strength to believe that and to live your life thinking about having fun, rather than thinking about death. It's a tremendous amount of work but you have the resources to do it.
Now, knowing that Izzy's mum reads this, I thought I'd just say that it sounds to me like what Izzy needs is a lot of hugs and a really good cry. Izzy, you've been through a situation that most adults would find tremendously difficult to cope with. It's ok to be upset and afraid. Do you always tell mum when you're upset? And mum, I understand this is an incredibly difficult time for you too, but is there anything that can be done to ensure that Izzy always has a hug at hand? Is there a chance to maybe take some annual leave at some point and have some family time where the focus is on having the best fun possible? Some trips out etc? I'm sorry to patronise if you've already considered all this. And bear in mind, these things don't always need to be 'fixed'. The focus here doesn't necessarily need to be on changing Izzy's thoughts, in my opinion, but on her feelings. Just validation of those feelings - "I know and understand how afraid you are" - can work wonders and plenty of time to cry it out as well.
Izzy, perhaps when you get these thoughts you could remind yourself why they are happening. You're not getting those thoughts because you're actually in danger, you're getting them because you've been through a very difficult time. That's upsetting. It's ok to be upset. Focus on the reason those thoughts are there and let yourself cry about it. Make sure you tell mum when you're upset and you want a hug, too.
Good post Emmz
I too have been following this thread and feel that Izzie in recognising that she needs help has made the first big step in the right direction.
We have always had teenagers on here and I am very proud to know how some of them from a few years back have come on leaps and bounds.
It is so easy for any of us, whatever our age to take offence from well meaning advice, that unfortunately is the nature of the beast.
Perhaps some of the criticism aimed at members should not have been done on a public forum though in a way it has brought the subject to everyone's attention.
Panic, anxiety and depression are no respecters of age and I also would rather that young people come here rather than some of the less respectable chat rooms and forums that are available. I have heard some real horror stories about what goes on elsewhere.
Sometimes we all need people outwith our "real" life to confide in and I can say that I am a lot older than Izzie but have found some of my closest friends on this site.
As Emmz has already stated when you have been here a while you tend to see the steady flow of people onto and off the forum and chat.
However I do feel that a lot of the advice being given recently is great, straight to the point, while still being sympathetic to the plight of the original posters involved.
On the whole I think that this thread has raised a number of good points and has given us all a bit of food for thought.
Elen
Ok, I just thought I'd step in because I was thinking about this and when I was 14 I really needed help so I would hope to help another 14 year old.
Speaking of which, can we try to remember on the forum that we're not speaking to an adult here? Speaking to a 14 year old as you would an adult is not productive. You can't expect a child to have the same emotional responses and regulation as an adult.
I agree but how are we always suppose to know we a not talking to an adult? There was no mention in the original post that Izzy was only 14 and it doesn't say her age on her profile. I don't go through all pasts posts by a member when I reply and therefore I think if we are expected to speak differently to 14 year olds we need a way of knowing they are only 14.
I fully accept that people are at different stages in this illness. I was very recently at the beginning myself and fully expect to relapse at some point.
I and everybody else in this thread gives reassurance very often. But when the same people seem to ignore what you've said (and I'm not talking about Izzy here, just in general) and post again the next day and the next and the next about the same thing....well, it seems appropriate to add a gentle reminder that this is beatable, to ask whether they have thought of this approach or that one, as well as give reassurance that their current worry is likely nothing awful.
The reassurance I got when at my worst here was a big help - a plaster to my wound for sure. But when the plaster started slipping (as it always did as the wound was just too big) it was the people saying "hey, no you don't have lung cancer. But you do have anxiety! Have you tried distraction? What support are you getting? Have you seen the list of anxiety symptoms on this site? You sure seem to match them!" etc that ultimately helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel. I think that is all people are trying to do.
That said. This board is just awesome, regardless of little misunderstandings.
I have read the whole thread not once but twice and I get an uncomfortable feeling reading a young woman who is in a terrible way and her mother monitoring the same thread.Is monitoring actually the right word.
So many good people on here have given time and advise,I can't add anymore except I agree with Magic re the title thread which I am surprised wasn't monitored as well.
In fact an overwhelming response but my thoughts are just the same as kells.
This is getting so over the top now. Seems like it's just a thread on who can get the last word or who can write the best reply. Seriously let.it.go!
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