Should I leave??

[lisa p]

Hi,

I am really struggling at the moment. The panic attacks are so bad now that I feel that very soon I will be unable to drive and collect the children from school. My daughter has to go to school for a trial tomorrow morning, and I am dreading it.

The panic has been really bad over the last week, I feel so sick from the minute I wake in the morning to the minute I go to bed, the hypnotist says its stress.

On Friday I had to meet my husband, 20 mins drive away, and although I did it, I was in such a bad way, I felt really sick, couldnt stop shaking etc. He had forgotten his works camera, I literally threw it in his car and drove home as fast as I could, I was totally exhausted and upset when I arrived home. Since then I dread doing the safety zone of 5/10 mins. I just want to stay at home on my own.

Over the weekend, I have been thinking long and hard about how this is affecting the family life, and although my hubby and kids are supportive, I just keep thinking if I left them, they could start a new life and go out as a family etc etc.

Please help, just do not know what to do, and with xmas coming up - how am I going to be able to go to all of the school functions????

Thanks for reading.

Lisa

[LickeyEndBlues]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lisa}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hi Lisa

You do really sound wound up and I thought a hug might help.

I can relate to a lot of what you have said, particularly about the supportive family and your feeling of guilt about how you are effecting them. I am there and have been for a long time. Sometimes worse than others. This is a symptom of your illness, when you get better it will go away....honest!!

School functions can be both wonderful and a huge chore. I have been able to see our kids at varying ones and that has been great. I have missed a few and that has been a balance of regret and relief.

As "Mary and Joseph season" kicks in it all cranks up both in school activities and at home....and all for one flipping day...24 flaming hours of joy and misery!!

I would suggest you try and get some support into the stuff that you dread. Can you do things with other people/family? Going with others means you can shrink back a bit.

Are you recieving any support from your GP?

Remember you are not alone in here and there are many people who can relate to where you are at.

Take care Lisa

Iain


And in answer to your original question..................NO!! The hole you would leave would be far more devastating that where you are at at the moment!!

Laissez les bon temp roulez

[spuds]

Two years ago when I was at my worst I had to sit through my sons nativity play. Felt dreadful, shaking, wanted to get up and leave. The thing is, however bad you are feeling, noone else is noticing because they are all wrapped up in their own stuff - afterwards I was so glad I went and so proud of him reading his few lines.

I was getting a bit agoraphobic to be honest - didn't want to leave the house, only felt safe in a few places or if OH was with me, hated the supermarket, school playground was so stressful.

But - it got better. Don't try to avoid anxiety and panic by avoiding the places that make you feel anxious. Then the ciricle becomes smaller and smaller until you become agoraphobic. Let the panic and anxiety come - they are only feelings. However dreadful you feel they are not physically harmful. I know it is difficult now but keep going, people here will give you loads of support.

Iain is right, of course, your family will be worse off without you. Better that you concentrate on getting well again and avoid negative thoughts like that.

[ksmith]

Hi Lisa

If you left your family would be devastated!!! You will turn a corner in the not too distant future and look back on this and wonder why you ever thought such things.

I remember having my two teenage sons in tears in the middle of a shopping centre because of my behaviour. That was only in June of this year and I have come such a long way since then as you will to in your own time. Don't underestimate how much you're loved!!

Wishing you all the best

Kay x

[yorkylover]

Hey Lisa,dont give up pet.Your family love you very much and they need you.You have an illness,like any other sort of illness.Your kids would be heart broken if you left.Im pretty sure they would be happy to have you as you are than not at all.Anxiety makes you have lots of negative thoughts.Have you seen your gp?Thing do get hard,but your family love you and they sound very supportive.You will get through this.
Take care

Ellen XX

[honeybee3939]

Lisa,

Im sorry to hear you are not feeling yourself at the moment ! Sending you a HUG hun,

I do no what you are going through, but believe me things do get better, i promise you that Lisa. I could have written the exact post you have written a few years ago, it sounds like you have a very supportive family and im sure they all love you to bits, just because you are suffering with anxiety/panic dosnt mean they will love you any less.

Please dont be hard on yourself Lisa.

Love

Andrea
xxx

[carlin]

Hi there, no way must you even consider leaving your wonderful family....could you imagine how distressed all of you would be??? They love you no matter what, that you must remember, as you love them unconditionally!!!! I have been through many nativity plays/assemblies/parents evenings (the list is endless) yes, sometimes I didn't make it, but sent another family member in my place (if poss), i told a few people at school and they were very understanding, I ALWAYS sat near the door and if i needed to leave the hall (very rarely) would start coughing and gentle left unnoticed....to be honest, i think you do so very well to continue driving, and when you had to take your husbands works camera, you did it!!! that is classed as a success.....take one day at a time, work out any back-up plans you can, is there anyone at the school who could take the kids if you couldn't manage it? then offer to have their kids after school, your kids will get through this with you and your husband, because you are a good family and that is what familes do!!! xxxxxxjean

[lisa p]

Thank you all so very much for the lovely, positive replies.

I have today told the headmistress up at school about my pa's and although she doesnt understand she has offered to get somebody to walk the children to my car when my daughter starts school in Jan. So that makes things a little better.

I think I need to be honest with my hubby about just how bad things are at the mo, rather then putting on this brace face and pretending that things are not too bad.

Well I am now off to do the school run, feel like c*** but I will try and stay positive and strong.

Thanks once again,

Your help and advice is very much appreciated.

Take care

Love

Lisax

[Trev]

With the right support, information and input you can fully recover and get over this and do all the normal family stuff again.

It is suggested by professionals that you don't make huge life changing decisions while in this state.

The desire to run and leave them to it is a version of the flight part of the "fight or flight" ressponse to stress.

You can turn it around with the right assistance :D

Trev

[belle]

Hi Lisa,
Firstly you done amazlingly well to drive the 20 minutes to meet your husband even though you felt terrible. Me (personally of course) would have done a big fat u-turn and driven home.
As for the school problem, i can 100% relate. I have to walk to collect my little boy (its only a couple of minutes away but its the waiting that i can't stand) - so now, i leave at 3.20 when they are due to come out so there is none of the hanging around. You have to make whatever arrangements make you feel better. Just getting the headmistress to do this for you WILL reduce A LOT of stress for you. For the first couple of my sons school years i would collect him from the reception so i didn't have to wait with all the mothers, but in the end, i would end up waiting for ages because they'd forget to bring him round, so i'd be standing there crying with fear. Thank God now i can take him to school without any problems, but in the afternoon ALWAYS poses a problem.
Anyway...*try* not to worry too much (easier said than done sometimes)....and PLEASE talk to your husband, he needs to know how bad you are feeling. Its horrible trying to deal with PA's on your own.
Take Care,
Sarah

[darkangel]

HI Lisa

My first piece of advice would be - SLOW DOWN - break things down into manageable chunks - you are already thinking about all the events coming up at xmas and this is adding to your panic. Think about what you did manage to do - you drove to your husband, you spoke to the school headmistress. When we have anxiety our minds tend to think the worse and we start to predict what we cant do. Never think you are letting your family down - you are doing the best you can at this moment.

Take care and if you dont manage to go someplace its not the end of the world - there will always be other chances.

Darkangel x


........life is for living not just for surviving

[Insomniac]

Hi Lisa,

I really do think you have your answer! We certainly don't choose to be ill, and this is an illness so don't give yourself a hard time. Think how much your family would miss you if you left. The gap you leave would be terrible for them. Far worse than any effect of your illness. Taking your husband's camera to him was a great step, especially when you felt so bad but did it anyway. Well done! Each tiny step we take leads us on our journey to recovery.

Going back to work after my summer hols was a nightmare, but I managed to keep going and it gets easier. I do have difficult days, but I'm glad now I didn't give in to the urge to stay home and hide in bed! You are not giving in either, you are doing your best not to let this beat you. Tell your hubby how you really feel. Mine is my greatest support. Telling the headteacher was an excellent idea, even even if she doesn't understand, she is trying to help, which is wonderful.

Keep taking these tiny steps.



Lisa.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

[taffysteve]

Hiya,

This must be a course of action we've all considered at one time or another - so we can definitely relate.

Families are there for each other come what may - at some point, no doubt, other members of your family will need your help and support when they are passing through a tough time of their own. Would you prefer it if they didn't burden you with it? Of course not. You would expect them to share their pain with you so you can support and guide them. Don't be afraid to rely on them through this tough time so you can become strong enough again to return the favour.

Steve x

***And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance... I hope you dance***

[happyone]

Hi Lisa
I have also thought about how better off my family would be if I left. I have planned to run away to the remotist place I could find. In my mind it seems the most logical solution, yet when I read your post I want to say 'NO!' your family want and need you! Then I also realise so do mine!
Your children will love you and need you no matter if you panic or not. My oldest daughter will roll her eyes and say 'mum, you are SUCH a worrier.' But she loves me and needs me, even though I find it impossible to have her schoolfriends over to the house, because that would mean socialising with their parents. I know deep down, and I don't have to dig that deep really, that they all love me.
If hubby and kids are being supportive, take it at face value. I don't know if you are seeking support from gp or not, but if not it's worth a try. I have been suffering from anxiety for pretty much all of my life but in a big way in the last 5 years. Only recently have I admitted to myself and others what is going on, but I now have meds from doc which I hope to be a part of my road to recovery.
Take care. And faith in your families love and support
Happyone
x

[lisa p]

Hi

Thanks onces again for all of the lovely replys.

I did manage to take my daughter for her trial at school, but I felt so ill, I was nearly sick in the car whilst I was driving, but I did it!

Unfortunately this sickie feeling is really getting me down, so much so that I have cancelled the hypnotist coming today, not a good move, hubby is really mad with me, but I just do not want people in the house at the mo.

Does anyone else feel sick all day every day?

Love

Lisa

[LickeyEndBlues]

Firstly Lisa...........

Well done on the school visit, ok it was difficult but you did it.

Secondly.....

I really think the "sickie" stuff is your anxiety levels going through the roof as opposed to being ill with a bug......it is something I can directly relate to. I can understand why you canceled your visit today too, I have done that sort of thing.

There is lots of good advice and support in this thread and I agree with it all so I won't repeat it other than.........

Talk to your husband

Go and see your GP

and use as much of this site as you can. These forums and the chat area. They are imformative and can offer varying degrees of release. Chat offers you the opportunity to talk with people and not feel so alone with your difficulties. Sometimes it is zany and stupid funny, sometimes it is deadly serious, but all of the times there is someone to talk to.

I don't think the "sickie" feelings will go away until you try some of the stuff in here.

Take care

Iain

Laissez les bon temp roulez