do i have to go through it again?

[mr_worried93]

a while ago, my mother had cancer, and i was her carer until she died. Now my nan has been diagnosed and im scared that i will be asked to help look after her. I know it sounds horrible but its not something i want to do again, i became so depressed last time, i lost alot of weight and didn't sleep for long time because it caused my anxiety to become unbearable. I won't be able to say no to her if she asked but i really cant go through that again. What can i do to get my priorities straight?

[russdownunder]

I was in the same boat with my mum and dad. My mum died of complications from breast cancer at 69 yo and my dad thankfully died peacefully of old age at 89.

Man I know it's hard. I looked after both of them, and suffer anxiety too so I know exactly where your coming from. I got too the point where I couldn't keep food down!

You need to take charge of your own life though. Do you think your nan would want you to go through all that stress and anxiety again? Most likely she wouldn't expect that of you. You don't say how old you are so my reply may be a little off.

Perhaps if you were asked to look after your nan, you could set boundaries. For example: I'm available on this day and this day, but on other days I've got a lot on my plate. That way you get a break to pull your thoughts together.

I hope this helps.

Cheers mate,

Russ.

[ElizabethJane]

I don't think that you will be asked to be your Nan's cared unless you live with her. If you have a job then you will have your own life to lead. You can still sit with her sometimes. If she is needing full time care if there is no-one in the immediate family to look after her then she might have to go into a nursing home? She might not be at the stage when she needs round the clock care and she might manage by having carers coming in to help during the day? Being a full time carer can be very stressful and you will only receive £57.00 a week and be limited to the amount of other work you can do. My sister was in this position before my Dad died. She had given up work to be his carer but financially this was a disaster. It would be good if you can discuss this with your Nans care provider or GP. That way you will have a better idea of what is required ? EJ