coolchick1
14-11-13, 11:37
so I just joined this forum and I have to say, reading through a lot of the posts was really comforting because I genuinely thought I was alone in all of this.
I'm typing this in tears because I'm really at the end of my tether with intrusive thoughts. I'm only 16 and I have only started to notice them for the past 3 months but reading up OCD symptoms it seems really obvious that I've had OCD for a long time. I saw my doctor about the thoughts and she gave me anxiety meds and told me to get counselling at college but I haven't really had the guts to do that yet, she said I had traits of OCD so I have like a partial diagnosis.
Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself and share my story and hopefully have you all post similar stories and make me feel a bit more comforted because I'm really worried about myself.
It now seems obvious that I have OCD because I always always went to the toilet a lot before bed as a child and sometimes I still do that. Also, I keep a lot of worthless junk that doesn't even have any meaning still in my room like price tags for clothes and I just can't throw them away for some reason. Or I just don't.
When I was 11, I heard the word lesbian for the first time and I was absolutely TERRIFIED that I was one even though now I'd be totally cool if I was one. this went on for a few months for what I can remember, even though I did not really properly understand what one was and what it involved. I think this was the first time I ever experienced anxiety and kind of intrusive thoughts I guess.
Another example is when I was a little bit younger and people used to upset me and anger me and bully me, I used to get the image of myself physically hurting them in some way like stabbing them. Of course I couldn't hurt a fly but it took a really long time for the image to go away and for the guilt to subside. I have also had images of paedophilia that have just come into my head naturally from watching the news but had trouble shaking them because of the guilt and admittedly the fear that something was wrong with me and that I would do something to a child but luckily this subsided after a week or so.
I have also been obsessed with my weight before and weighed myself three or four days in a row at times.
Two months or so ago I was watching a tv show where one of the characters falls in love with her adopted brother, and I remember just thinking 'oh my god, imagine if I fell in love with my brother' and then I was instantly riddled with anxiety and guilt and paranoia in a whole "what is wrong with me, why would I think that?" kind of way and this lead to many many intrusive thoughts and images that I obviously don't want in my head and have never wanted to think in my whole life, it disgusts me that much and makes me feel sick, and this is what caused me to finally go to the doctors. I'm still struggling with this one.
I'd like to say I'm doing a lot better now and I think I am because the anxiety meds are really helping, they stop me from feeling sick and having panic attacks at my thoughts, but they don't stop the guilt and the mental worry that something is wrong with me. They also don't stop the intrusive thoughts.
But I just wanted to say that I think that if you are suffering with these thoughts, you are definitely not alone, and these thoughts deliberately PICK on your worst fear and drive away at you. You are exactly the opposite of your thoughts and that's why your OCD finds them so shocking.
If anyone needs to talk I'm here :bighug1:
I'm typing this in tears because I'm really at the end of my tether with intrusive thoughts. I'm only 16 and I have only started to notice them for the past 3 months but reading up OCD symptoms it seems really obvious that I've had OCD for a long time. I saw my doctor about the thoughts and she gave me anxiety meds and told me to get counselling at college but I haven't really had the guts to do that yet, she said I had traits of OCD so I have like a partial diagnosis.
Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself and share my story and hopefully have you all post similar stories and make me feel a bit more comforted because I'm really worried about myself.
It now seems obvious that I have OCD because I always always went to the toilet a lot before bed as a child and sometimes I still do that. Also, I keep a lot of worthless junk that doesn't even have any meaning still in my room like price tags for clothes and I just can't throw them away for some reason. Or I just don't.
When I was 11, I heard the word lesbian for the first time and I was absolutely TERRIFIED that I was one even though now I'd be totally cool if I was one. this went on for a few months for what I can remember, even though I did not really properly understand what one was and what it involved. I think this was the first time I ever experienced anxiety and kind of intrusive thoughts I guess.
Another example is when I was a little bit younger and people used to upset me and anger me and bully me, I used to get the image of myself physically hurting them in some way like stabbing them. Of course I couldn't hurt a fly but it took a really long time for the image to go away and for the guilt to subside. I have also had images of paedophilia that have just come into my head naturally from watching the news but had trouble shaking them because of the guilt and admittedly the fear that something was wrong with me and that I would do something to a child but luckily this subsided after a week or so.
I have also been obsessed with my weight before and weighed myself three or four days in a row at times.
Two months or so ago I was watching a tv show where one of the characters falls in love with her adopted brother, and I remember just thinking 'oh my god, imagine if I fell in love with my brother' and then I was instantly riddled with anxiety and guilt and paranoia in a whole "what is wrong with me, why would I think that?" kind of way and this lead to many many intrusive thoughts and images that I obviously don't want in my head and have never wanted to think in my whole life, it disgusts me that much and makes me feel sick, and this is what caused me to finally go to the doctors. I'm still struggling with this one.
I'd like to say I'm doing a lot better now and I think I am because the anxiety meds are really helping, they stop me from feeling sick and having panic attacks at my thoughts, but they don't stop the guilt and the mental worry that something is wrong with me. They also don't stop the intrusive thoughts.
But I just wanted to say that I think that if you are suffering with these thoughts, you are definitely not alone, and these thoughts deliberately PICK on your worst fear and drive away at you. You are exactly the opposite of your thoughts and that's why your OCD finds them so shocking.
If anyone needs to talk I'm here :bighug1: