Surrogacy

[baldy_dude]

So - jus had a chad with my wife of 9 years. We have 4 beautiful kids and life is great... However my wife's sister cannot have children and my wife has suggested to me today, that perhaps she could play a surrogate role and carry a child for them. This has thrown me right out of kilter... My head is spinning and I can't think straight.
I dont like this idea at all! In fact if she went ahead with this I don't think anything will be the same. This makes me feel like the most selfish person in the world; and I know in 10 years time if her sister is still childless I will feel I am partly to blame.
Am I being selfish? Am I being unreasonable? Can anyone convince me that this would be a good idea? I don't even know if my thoughts and opinion on the topic are reasonable..... I just think there is much more to this whole idea than 'carrying a baby for 9 months'. It doesn't help that I'm not particularly close to my wife's sister and husband - we are very different.

Anyone give me some advice please

[Edie]

No I don't think you are being selfish. You are right that it's a lot more than simply carrying a baby. Other people are not your responsibility, and you have every right to say you are not happy about this. However, your wife's suggestion must have come as a massive shock. I do think you need to give it some time, talk it through with your wife, find out exactly what it will involve, and make a calm, informed decision.

[T*]

Youre not being selfish, if you genuinely think it will change your relationship with your wife, of course you are going to be against it. Surrogacy is a really hard thing to go through for all parties involved. I agree with edie that you need to talk this through with your wife.

[Rennie1989]

I would definitely have a sit down with your wife and explain how you feel about her being a surrogate mother. This decision must be made by the both of you. This is a decision that cannot be made lightly and you both need to understand how you're both feeling about this.

[Col]

Being 9 months pregnant myself - I really wouldnt put myself through this again or for anyone else. Sister nor stranger!

There's plenty of babies & children out there to adopt! I think as a couple this really is a joint all or nothing decision. If your not happy with this , then that's the answer. As for feeling guilty - not your fault they cant have children, & there are other options besides sorragacy! If fact sorragacy is an option but perhaps having strangers instead.

Being a parent I feel completely sorry for your wife's sister & partner, infact anyone who simply have difficulties conceiving but, this really isn't your fault. In fact nothing to do with u at all. I coud understand if your wife being a surrogate was the ONLY option but it's not!

Also what if your wife struggles after the birth letting go? You've got 4 kids so u both obviously love kids & also would u tell your kids , what would thy think & because the kids would be classed as cousins, would your kids be confused by this. Day trips out would you & your wife find it easy to see that child as there's 100%? Would you be able to stop yourself interfering. U already seem to have a distant relationship with your wife's sister. What if anything happens with this child in future? Will u explode , what would u do , would this not put a massive strin on the whole family?

I'd say chat to your wife but for me in this context it would have to be a no!