NE21 worrier
17-11-13, 12:35
WOW! I can't actually quite believe that I've come this far. This week's session with my lovely therapist was agreed to be my last, for now and hopefully forever. I feel as if I've got a real chance of permanently having cracked this.
My anxiety levels are regularly just at a low level on a day-to-day basis, if they are there at all. I've got a smashing social life and I've got plenty arranged between now and Christmas (though not so much that will exhaust myself). Even my friends have commented in the pub how much more noticeably relaxed I seem again.
I do suffer at St James Park regularly, where Newcastle will play three times at home between now and Christmas although we're in good form right at the moment. Occasionally I'll also watch Gateshead such as on Wednesday when they're in the Cup. Finally, I've got three gigs to go to.
Work seems pretty understanding of my problems, although we are being transferred over to Online Services which I struggled with last time and which contributed to an extended period off sick between April and June. Apparently, we're getting better training this time - but, rather than worrying myself ill again, I am instead taking the mindset of 'wait and see'.
The contract only runs until the end of March anyway, and the word around the office is that the department will not have the budget to extend it any further. Again, this could be a cause for concern but it isn't really - I've already started looking for other stuff and, still living at home, I'm in the fortunate position of having a bit of money saved while not having the stress of keeping a roof over my head.
Of course, part of my anxiety was borne out of how I perceived myself in life - at 30, living at home on a short-term contract. Not a great situation if you listen too much to the media, suggesting that you should have done 'X' by the time that you're age 'Y'. I have made some positive lifestyle choices in that I'm helping much more around the house and I would hope that, with some retraining, my work life may settle down a bit and not just bounce from one short-term contract to another. Easier said than done, of course, and so for that reason, again I'm not getting myself wound up about it.
My last session on Thursday was mainly about relapse prevention and what I had learned, and in preparation for it, I wrote a little letter to myself which effectively patted myself on the back:
"Life is not as hopeless as it seemed a few months ago. In fact, it is very hopeful and even occasionally exciting, though more often than not, pretty mundane and nothing to worry about.
"Difficulties and anxieties WILL ALWAYS EXIST - they cannot be avoided as they are a part of life as much as brushing your teeth is (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=143659)(!)
"Problems can almost always be solved - there is always an answer. Remember to use techniques such as pros/cons charts to problem solve and overcome worries. It's a darn sight better doing that than only seeing the bedroom and the bathroom for a night.
"Don't be too harsh on yourself. You are generally a good person, actually pretty popular, with a brilliant set of friends and a caring family. You should not question the quality of your work as often as you do - your results speak for themselves.
"Finally, be proud of your achievements, celebrate them, no matter how small".
I'd also like to thank the people of NMP, especially Annie and Tessar who have hauled me out of some holes in the last five to seven months at the height of my breakdown. I'll still hang around here, of course, as it seems to be a brilliant community which I am so glad I found.
Thanks to all for reading such a long post and be glad to know that, given some time and an acceptance of your situation and your horrid symptoms, you will emerge to the other side a stronger person.
Love, Peter xx :)
My anxiety levels are regularly just at a low level on a day-to-day basis, if they are there at all. I've got a smashing social life and I've got plenty arranged between now and Christmas (though not so much that will exhaust myself). Even my friends have commented in the pub how much more noticeably relaxed I seem again.
I do suffer at St James Park regularly, where Newcastle will play three times at home between now and Christmas although we're in good form right at the moment. Occasionally I'll also watch Gateshead such as on Wednesday when they're in the Cup. Finally, I've got three gigs to go to.
Work seems pretty understanding of my problems, although we are being transferred over to Online Services which I struggled with last time and which contributed to an extended period off sick between April and June. Apparently, we're getting better training this time - but, rather than worrying myself ill again, I am instead taking the mindset of 'wait and see'.
The contract only runs until the end of March anyway, and the word around the office is that the department will not have the budget to extend it any further. Again, this could be a cause for concern but it isn't really - I've already started looking for other stuff and, still living at home, I'm in the fortunate position of having a bit of money saved while not having the stress of keeping a roof over my head.
Of course, part of my anxiety was borne out of how I perceived myself in life - at 30, living at home on a short-term contract. Not a great situation if you listen too much to the media, suggesting that you should have done 'X' by the time that you're age 'Y'. I have made some positive lifestyle choices in that I'm helping much more around the house and I would hope that, with some retraining, my work life may settle down a bit and not just bounce from one short-term contract to another. Easier said than done, of course, and so for that reason, again I'm not getting myself wound up about it.
My last session on Thursday was mainly about relapse prevention and what I had learned, and in preparation for it, I wrote a little letter to myself which effectively patted myself on the back:
"Life is not as hopeless as it seemed a few months ago. In fact, it is very hopeful and even occasionally exciting, though more often than not, pretty mundane and nothing to worry about.
"Difficulties and anxieties WILL ALWAYS EXIST - they cannot be avoided as they are a part of life as much as brushing your teeth is (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=143659)(!)
"Problems can almost always be solved - there is always an answer. Remember to use techniques such as pros/cons charts to problem solve and overcome worries. It's a darn sight better doing that than only seeing the bedroom and the bathroom for a night.
"Don't be too harsh on yourself. You are generally a good person, actually pretty popular, with a brilliant set of friends and a caring family. You should not question the quality of your work as often as you do - your results speak for themselves.
"Finally, be proud of your achievements, celebrate them, no matter how small".
I'd also like to thank the people of NMP, especially Annie and Tessar who have hauled me out of some holes in the last five to seven months at the height of my breakdown. I'll still hang around here, of course, as it seems to be a brilliant community which I am so glad I found.
Thanks to all for reading such a long post and be glad to know that, given some time and an acceptance of your situation and your horrid symptoms, you will emerge to the other side a stronger person.
Love, Peter xx :)