View Full Version : Skeletons in cupboard
Has anyone else ever pondered if wrong doing in the past has brought on mental illness now (bad consciounce). I have to be honest and say it goes through my mind from time to time. We all know the expression a few skeletons in the cupboard but i think i'm the proud owner of a cemetery sometimes.
From sleeping my way to the top in a top job, to just not giving a dam about anyone in the past, i have to answer the question am i myself to blame now? But i have to say in all honesty i don't really care that much now about the people in the past i have sacked/ruined/slept with their husbands broke up their families etc. I paint a pretty picture don't i? But no should i feel guilty? Or am i just feeling sorry for myself because i'm now down in the dumps.
Strange i can within reason afford anything i want, yet i'm severely depressed. Who says money makes you happy. If you do want to comment on my post please be totally blunt/honest with me. I don't care about the lives i have ruined so i doubt your comments will offend me,
at cbt im told to never ponder about the past and think about a positive future
we have all done bad things in the past I have but im still a good person deep down
Sorry, but I don't really get your question.
You are asking if I read correctly whether we think that 'wrong doing' or a 'bad conscience' has created or instigated our mental health problems.
To me, both of those things suggest guilt or a sense of being punished for something, plus, if you say that you think you have done a ton of bad things to people in the past/bad stuff, why do you word your question as regarding a 'bad conscience' if you feel no remorse about that??
Just seems odd to me. A bad conscience is when someone has a nagging in the head that they have done awful stuff/feel guilty....but then you say you don't.
Can you clarify what you are asking please? Are you asking if those things weighing on your mind have brought on mental health issues/depression, or whether you think (and I sincerely hope you do not) that mental health problems are some kind of punishment?
Yes i have been told much the same, the lady doctor i see once told me that it was the other peoples fault not mine, i'm still not quite sure how that exactly works. But as you say the past doesn't matter it's the future.
As for being a good person deep down, i'm probably not that anyway and wouldn't want to be to be honest, but i do a few good deeds here and there so i'm not totally evil or anything. I do feel for people who are genuinely suffering but i reached a terrible conclusion lately, I always put me first.
Thank you for the reply.
---------- Post added at 19:34 ---------- Previous post was at 19:24 ----------
Debs 71,,,,I suppose what i'm asking is was it wrong to ruin peoples lives and just put myself first all the time? Lets face it, really face it, it's dog eat dog out there and none of us are angels. The poor and the needy get trampled underfoot, and who wants that?
Business is business at the end of the day and we all line our own baskets the best we can, Better to be a winner than a loser. I suppose your right really one should not punish themselves mentally or indeed in any other way because of how cruel the world can be.
Take natural selection in nature the weak die and the strong survive no one wants that but that's just the way it is.
Thank you for your reply,
I have to say and this is only my opinion, but if I had to act in that way to get ahead in life, I would rather stay at the bottom of the ladder. I have always been someone who puts others before myself.
Well, that way of thinking is fine, but the question I would have is what if the whole world/every person acted like that? All out for themselves, dog eat dog, race of the fittest, etc.
I see what you are driving at, life is combative and competitive to an extent, and it does sadly seem that those with that exact attitude are the ones who get ahead and get on in life...those 'Alpha' individuals who go for what pleases them regardless of others.
Personally though, I would rather skewer my own eyeballs out than be that way, but that's just me.
If getting ahead and being a winner means treading on others and treating them like shit, then no thanks. It is like your question says. We can all justify the way we act as it is a cruel world, and we all have to do what is best for ourselves, but as I said before, if we all were like that nobody would help anyone else out, everyone would be doing each other down, and how exactly would the world function that way?
Don't get me wrong. I'm no saint....nobody is IMO, but I also don't think it right to act selfishly all the time, and I just think that people who try to justify why they do that are sticking their heads in the sand.
Just my opinion.
Also you do seem to think there are consequences to that by your question about 'bad conscience', though you say you don't have one???
p.s. I agree Annie.
Sparkle1984
17-11-13, 19:49
I have to say and this is only my opinion, but if I had to act in that way to get ahead in life, I would rather stay at the bottom of the ladder. I have always been someone who puts others before myself.
That's the sort of thing I was going to say. I hate seeing people being trampled on and I'd rather go without. As long as I have enough food, a roof over my head and am surrounded by people I love, I don't need loads of money in order to be happy. Sadly Vicki I think you've learnt the hard way that money doesn't bring happiness. You can't change the past but you can change how you act towards others in the future. Is there anything you can do to make amends to the people you've upset?
I could take offence at your points!! But as i say i don't, i even see your point and that's your decision and choice.
Annie i am going to have to be totally blunt with you, You enjoy putting others first, well so you claim and i take your word on that point. But that's you, i don't enjoy putting others first, it's nothing personal just the way my nature is. I have tried being charitable lately but it doesn't do that much for me really. As for being the champion of others, sorry that isn't the way of the world and as well you no doubt know. In this world you sink or swim!
Sparkle,, again i hope i can be blunt.. Lets cover wealth first. Your correct money can't buy you happiness! But let me tell you this it can buy you everything else believe me. Yes i may have to worry about my health some days but not where the next penny is coming from, and i'm glad of that as well.
As for your other point about changing the future, please look at the world around you. There's lots trying to do that and it just slips further into the abyss. Anyway you choose to look at it there are winners and losers in this world and do you really think that's changing for the better? It's not is it.
I do genuinely thank you though for your help it has made me come to terms with things in a roundabout way, about myself.
Maybe it's just fate and we are all destined to one path or another,,, Just be what you want to be, but most of all be happy and enjoy it,,i'm certain we can at least all agree on that point.
Being successful doesn't have to come from being selfish though and walking all over other people. Yes, you think you have become a success, but there is no saying you wouldn't have ended up in the same place had you chosen to be nice to people and not use them to further yourself. And when you get older you will realise money and possessions really aren't that important, and don't equate to happiness.
Obviously the way you live your life is entirely up to you, but don't be surprised if you don't get much sympathy from people when you have problems, or you end up alone without any friends.
I do think you need to look at your attitude though, all that 'it's dog eat dog' and 'nice people come last' doesn't actually have anything to do with the real world, it sounds more like the crap contestants on The Apprentice spout to try and show how important they think they are :(
Mike wales, who's asking for sympathy?? You perhaps? I never mentioned it nor would i..
It may be for some but certainly not me. As for looking at my attitude maybe you should read back through your post and look at your own maybe. Now please drop the holier than thou attitude.
What are you going to do delete this post as it bites back?
I find your original post/question very interesting to be honest, Vicki.
I find it perplexing that anyone would ask a very pointed question about personal behaviour/past actions and the part that plays in mental health problems if it is not a big deal for you and you are not worried about it?
I wonder why anyone would almost seemingly be seeking confirmation, reassurance or validation from others in that case?:shrug:
Has anyone else ever pondered if wrong doing in the past has brought on mental illness now (bad consciounce). I have to be honest and say it goes through my mind from time to time. We all know the expression a few skeletons in the cupboard but i think i'm the proud owner of a cemetery sometimes.
From sleeping my way to the top in a top job, to just not giving a dam about anyone in the past, i have to answer the question am i myself to blame now? But i have to say in all honesty i don't really care that much now about the people in the past i have sacked/ruined/slept with their husbands broke up their families etc. I paint a pretty picture don't i? But no should i feel guilty? Or am i just feeling sorry for myself because i'm now down in the dumps.
Strange i can within reason afford anything i want, yet i'm severely depressed. Who says money makes you happy. If you do want to comment on my post please be totally blunt/honest with me. I don't care about the lives i have ruined so i doubt your comments will offend me,
I,m being completely honest here Vicky.
It seems to me that you are a very Narcissistic person,and life has finally caught up with you.
Karma some call it. But I believe that what you give in life finally comes back to bite you on the arse.
Feelings of guilt even without regret are traits of Anxiety and most of us know that this in turn can lead to other mental health issues.
If you felt more at peace with yourself as a person you wouldn,t feel the need to ask what you have. Its very obvious your not happy .
Maybe a change of lifestyle and attitude would help maybe ?
TC
nomorepanic
17-11-13, 22:37
My mum always says to me "what goes around comes around" and I think that is very true.
My mum always says to me "what goes around comes around" and I think that is very true.
Me too.
I am firm believer in Karma...what you give out at some point you get back....with interest.
theharvestmouse
17-11-13, 23:17
I agree with Clarisse's post.
JITTERBUG1
18-11-13, 07:02
I believe you may be feeling some guilt whether it is conscious or your subconscious. A lot of peoples anxiety is caused by their subconscious. That is why it is so hard to control. As for treating people like crap for your own gain, I just can't wrap my mind around that. I can't sleep at night if I think I may have caused anyone any hurt feelings during the day. Most of my anxiety started from worrying about others so much, but I would never change that. Every night I ask God to help my be a nicer more caring person towards others. Making someone smile is worth more than a dollar in my book. We are all human and deserve love and respect for the short time we are here. One should never purposefully cause pain to another.
Vicki, I said 'when' you are looking for sympathy, not that you are now, and at some point in your life you will.
My point is that you seem to justify your behaviour because of where you have ended up in life, and think that it was worth it to be 'successful'. Of course that depends on your definition, and yours seems to be only based on financial reasons. not that you are surrounded by good friends, do things to help others or have other things that would probably make you a lot happier.
If you truly didn't care at all, and thought it was all worth it and loved your life, then there would be no reason for your depression to be linked to anything you have done in the past.
I agree with Clarisse's post.
I think that you don't want to feel guilt but that you actually do and this is where your inner conflict is coming from.
What you decide to do about it is up to you but it does seem that a change of attitude towards life and others in general is in order. The bottom line is that selfish people end up alone and I'm sure you don't want that.
Nicola Administrator,,,What goes around comes around,,,,Oh please. Half of our government, dictators of various countries would probably be dead if that were true. I will prove that point as well.
Think of a certain Labour prime minister who helped wage a false war about 10 years ago, lots have died and suffered because of that wouldn't you agree? Now do you see that person suffering in any way? Far from both he and his family are really doing well now.
And now i'm afraid i must totally disprove your theory. Most of the people on here are suffering in various ways wouldn't you agree? So their just getting retribution are they?
The way i see it you have to face up to things maybe to get better, no point hiding your head in the sand. We are all like we are probably because that is how we were meant to be. There is no good or bad really, and maybe no rhyme or reason either.
And now i'm afraid i must totally disprove your theory. Most of the people on here are suffering in various ways wouldn't you agree? So their just getting retribution are they?
The way i see it you have to face up to things maybe to get better, no point hiding your head in the sand. We are all like we are probably because that is how we were meant to be. There is no good or bad really, and maybe no rhyme or reason either.
So what you are saying from what I can make out Vicki, is that we are suffering or 'paying' in some way for previous behaviours and deeds...is that right?
Sounds like you are projecting your own guilt and feelings on everyone else now.
Sorry, but if you are suggesting that mental health problems are some kind of punishment or that it is our fate or predestined in some way then you have no place whatsoever on this site, in my opinion
That kind of suggestion is damaging to others, medieval and ignorant as sh*t, and maybe you need far more help beyond this site.
Sorry.
You are pretty defensive for someone who said they wouldn't be offended by anybody's answers. What did you think people would say?
The bottom line is that you can tread on as many people as you like but one day, when nobody gives a sh*t about you any longer, you have to accept the consequences of that and that's usually being left bitter and alone. Clinical depression, anxiety or any number of disorders may or may not come into it but it isn't going to be a picnic.
The less-than-sympathetic responses of people on this thread are an indicator of what lies ahead so you'd better think about changing or get used to it.
Your life, your call.
What you choose to believe in,
or how you go about life Vicky is your choice.
You asked the question,s and I somehow believe you were just seeking justification for your actions.
You as every other human being on the planet have to live with your actions,Karma doesnt have one face and you will never know what guilt or torment that Politician is dealing with.
You would be far better off feeling remorse for your own actions and the sheer devastating effects you have caused your own victims in life ,than judging others.
You seem very confrontational and as you can see,what you give out you are getting back.
No one got personal with you and all I can see is you constantly are looking for arguements.
Not only that ,your first post and the last ,really contradict each other.
Makes me wonder what you motives are here to be perfectly honest.:shrug:
nomorepanic
18-11-13, 17:27
You have no way of knowing if that person and his family are doing well though.
I never said people are suffering because of their past wrong-doings.
Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people
nomorepanic
18-11-13, 17:31
I just read your intro post Vicki:
"I'm vicki, why am i here? Well 2 years ago i was the happiest person on earth until i found out my husband was cheating on me with one of my best friends, well i won't bore you with the details needless to say my world fell apart overnight."
So things do come back to bite you on the bum!
Barnabas75
18-11-13, 18:34
You wanted some brutal honesty..here goes..but you will probably hate me for it..
And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?
:flowers:
Oh Debs or anyone else don't be sorry, i ask for honesty, not rich tea and sympathy.
People saying it will all get better etc etc is all well and good, but i stopped believing in fairy tales about the same time i stopped putting my teeth under the pillow for the tooth fairy.
Best to live your life in the real world isn't it? Not Peter Pans world.
I've been watching this thread develop & have read the various posts but I am still confused. I don't quite get where this is all going or what it is that you are looking for, Vicki. But in fact i do I wonder if your intro post throws some light on all this:
"I'm vicki, why am i here? Well 2 years ago i was the happiest person on earth until i found out my husband was cheating on me with one of my best friends, well i won't bore you with the details needless to say my world fell apart overnight."
I obviously can't comment on this from your perspective but had something like this happened to me, I would be devastated. My ability to trust in people would be gone because the one person in the world who should be my best friend would have been a liar & a cheat. I'd feel rejected. Maybe bitter even.
I do wonder if perhaps this wrongdoing by your husband is behind your current depression? It would be hard not to feel rejected. Of your past you say "I don't really care that much now about the people in the past i have sacked/ruined/slept with their husbands broke up their families etc"
Is it different now that the "boot is on the other foot"?
I am genuinely curious about this because underneath the hard exterior you present, I sense a hurt & disappointed individual. Someone who perhaps wishes to express their hurt but finds this difficult.
To me, your comment "If you do want to comment on my post please be totally blunt/honest with me" reads like an invitation to attack you. Perhaps you feel you do need to be punished or that you feel you deserve punishment. You are inviting members here to do that for you. If they do, you can then pick away at them in turn & add them to your pile of conquests. These are however people genuinely interested in helping you.
You then furthered this with "I don't care about the lives i have ruined so i doubt your comments will offend me".
Perhaps the words I am looking for are in this post.....
I agree with Clarisse's post.
I think that you don't want to feel guilt but that you actually do and this is where your inner conflict is coming from.
What you decide to do about it is up to you but it does seem that a change of attitude towards life and others in general is in order. The bottom line is that selfish people end up alone and I'm sure you don't want that.
In closing, I do sense that you have conflict going on in your mind but you aren't sure how to resolve it. At the moment, your natural instinct is to strike out at people.
To lash out, especially at those who might dare suggest the way to resolve your inner conflict would be to become more at ease with the world and the other people in it.
These people you feel like walking all over could actually help you more than you know. Risky though it may seem .....why not give them a chance because you might find that happiness you are looking for.
Barnabas75
19-11-13, 23:39
After some thought I agree with Tessar.Maybe your hard exterior is a cover for a soft interior.You would not hurt otherwise.We have all done and thought bad things at some point in our lives.Who am I to judge you.Sometimes I think the consequences are to make us see that our choices can be painful.Maybe you could start a new day.:flowers:
Vicky, it seems to me, from what I've read, that you suffered a terrible blow when your husband left and that you reacted by refusing to face the feelings this brought. You adopted, instead, a persona which claimed that it couldn't be hurt, couldn't care and would do whatever it took to succeed - perhaps in order to compensate for the damage done to your self esteem.
I would imagine that anybody who is betrayed by a husband and a best friend would question whether they were to blame. Perhaps this betrayal "confirmed" an already fragile self-esteem. It can sometimes be far easier to refuse to face up to such feelings and to react by adopting some belief that the world is a vicious place and that one has to become hardened to suffering in order to survive.
I think, however, you do care. If you didn't care then you would not have asked the question "should I feel guilty?" One doesn't feel guilt if one doesn't care.
Your surival strategy probably worked well for a while. It brought you career success but it hasn't made you happy and now the solution is becoming a problem in its own right. Your depression would seem, at first glance, to be a result of suppressed emotions and a period of time during which you really haven't been true to yourself.
I don't think you're narcissistic. I think you hurt very badly and that your survival strategy is no longer working. I think you'd like to get back to the person you were before. I think you feel as if you'd like to be better even than that.
You can do it. I very much doubt that you live around Berks or Oxon but you could find another therapist closer to you who could help. You don't sound short of money and so I'd really recommend that you went to see someone who could help.
Best wishes
Paul
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