Hope1
20-11-13, 15:22
Thank you for taking time to read my post. I am 32 years old and happily married. My problems started about 10 years ago, I would say that I ‘Lost’ myself. It started with panic one day, and since then have had a spaced out feeling of not knowing myself. It has remained with me everyday, the worst symptom is feeling dizzy and not in control of my own thoughts. This affects my eyes as I don’t feel I’m seeing the world as it really is.
I’ve worn contact lenses for many years which got irritable, so in 2012 I started to wear glasses and started to feel some relief from anxious thoughts after all those years, the glasses made me feel ‘safe’ like a ‘hiding place’. Confident and feeling better than I have for years, and believing that anxiety was in my past, I’d spoken to family and friends that have had laser eye surgery and loved it. I liked the idea of freedom from glasses and contacts, and because I was feeling good in myself, I was full of hope that it was a new start for me so I went ahead with the surgery in Nov-2012.
Immediately afterwards, my anxiety returned, and ever since I have been focussing on my vision constantly, this is very distressing as I cannot think of anything else. Every waking moment I am thinking about my eyes. Since the anxiety has returned my problems feel magnified as my vision was always one of my anxiety symptoms. I am now regretting my decision and thinking that the laser eye surgery has gone wrong, even though I am seeing well. I have become addicted to Googling bad things about laser eye surgery, and believe that I have all of the symptoms and then they become reality. I am attracted to the bad reviews and worst case scenarios, I have read good reviews too and some people are so happy that they had it done, why can’t I be? My head is constantly tired with all the worry and constant thoughts about my eyes, which in turn makes my eyes very tired and blurry, and I feel off balance and out of control. Everywhere is looking really dark to me right now, which I’m thinking ‘is that my eyes’? What have I done to myself. I have become afraid to go to work even though I am still here its awful, I feel scared to walk down the street, go to the shops etc.. I went to a restaurant recently and I was so focussed on my vision and wondering how the lighting looked, the little voice in my head saying ‘does everywhere look darker than before surgery?’ that I hated every moment and couldn’t wait to get home, where the voice started questioning what the lights in our house look like, I've never paid any notice to them before.. I get the same voice in my head all the time questioning me constantly. I just cannot relax. I am glad to go to bed at night as I am sleeping well and this is my only escape.
I know that I am not thinking straight at the moment and cannot get a grip of this situation to deal with it, I can’t see anyway out of this. I have gone through many different worries over the past 10 years including general anxiety, health anxiety, but this time I really feel like I cannot get out of this situation as I cannot reverse the surgery, I really feel like there is no hope for me. Earlier this year I had CBT which was just ok.
Thank you for listening to me and I would be extremely grateful for advice if anyone has gone through something similar, or had laser eye surgery.
I’ve worn contact lenses for many years which got irritable, so in 2012 I started to wear glasses and started to feel some relief from anxious thoughts after all those years, the glasses made me feel ‘safe’ like a ‘hiding place’. Confident and feeling better than I have for years, and believing that anxiety was in my past, I’d spoken to family and friends that have had laser eye surgery and loved it. I liked the idea of freedom from glasses and contacts, and because I was feeling good in myself, I was full of hope that it was a new start for me so I went ahead with the surgery in Nov-2012.
Immediately afterwards, my anxiety returned, and ever since I have been focussing on my vision constantly, this is very distressing as I cannot think of anything else. Every waking moment I am thinking about my eyes. Since the anxiety has returned my problems feel magnified as my vision was always one of my anxiety symptoms. I am now regretting my decision and thinking that the laser eye surgery has gone wrong, even though I am seeing well. I have become addicted to Googling bad things about laser eye surgery, and believe that I have all of the symptoms and then they become reality. I am attracted to the bad reviews and worst case scenarios, I have read good reviews too and some people are so happy that they had it done, why can’t I be? My head is constantly tired with all the worry and constant thoughts about my eyes, which in turn makes my eyes very tired and blurry, and I feel off balance and out of control. Everywhere is looking really dark to me right now, which I’m thinking ‘is that my eyes’? What have I done to myself. I have become afraid to go to work even though I am still here its awful, I feel scared to walk down the street, go to the shops etc.. I went to a restaurant recently and I was so focussed on my vision and wondering how the lighting looked, the little voice in my head saying ‘does everywhere look darker than before surgery?’ that I hated every moment and couldn’t wait to get home, where the voice started questioning what the lights in our house look like, I've never paid any notice to them before.. I get the same voice in my head all the time questioning me constantly. I just cannot relax. I am glad to go to bed at night as I am sleeping well and this is my only escape.
I know that I am not thinking straight at the moment and cannot get a grip of this situation to deal with it, I can’t see anyway out of this. I have gone through many different worries over the past 10 years including general anxiety, health anxiety, but this time I really feel like I cannot get out of this situation as I cannot reverse the surgery, I really feel like there is no hope for me. Earlier this year I had CBT which was just ok.
Thank you for listening to me and I would be extremely grateful for advice if anyone has gone through something similar, or had laser eye surgery.