polly87
20-11-13, 21:09
Hello all
I'm Polly and I'm a PhD student. I am not new to anxiety. To be honest I've had it in one way or another my whole life. As an infant I coped by giving everyone that wasn't in my immediate family the silent treatment (I've read about selective mutes since then, I'm pretty sure I was one). At school I skived off most of my early secondary school days. During my GCSEs I became severely anxious about work and would procrastinate to the point of self-sabotage.
And yet, against all odds, I became a fully functioning and high achieving adult. I am still introverted by nature, but I'm not shy either and I can be quite the hedonist when I want to be. I'm fiercely ambitious and pretty good at acquitting myself in work and social situations. I'm smiley and giggly and very optimistic - at least I was...
I started to get behind in my PhD work, and then started having panic attacks: shortness of breath, heart palpitations, weird sensory discombobulations (don't know quite how to explain it). They don't last long but they are pretty frequent. I procrastinate fiercely, and now it is certainly impacting the quality of my work and my chances of completing on time. It is a shame because I really do enjoy my doctoral project, and though I'm not a natural writer I'm comfortable with writing in most situations. Now, going to the library triggers panic attacks, as does sending work to my supervisors. I'm also now very depressed - I am binge eating and suffering quite regular emotional breakdowns and periods of disconnect from my friends and my loving partner.
The hardest thing at the moment has been going to university and getting through some terrible feedback sessions. I've also found it really difficult to get myself to my GP and ask for diagnosis and treatment. It's like my brain can't cope with doing all the things, and its choice of action is to shut down completely leaving me incapable of doing anything.
Gosh, that was a rant. I also really like shoes and stationery.
Polly
I'm Polly and I'm a PhD student. I am not new to anxiety. To be honest I've had it in one way or another my whole life. As an infant I coped by giving everyone that wasn't in my immediate family the silent treatment (I've read about selective mutes since then, I'm pretty sure I was one). At school I skived off most of my early secondary school days. During my GCSEs I became severely anxious about work and would procrastinate to the point of self-sabotage.
And yet, against all odds, I became a fully functioning and high achieving adult. I am still introverted by nature, but I'm not shy either and I can be quite the hedonist when I want to be. I'm fiercely ambitious and pretty good at acquitting myself in work and social situations. I'm smiley and giggly and very optimistic - at least I was...
I started to get behind in my PhD work, and then started having panic attacks: shortness of breath, heart palpitations, weird sensory discombobulations (don't know quite how to explain it). They don't last long but they are pretty frequent. I procrastinate fiercely, and now it is certainly impacting the quality of my work and my chances of completing on time. It is a shame because I really do enjoy my doctoral project, and though I'm not a natural writer I'm comfortable with writing in most situations. Now, going to the library triggers panic attacks, as does sending work to my supervisors. I'm also now very depressed - I am binge eating and suffering quite regular emotional breakdowns and periods of disconnect from my friends and my loving partner.
The hardest thing at the moment has been going to university and getting through some terrible feedback sessions. I've also found it really difficult to get myself to my GP and ask for diagnosis and treatment. It's like my brain can't cope with doing all the things, and its choice of action is to shut down completely leaving me incapable of doing anything.
Gosh, that was a rant. I also really like shoes and stationery.
Polly