Yet more mysery with my girlfriend

[busterkins]

PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ - I cant take this anymore

I have recently posted a thread in this section "anxioty is destroying my relationship"

we have had a steady day or two without arguing but about an hour ago I called up my girlfriend from work to see how she was. to cut a long story short she had overhead a conversation including her grandma and grandad about how she looks far to over weight. she has gone from about 10.5 stone to about 12 in the past two years. ..she is very tall and in my opinion look pretty much in proportion.

overhearing this has understandably upset her, however...
she has taken the whole thing out on my (for the millionth time)
as I said this to her
"I think you look perfect and are just natural the way you are. your grandparents are somewhat health frreaks, dont let it get you down, join a gym and watch what you eat... and try not to drink larger in the pubs." she flew of the handle at me.. "its your f ing fault we go the pub all the time (not true) I only look forward to food im miserable its all your fault" phone goes dead

I cant keep feeling like this anymore, treading on egg shells, watching what I say, anxious 24/7
that may seem like nothing but it just keeps happening and I dont know what to do.

my other thread should make you understand more about whats going on

[T*]

Understanding a woman: chapter one, verse three.

Under no circumstances should you ever reccomend exercise ideas or diet ideas to a woman who is worried about her weight.

On a serious note, this is such a normal argument! Stop worrying yourself about things like this.

Also as ive read your previous posts aswell I would assume shes treading on egg shells too. Gibe yurself a break and just love each other and let it be.

[Fishmanpa]

Understanding a woman: chapter one, verse three.

Under no circumstances should you ever recommend exercise ideas or diet ideas to a woman who is worried about her weight.
.

:doh: Yep... Regardless of the entire situation, the above is in the book for sure. And NEVER under any circumstances hesitate at all when asked "Do these jeans make my butt look fat?" It is and fast and firm "No.. you look great baby" and shut your mouth! ;)

That being said, as I've said previously, this is not a healthy situation. It's quite apparent to me that the wounds of infidelity have gone a lot deeper than you realize and are the root of your anxiety issue in my opinion. You either find a way to deal and accept it or remove yourself from the source. The latter, based on how you're explaining the current state of affairs, seems to be more prudent.

Positive thoughts

[HoneyLove]

I find a lot of the time in this kind of situtation people just want to vent, and they just want you to hear them. They're not looking for advice or a solution, so all you need to do is say things like 'what a horrible thing for them to say' or 'that must have made you feel so bad' - just make them feel heard, if you know what I mean?

That said, if you feel like you're walking around on eggshells in your relationship constantly then something's not right. I've been living like this for years, and have finally realised that the stress of it is just too much. It's not a good way to live.

[nomirawr1]

I find a lot of the time in this kind of situtation people just want to vent, and they just want you to hear them. They're not looking for advice or a solution, so all you need to do is say things like 'what a horrible thing for them to say' or 'that must have made you feel so bad' - just make them feel heard, if you know what I mean?

That said, if you feel like you're walking around on eggshells in your relationship constantly then something's not right. I've been living like this for years, and have finally realised that the stress of it is just too much. It's not a good way to live.

I agree with all of this. When you're stressed out and venting (and particularly on a really touchy topic), being given suggestions can be taken WAY the wrong way (I'm guilty of this on occasion!).

And I agree with the second paragraph too - I spent 4 years in a relationship walking on eggshells (tried to make it work, as we had 2 kids), and it was horrific - and probably, in the end, what really set off my anxiety.
It really needs to be dealt with, so you can either go your separate ways or fix it - either way you will both be much happier than walking on eggshells constantly and never knowing when you're going to have your partner snap at you. After reading your original post, I would suggest the former - it really doesn't sound like a healthy or productive relationship for either of you.

[Rennie1989]

Women are fascinating creatures, we ask for opinion and not accept the answer given to us!

My husband is the butt end of my frustration. I honestly try not to inflict it upon him and when it happens he will tell me if I'm going too far. It would benefit you if you sat down with your girlfriend and told her exactly how she makes you feel. She may not be 100% aware of how she's speaking to you and a little nudge to 'stop it' may be what she needs. When we get comfortable in relationships we can sometimes come across short tempered but it's a sign the relationship is healthy, in my opinion anyway.

[vicki1980]

Maybe it's time to find another girlfriend,,Why make yourself miserable like that?

Life's to short for that.

---------- Post added at 22:21 ---------- Previous post was at 22:20 ----------

Maybe it's time to find another girlfriend,,Why make yourself miserable like that?

Life's to short for that.

[ankietyjoe]

On a serious note, this is such a normal argument!

I disagree

Perhaps if you're teenagers, but adults needn't behave this way.

If she is concerned about her weight, then it's her responsibility. Blaming a partner is childlike and selfish.

[T*]

Yes it may be childish but we all say things we dont mean when were angry or hurt, at any age, and often to the people we love most.

[ankietyjoe]

Reading the OP's post this sounds like a common occurrence to me.