struggling tonight

[T*]

So the last few days have been really good, especially yesterday. But tonight im suddenly struggling with imtrusive thoughts rapid heart rate. My head has been so clear and now its so foggy and I camt think straight again. I know exactly why, im seeing a friend tommorow who I havent seen in a while, and we had a bit of a disagreement last time about her partner. Just need a bit of reassurance that everythings ok.

[hheavenlyangel]

I quite often get anxious when I am seeing someone I haven't seen in while. I am very critical of myself and a people pleaser and really dislike confrontation, but over the years I have been better at it. Its always a nervous time seeing someone you haven't seen in a while, even harder when there has been an incident of sorts but don't let that hold you back. Just remember it happened quite some time back. Its going to be fine, just grab a coffee, relax into it... it really will be fine. :)

[phil6]

Same here ...
I feel relaxed yesterday and can think straight... Everything in the world is good etc etc.
Then, just because of a bit of a churning stomach, my mind comes up with the same old doubts... Can I do things etc etc. Will this ever end, everything seems like a threat. Dread!
I think the only way to get over this is to understand that this is just a feeling and I have to start deciding to bat these thoughts off as bluff.
This is so believable.... But it doesn't make it true.
The choice is, do I despair at not being able to cope (or think I can't cope) with this feeling, or do I do what feels wrong.... To just drop the subject and believe that it will pass.
Phil

[T*]

I am very critical of myself too. And ovoid confrontation to the point where ive let people off in the past when theyve not been very good to me. In the last year though ive stood up for myself a lot more, and because people dont expect it from me, they are under some sort of beleif that ive become a bit harsh. In truth they just arent used to me telling then no or putting them in there place. The situation with her partner is resolved, he apologised, and though I dont particularly like him that doesnt really matter.

Just feel a bit low as I thought I was getting somewhere, to the point where bad thought would c8me and go, I was working on the ocd aspect and making progress and then tonight bam...just dont know if I can cope with the idea of having a few good days and always knowing a really bad day might be coming up. So frustrating because ive been trying so hard and now tonight I cant control a thing.so annoying. :(

---------- Post added at 22:18 ---------- Previous post was at 21:59 ----------

When I feel like this I just want to walk to the hospital and ask them to please help me, put me in a dark room for a while. I cant be around people when I feel like this. Now thay my partner knows and understands everything, he really notices the changes in me, im normally a bouncy person who tries to be ositive and love to muck around and ealier he told me he could tell I was struggling because I dont talk as much and when I do I slurr my words and constantly rub my face and just look terrified. I hate that he see's thisand just cant be around him :( sorry for long messages. Just venting.

[Tanner40]

T, it sounds like you've identified part of the problem. You don't like conflict and want to please people. I've been there. I have had to work on my self esteem and my ability to try and read people's minds, so that I think I know what they're feeling. Saying positive things to myself has really helped. I have begun to realize that I can't make everyone like me because if I do that, I won't like myself. The more I work on liking myself, the less I feel the need to people please and the less frightening confrontation becomes for me.

As for bad days and good days, I had a really bad morning a few days ago, and I had been doing so well. It's so much more familiar for me to concentrate and dwell on the bad moments, rather than thinking and dwelling on the good ones. There will always be bad days and good days. It's a matter of being able to find the joy and something to smile about on the worst of them.

[T*]

Thats very true tanner, and I dont want to sacrifice liking myself just so that everyone likes me.

Im just finding everything that was once normal or easy, very very difficult.
Its even wprse today because didmt really sleep last night amd had to be up at 5:30.

[phil6]

Just a thought....
This is all about the way anxiety creates negative thinking. It twists the mind into seeing the negative side of everything and playing out frightening thoughts of what might happen in the future. This is why it is so difficult to think positively when we are anxious. We are victims of faulty thinking.
I have been having a tough morning and my mind is telling me a raft of "I can't " thoghts in an attempt to get me to crawl back into my hole and stay safe. This is what anxiety is designed to do.
Step 1 is to understand and realise that this is what is happening.
Step 2 is to gently tell yourself that these are just faulty thoughts and do not need to be analysed, dealt with, or followed.
Step 3 is reassuring yourself with an alternative thought, even if this is hard to believe at this time... Accept even this. The reassuring thought might simply be, that this state will pass shortly and you will no longer think this way.
This is what I am trying to do... It doesn't give instant results... It is simply an alternative to the struggle and one which will help to calm you when passing through rough periods. It needs practice.
Phil

[T*]

Thanks phil. Appreciate that. I have been practising such things, butnwhen the anxiety gets really and I cant think or even talk, I cant seem to do it veery well.

[phil6]

T
Don't feel bad about how hard you find it..... Join the rest of us!
Phil

[T*]

I just feel annoyed. Im trying to do this wihout medication but just seems to get harder.

I am so glad todays over, I can finally breathe. (Feels like i havent taken a breath all day). I feel a bit better now I have a long bath and some kalms but still feel umsettled and not myself. Would like tp hybernate for a few days now x

[LisaLisa]

I know exactly how u feel. My anxiety really takes over. I usually focus on health issues but I depends on if anything else comes to take its place:weep:
I know now that its my thoughts and behaviour that take it to where it goes and keeps it there I had been anxiety free for about two years but it recently came back and im struggling big time. I find my rules are ..

1) make sure I carry on normal behavour at all times.....if i catch myself starting to do my anxious behaviours ie...checking symptoms, avoiding interacting with people etc ( theres loadsz , lol) I quietly check myself and get back to doind something non anxious. This is because I learned the hard way that acting anxious only gives u 1 thing...more anxiety skys the limit, 100% fact so really nnnnooooooo point in giving in to anxious behaviour

2) remember my thoughts are only that....not fact. I choose to acknowledge that I have the thought and then choose not to interact or development the thought.....then let it go.
3) if my thoughts are based on what if....it triggers me to realise they are faulty anxious thoughts and no use to me as im not a fortune teller and it lets me feel off the hook about
that worry so I cant let that thought go.
4)low blood sugar and stress create very anxious thoughts that must definately be ignored . I acknowledge that those thoughts are false and refuse to interact with them until ive eaten or removedbthe stress....and rarely to I still think them once I have.

lisa xxx

[T*]

Thankyou lisa, that was really helpful!

Im such a logical person amd normally know the root cause, but that doesnt seem to stop it getting out of control. Its normally always down to stress and bad memories me with and lack of confidence in myself.

I just think its such a shame that so mamy people suffer from this and it has a major effect on their lives, makes me quite sad to think really. I didnt quite realise how common it is until joining here.

[pas74]

So glad I've read this thread. Can identify with everything. I'm new to this anxiety thing and still getting to grips with CBT which helps, but only when I remember to use it.
Night waking is my problem. Hate waking at 3am it's such a lonely time. If it was 5am after the same amount of sleep it wouldn't be so bad. I'd simply tell myself it's an early morning.

Lisa, thank you for your comments. T*, good luck x

[phil6]

Some great comments on this thread.
Lisa, The methods you describe for dealing with your thoughts are definitely the right way.
T, you sound very much like me. I am much too logical sometimes, and cannot resist, when feeling anxious, trying to work out the way I should deal with it. I am also not taking meds as I had a really bad time when I tried them.
I think at the end of the day I just don't like feeling unwell, and then start imagining all the situations I could be in when feeling anxious. It's internal storytelling and it does me no good at all. It's also very unnecessary for me since I don't really have anything major to worry about. All the stressful things i used to have to deal with when I was working have now gone away as I am retired, yet I am anxious I still imagine myself in those situations. And althogh this sounds silly, when I decide I don't need to do this any more then it feels like I am not really facing my anxieties. So I find myself putting myself through things in my imagination, things that are no longer ever going to happen. Stupid really, but habit.
It's just that Anxiety does encourage you think this in this faulty way, to keep testing yourself.
I find if I can stop myself and start thinking that there is nothing really to worry about then the feelings and the anxiety slowly pass and I can see the light. That the worry is unnecessary.
Then the mind drops the subject and everything returns to normal, and you can see how silly all of this is.
But it's very easy trap to fall into and I think we need to stop blaming ourselves for getting caught in the trap. And I think we also need to give ourselves time... It does take practice. It also requires courage as anxiety is a pretty frightening thing to endure.

Phil

[T*]

Thankyou.
Ive always had a really stressful life so its easy to see why im like this.

Im trying to take everyday as it comes, and today I am having a good day. Would say that my anxiety level is around 3 or 4 today and im able to do normal daily things. So im going to take that as a good day, and im determined tommorow will be too.