Selective Eating Disorder

[NowVoyager]

Not sure if I'm posting this in the right place, but I'd really like to hear from any members who suffer from selective eating disorder and how much does it restrict or impact on other areas of your life?

For me my eating issues are linked to my social anxiety, which I've had since I was in my teens and over the past decade have come a long way in getting it under control. Part of my social anxiety was fear of eating in front of other people, which stemmed from being an extremely picky eater since childhood - I hated anybody commenting on what I was or wasn't eating and went through a phase of only eating when alone or physically hiding whatever I was putting in my mouth. This is turn affected my ability to socialise 'normally' because I'd be so cripplingly afraid of eating in public that I would do anything to avoid it. Through medication and CBT I gradually began to get my social anxiety under control through my mid-20s and when I met my husband finally found someone I could relax and eat along with because he liked a lot of the same foods as me and was accepting of my fussiness and phobias about certain food items with questioning or disapproving.

Apart from social occasions such as the odd wedding where the meal has been a challenge for me due to a set menu, I've been plodding along relatively happily but now I'm finding my food anxieties are causing me real issues again. Following the breakdown of my marriage earlier in the year I've started to date again and the problem is that the person I'm seeing is quite an adventurous eater (I say adventurous, although he's probably just normal compared to me!) and I feel really uncomfortable eating with him and find myself making excuses all the time to avoid having meals with him. It's ridiculous really because we have talked about my social anxiety and panic attacks, and yet I still feel too embarrassed to be honest about my eating habits. It's causing me a lot of stress at the moment because it's impacting so much on my ability to form a new relationship.

Has anyone else had similar issues?

[phil6]

Hi,
I certainly can relate to your eating disorder.
I suffered most of my life with a fear of eating out, at social occasions. Christmas was particularly difficult for me. Also at times when I had to attend events due to my work this would cause me anxiety often several weeks in advance.
I sort of got over this by self medicating prior to the meal with a little alcohol... Usually a brandy. And eventually as I grew older I worried less and less about it and therefore got over this phobia. My fear was about not being able to eat the meal and embarrassing myself. It has taken me a long time to realise that people don't really notice and are not really interested in my meal.
However I still get anxiety, and are currently trying to cope with GAD. And I guess its memory coming back, but I do still get a little anxious about my eating.
The thing that's common with all of us is our faulty thinking when anxious.
In my case it was a learning that it didn't matter whether I ate my meal or left it. I still find this difficult, but it is true.
My only advice would be not to be too embarrassed about your particular Anxiety. It may seem embarrassing to you and very important to you but it's not to anyone else. Social anxieties like these are not really of any interest to others. It's just exaggerated in our own minds. Try and take your problem and little less seriously. Allow yourself to feel this way, these feelings are just caused by faulty thoughts. If you want to tell your new boyfriend about this then go ahead. I am sure he will completely understand and won't see it as the major problem that you do.
Be prepared to feel this way for the time being, as you recover.
Good luck.
Phil