Hating bullies and not knowing what to do :-(

[Hayley1982]

I work with one horrid person who is a bully but my manager won't have it and I don't know where I stand but I'm getting ill from it all. I come home and cry cos I'm soo exhausted with it all. I hate this guy and I choose not to talk to him nomore. My manager is so far up this lads arse. Sorry for ranting xx

[blue moon]

Is there someone above your manager you could talk to.?
Petra

[Tessar]

I have had similar problems, Hayley and have indeed been in a situation at work in the last few months which is building towards this. have a look here at this information about assertiveness. it is very helpful indeed.

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=51

out of interest I have tried so many techniques on this colleague of mine. I don't think they mean to be unkind towards me. I don't think they are aware how their behaviour impacts on me. she is the same with other people so I know it isn't personal. what doesn't help me is my past. I have been bullied, abused and stuff which means I am very very sensitive to that kind of behaviour.

something else to remember is that people who bully are not happy individuals. perhaps they feel threatened. it might be that you are clever, you are good at your job and for some reason instead of embracing these facts, this person is envious or perhaps does feel threatened. I am certain these facts operate with this colleague of mine. if ever she has paid me a compliment, it's been delivered in a demeaning way. so in other words its like she says "oh you are so clever knowing that" (said in a snide voice) or maybe "trust you to know that" and "of you are just so organised" with emphasis on the "so" as if to say being organised is not clever but should be laughed about.

she tried poking fun at me last week in front of many colleagues. I can tell you she got short shrift from me. I am not tolerating that crap ever again having had some very unhappy times in previous jobs. the way I put it at the moment is "i need to grow some balls". I really do. I need to find a way of standing up to this woman and I can tell you I will. so I do feel for you. don't forget you aren't on your own here. we'll support you.

so......make sure you have a look at this link and the information on assertiveness. it is terribly frustrating to be in this situation but there are things you can do to change it. do remember you can change what is going on. you can empower yourself. do not assume nothing can be done because it can.

you do not have to tolerate bullying in the workplace or elsewhere. I suggest you make notes of what has happened. this could have two benefits:
1. it is evidence that you can use should this need to be escalated (as petra suggests, is there anyone else you can escalate this to?)
2. you can look back at the notes and reflect on the overall situation. see if you can ascertain whether there are other influences making you sensitive to this person. all sort of things might be triggering your reaction. do they remind you of someone who has bullied you in the past?

I understand totally how hard it is to combat bullying but it can be done. staying strong isn't easy I know that but like I say it can be done.
have a look at the information and let me know what you think. its quite detailed but work be very well worth reading.

bye for now x

[russdownunder]

I have had similar problems, Hayley and have indeed been in a situation at work in the last few months which is building towards this. have a look here at this information about assertiveness. it is very helpful indeed.

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=51

out of interest I have tried so many techniques on this colleague of mine. I don't think they mean to be unkind towards me. I don't think they are aware how their behaviour impacts on me. she is the same with other people so I know it isn't personal. what doesn't help me is my past. I have been bullied, abused and stuff which means I am very very sensitive to that kind of behaviour.

something else to remember is that people who bully are not happy individuals. perhaps they feel threatened. it might be that you are clever, you are good at your job and for some reason instead of embracing these facts, this person is envious or perhaps does feel threatened. I am certain these facts operate with this colleague of mine. if ever she has paid me a compliment, it's been delivered in a demeaning way. so in other words its like she says "oh you are so clever knowing that" (said in a snide voice) or maybe "trust you to know that" and "of you are just so organised" with emphasis on the "so" as if to say being organised is not clever but should be laughed about.

she tried poking fun at me last week in front of many colleagues. I can tell you she got short shrift from me. I am not tolerating that crap ever again having had some very unhappy times in previous jobs. the way I put it at the moment is "i need to grow some balls". I really do. I need to find a way of standing up to this woman and I can tell you I will. so I do feel for you. don't forget you aren't on your own here. we'll support you.

so......make sure you have a look at this link and the information on assertiveness. it is terribly frustrating to be in this situation but there are things you can do to change it. do remember you can change what is going on. you can empower yourself. do not assume nothing can be done because it can.

you do not have to tolerate bullying in the workplace or elsewhere. I suggest you make notes of what has happened. this could have two benefits:
1. it is evidence that you can use should this need to be escalated (as petra suggests, is there anyone else you can escalate this to?)
2. you can look back at the notes and reflect on the overall situation. see if you can ascertain whether there are other influences making you sensitive to this person. all sort of things might be triggering your reaction. do they remind you of someone who has bullied you in the past?

I understand totally how hard it is to combat bullying but it can be done. staying strong isn't easy I know that but like I say it can be done.
have a look at the information and let me know what you think. its quite detailed but work be very well worth reading.

bye for now x

Thank you Tessar. I've had my firs share of this crap at work and your post has made me think more positively about myself.

[Tessar]

Thank you Tessar. I've had my firs share of this crap at work and your post has made me think more positively about myself.

i'm really pleased about that russ and thank you. it doesn't feel at all pleasant when it is going on. I really don't like bullies, to be honest I detest them. I am not the sort of person who dislikes much but bullies bring out the worst in people dont they?
It is so hard to stop them chipping away at you but you remember how much better than them you are.