Bad Day :-(

[Mell1988]

I was having a bad day on Sunday (when the board was down!) so I wrote this message and thought I'd post it anyway. Still feeling a bit down but I have my first appointment with a counsellor tomorrow (Thurs) so fingers crossed !

Hi,

Not having a good day today so thought I'd vent...:-)

Basically to cut a long story short I have been anxious again - my son has been showing the symptoms that I was worried about before again and I guess I've just had a relapse and all the old thoughts have been coming back.

Bit of background - I have had anxiety about my son's health in the past related to a serious illness which he was tested for (negative) but the thoughts are re-occurring.

The trouble is my son's symptoms aren't unusual (cough, sniffles etc.) particularly for him as he has allergies anyway - but they are also similar to symptoms of the disease I'm worried about. So the problem is there will always be that "link" and while that is there I can't get my awful anxieties out of my head - even though I should be trying to reassure myself by saying "He was tested and it was negative" and "He also doesn't have some other symptoms for this disease" but for some reason I don't seem able to do that.

I feel very confused today but hope it will just be a bad day - I don't even know what to do for the best. Depending on what frame of mind I'm in depends on what I Feel like doing. When I think it is my problem and my son is fine, I feel more positive as I can think about the things I can do to help myself (this board, counselling etc.) but then all of a sudden without warning I switch to the frame of mind that I'm fine but my son is ill and that my anxieties are justified - and then I go into panic mode.

My son has been to the doctor several times in the past for reassurance when I've felt like this, and it's always helped but I guess like I said earlier when I feel that there's the slightest chance my son could have this illness then the fears/anxieties will never go away completely. Thoughts like "the test was wrong" and "why is he showing similar symptoms if he hasn't got it" keep springing to mind, even though realistically just because symptoms are similar doesn't mean that it's the same as having the illness.

Anyway, rambled enough. My husband has took our son out so I've occupied myself by mowing the lawn and tidying the house a bit - then thought I'd come on here rather than do what I would have usually done in the past (search Internet for my son's symptoms knowing fine well what information I'd find). I'm also having a nice cup of tea and a big bowl of treacle pudding and custard. :-)

Needless to say I'm not eating well so I'm sure that's not helping either.

Ho hum...

[sarah]

Hiya Mel

Sorry you had a bad weekend. The forum was down and I needed it too. I needed a pep talk before starting a new job on monday. Never mind, no ones fault.

How are you feeling now? Any better?

try not to feel so bad about you feelings. I suffered from bad and disturbing thoughts and its taken me ages to be able to dismiss them as 'just thoughts'. I hope your councellor will be able to help you. It really does help to talk about things sometimes.

take care
love Sarah
xx

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

[Mell1988]

Hi Sarah,

Thanks for your reply - hope your new job went well.

I am still feeling quite down, just feels like history is repeating itself and I can't get the thoughts out of my head that 2 years on from the original test for this illness that it's still an issue (or at least an issue to me).

Part of me accepts that it's my problem but the other part thinks that there must be something to it if it's still an issue to me after all this time.

But I know that I have to get my anxieties and feelings into order then if I still feel that there's a problem I can take it up with the doctors knowing that I'm at least being more rational.

I think alot of it is needing a distraction - if I didn't have time to think about it then hopefully it would be more in perspective, and I'm afraid I have been back on the Internet reading into things again which is probably the reason why the anxiety has returned again. I am so disappointed in myself as I told myself to stop doing things like that as they don't help - yet for some reason I still seem to do it.

I work full-time but we're going through a bit of a change period at the moment so things will be busy soon but they have been quiet of late which also hasn't helped (again no distraction and the Internet at my disposal!).

I just hope the counsellor can help - but I worry that I'm expecting miracles. I hope this doesn't come out wrong but I'm sure the way I feel at the moment is actually worse than how I would feel if my son did actually have this illness (because at least then I know what I'm dealing with and how to handle it etc.) - at the moment I just feel alone in that I'm the only one with this worry and everyone else seems perfectly happy, and then I Feel guilty cos it's almost like I'm wishing this on him (which I'm obviously not doing because it would break my heart).

Ohhh, this probably hasn't made any sense but thanks for listening!!!

xx