News feels like it has kickstarted my bad thoughts

[hallam11]

Hello,

I have had intrusive thoughts for about 9 years now. Started very suddenly when I was going through a very stressful time and I have had a few "breakdowns" if you like where it has affected me in a very bad way for a few months where I can barely function right. My main thought is that of hurting children. They are in my opinion the WORST intrusive thoughts to have. They make me feel physically sick, I could literally cry buckets because the stress, anxiety and absolute hatred of myself is maximum. Anyway these past few years I have been relatively ok, I've had a few bad thoughts but I've dealt with them knowing that's not how Ii actually feel. I know deep down I really don't want to hurt anyone because I really hate to hurt anyone but when I am in the middle of it my logic goes out the window!

Anyhow with this new "story" in the papers today regarding sexual abuse has really hit me hard. The anxiety just started rising within me. I cannot afford a relapse now, I've been ok for so long that I cannot go through the mill again.

Just wanted to share x

[Bonnibelle]

I feel for you. I've had thoughts of harming my children and it's terrifying.

You should take comfort in the fact you don't want your thoughts, that means you're ok and you don't like the thoughts, that proves it's all anxiety and OCD.

Have you tried the the CBT4 Panic course or reading books on this subject?

[hallam11]

I think it is undoubtedly the worst thing to have! Scares me to death! Most of the time I know how I feel and then other times I cant pinpoint a single feeling!
no i haven't tried that....what is it exactly??

[Bonnibelle]

If you google CBT 4 panic course of search on here. It's highly recommended and the book on obsessional thoughts is so helpful and reassuring.

The Imp of the Mind is another good read.

[Scared_11]

Hello,

I remember you from the last time I was posting on this forum. And here i am again too.

No words of reassurance because u know how it goes but just to tell u that u are certainly not along in terms of anxiety coming back with all the scary thoughts.

[hallam11]

Thanks for both replies. I will certainly check out the Cbt4, if it helps that's great!

hi scared11 again. Its awful when it hits you again isn't it. To be honest I think for me it was the shock of the news article and I wasn't prepared. I hope it doesn't all come back because that would be horrible,doing better today anyway. I hope you are feeling better today - but your right reassurance doesn't do us any favours because we still don't believe it!

[princesspanic]

To start with just want to say thankyou for replying on my own thread. Like I always say it really helps to know I'm not alone... I'm so sorry you are having a bad time. I also went through a phase of the abuse kind of ocd and any kind of news stories always set me off. When I'm in a better mood I seem to be able to label the thoughts for what they are but when I'm going through a bad patch, it hits hard and I can't help but try to reason with my thoughts. It helps when you are in this kind of phase to really practice your cbt methods or simply just not analysing anything which could lead you into breakdown mode as what happens to me. Take care and keep strong, if you were a bad person you would not feel any emotion to these articles xx