Am I Avoiding...?

[phil6]

I am at present not on any meds and doing the best I can trying to accept the way I am at the moment. Good days and bad days. Usually bad early mornings, waking very early and struggling with my thoughts in the dark.
There is definitely two modes of thinking in me. When I am feeling OK with no anxious symptoms, I can't relate at all to the worries I struggle with when I feel anxious.
I worked all my life and have had to face a lot of my fears and insecurities throughout a long career (over 40 years). I feared public speaking, travelling and staying away from home for periods, a little social anxiety, etc etc. I avoided very little and often soldiered through and found some relief when I got through situations. But it always felt that someone else was in control of my life... Not me.
Now I am retired.
I don't have to do any of these things any more unless I choose to. What a relief! Yet I still worry about them. Should I be able to do things like those mentioned even if it is extremely unlikely I will ever have to.
When I wake with anxiety, I think about doing these things and if I try to reassure myself that I no longer have to, but I t feels like avoidance when I think this way.
Because I don't actually have these stresses now, my mind seems to be continuously looking for something to stress over. I seem to be worrying all the time about situations that don't exist anymore.
Am I cheating if I tell myself I can forget about all the stuff I used to have to do?
Am I avoiding if I say no to taking on new responsibilities now and stick to a quiter life. I am confused.
Also, when trying to accept when feeling anxious.... Thoughts as well as feelings, I sometimes start to feel OK. Then for some reason I feel that I have not dealt properly with the anxiety.... Sort of not resolved the anxiety, and so start looking for it so I can accept it properly.. Do you know what I mean.

This anxiety is all about faulty thinking, and this is the part that I need to get straight in my head. I know all this probably sound stupid. Why worry about things that don't exist any more. I think I need some reassuring thoughts to hang on to when i get a bad day.... Most days at the moment!
Phil

[Rennie1989]

It could be that now you're retired you have more time to think. You should find a hobby or maybe do some volunteering to keep your mind busy. You want to enjoy your time, not fill out with worry :-)

[Tanner40]

Phil, I've often thought that I am so used to operating understress and deadlines, that I often manufacture stress when there isn't any. Im not sure that there is a correct or incorrect manner of dealing with the resolution of anxiety. It sounds like getting a hobby or doing some volunteer work might be a god answer. It's difficult having job duties that are demanding and then, poof, they're gone. Too much time to think.

[phil6]

Agreed,
I do have hobbies, and i have approached a volunteer service and will be doing something a couple of mornings a week.
I am overthinking aren't i.

[tamo]

Phil , Im 57 working in security and off for 12 days holiday , i,m into day 5 and yesterday i asked my wife " what would i do every day if i was retired " my point is us men folk seem to think something is wrong when were not working , we do think too much . Yesterday we went to one of our favourite spiritual places ( Carfin Grotto in Scotland ) and I saw a few older guys wondering around and this got me thinking about what they do every day , what would I do etc . My wifes answer was , " just enjoy the day and forget tomorrow " and of course this got me thinking ............

have you researched Mindfulness practices . I was prescribed a 9 week course on the NHS but didn't go due to work shifts but it seems a great concept and I want to try and get into it .

Take care

[pas74]

Phil, I can really identify with your post in particular where you say your life seems to be controlled by someone else. I'm 55 and feel as if I've muddled through life just doing things I was expected to do not necessarily what I wanted to do.

I think we are conditioned to be continually marching on looking for new responsibilities.

Accept a quiet life as your right.

Best wishes, Trish

[phil6]

Thanks for your comments.
I agree our work habit is difficult to break. I enjoyed my first 18 months of retirement. It did seem like a holiday. Then my anxiety returned and I find that the free time is a problem with too much thinking time. However I think I am making this a problem. I like to fish I have some other hobbies and I am quite happy to read and fill my time with swimming and exercise. So I think retirement and free time shouldn't be a problem.
I have read about mindfulness and completely agree, but mindfulness is much easier to do when you are feeling well
I think I need to clear my mind and remember that all I need to do is carry on and accept the feelings and not fight them. The hard part for me is dealing with the thoughts. I need to keep in mind that these thoughts are not reality, including the fears about too much time in retirement.
Agitation is part of anxiety, and it is very difficult to stay calm and distract yourself when there is no job any more. It's a new situation for me and I must give myself time to get used to it.
Good luck to you all.
Phil

[tamo]

You know what you want Phil , most of what you say I identify with .
As an outsider reading your last post It looks to me as if your thinking about your thinking and I identify with that too .
The symptoms section covers this type of thinking over on the left .
Its very tricky to switch off these patterns but i feel your on the right road .

Did you ever research Charles lindens work ( the linden method ) , i have a copy i can email you .

Good luck

[Leem]

Hi everyone, working from home a lot, on my own for 5 days pretty much is one of the reasons I struggle with anxiety I think. Obviously it is always not as straight forward as that but being on my lonesome for large swathes of time doesn't help me I don't think. I used to work in a 'regular job' and hardly ever worried about the things I do now.

Routine is important I think. Perhaps put together a schedule of 'things to do' on a day. I find that useful. Mix it up with volunteering, washing up (meh!), bit of this and that. Keeps me busy. I rarely just sit and do work now, I throw in playing a computer game. Just to liven things up so I dont get to comfortable and start drifting.

I actually do meditation and mindfulness which has helped me dramatically. Its not a quick fix though, taken me a long long time to get good at it and start to see some improvements. But anything that is scientifically proven to help is good by me! All the best.