Is this just anxiety?

[Rosie82]

Does anyone have trouble believing what they are being told in response to a worry? I can't be reassured, ever, yet all I do is seek it! Is this a symptom of anxiety, or something more?

I also seem to have a huge sense of responsibility for my family's happiness, and even when people say I am not responsible I still feel I am. I fear my anxiety is ruining my husband and children's lives, (20 year old and 17 year old) I feel I am avoiding them as much as possible, possibly because the 17 year old's behaviour is causing my anxiety. But my constant inability to be reassured is now getting to my husband.

I feel my relationship with 17 year old has broken down, I am too anxious to converse with him or even look at him because all I see are bad things, it is easier to avoid him. I seem to find the ages around 17 very difficult to cope with as a parent, and even though my eldest has matured into a lovely person I can't convince myself that the 17 year old will ever become a lovely person.

I feel it would be best if I left the family home, best for me and them. But my husband has begged me not to go, he says he couldn't cope. I feel lost and alone, which is so stupid as I have a network of lovely friends and an understanding husband who loves me. But that's how I feel.

I just don't know what to do for the best.

[HoneyLove]

Hi Rosie, reassurance seeking is very typical behaviour for people who suffer with anxiety. But often they just don't believe it and look for it more and more.

Before you consider leaving your family home you should think about getting some help with the anixety - have you considered CBT or counselling to help you deal with these issues? Or have you talked to your GP about it?

[Rosie82]

Thank you for your reply HoneyLove. I have spoken to my GP and i have beta blockers. I am reluctant to try antidepressants after previous bad experience. I am having counselling and i am about to start CBT this coming week. I don't think i can leave the family home as i have no where to go. I am in a high state of anxiety at the moment. I have hardly slept last night and feel so alone. I hate weekends. I do not have feelings of self harm, i am just desperately anxious and in despair, i don't feel this will ever end. I could cry and cry now but my husband is asleep next to me and I feel he is fed up with my negativey. I am scared about everything involving my family. I am 'imagining' so many awful senarios and believing them to be true. I just don't know how to get better. Any words of hope or support gratefully received. Thank you for reading.

[Volvoman50]

The beta blockers and CBT will help give yourself time and compassion. I too have wild negative thoughts these are just an off shoot of anxiety not the real you. I do believe it is important to have the love and support of your family to get through it ask for something to help you sleep for awhile things always look better when you have had some rest.

[Rosie82]

Thank you Volvoman50. The constant negative thoughts are draining aren't they. My 'rational brain' knows I will get over this bout of anxiety, I always do, but it seems my 'emotional brain' is in control at the moment. I did get a better nights sleep last night so felt slightly more positive today. Feel a bit panicky at the moment, think I'm tired and the son who is the focus of my anxiety is out at moment and I'm conjuring up all sorts of negative thoughts about what he could be up to. By the way, everyone who knows my son (friends and family that is) says he is just a normal teenager, and lovely as well. Why can't I believe them.....I feel sad and ashamed that I can think so badly of him, what bad choices he has made are really not a hanging offence, just I suppose, not perfect and I guess that's the problem I cannot cope with not perfect. Luckily my husband has a really good relationship with him which is a comfort to me. I hope the CBT will help.

[Tanner40]

Constantly seeking reassurance is a classic sign of HA and anxiety in general. It is very normal that the more we seek out reassurance, the less that we come to believe it or to actually be reassured.

I had to come to a place of acceptance. Accepting that my irrational thoughts were just that, irrational.. Accepting that all of my symptoms were merely anxiety. Accepting the fact that those symptoms could not hurt me. Accepting the fact that no amount of reassurance would reassure me. Accepting the fact that I am in control and that my thinking patterns are the cause of the anxiety that I despise.

Do I do this perfectly? No way! The more I attempt to accept it, the easier that I find it to work. I cant look at my situation in a black or white light. I have to begin to see the world in shades of gray. Just because I am anxious or nauseous or my hand is shaking, it's not the end of the world.

I have to accept, trust and believe. I have to recognize that not every day will be wonderful. We can get there if we just keep accepting and working at this.