Intrusive thoughts...

[thathorridgirl]

I get thoughts i dont wanna think about all the time... its like im one person and my mind is another? i think one thing and my mind thinks like the opposite..? Like i talking/joking around with my friend on the phone how i wanted him to come see me but he would have to walk and it would take awhile and it was night time so i was saying like no you could get kidnapped or die (like get shot or something and die? and now that i just thought of the getting shot thing my mind just said "i want him to get shot" but i dont want him to get shot and im crying... Like why? Why does this have to happen to me?) and now after i said that he could die it wont get out of my head i dont want him to die but my mind is like i want him to die or i want him dead and it makes me feel so horrible cause thats not how i feel at all i dont want him to die but my mind is saying i do and its making me cry right now and just why is it happening? how can i make it stop..
I feel like such a horrible person right now cause my mind is saying stuff i dont mean... im 17 and female btw..

[NorthernGeek]

I've suffered from intrusive negative thoughts for as long as I can remember & I'm over three times older than you!

The bad thoughts generally try to ambush me when I am feeling down & it often feels like the bullies I endured for many years as a child took up residence in my head when I became an adult.

Once a particular thought gets into your head, it can be hard to dislodge & I often liken them to when you hear some particularly awful 'Lift Music' & then can't get the tune of your head either. Allowing bad thoughts to bounce around inside your head just makes them stronger, so in my experience the best way to handle them is to just distract your mind with something else.

To use your example, if you know your friend is coming round, distract yourself by making preparations for when he arrives. Having Music or the TV on in the background helps for me too.

I have my worst attacks late at night & consequently suffer quite badly from insomnia. I often just leave the TV news channel on at low volume all night as that is usually distracting enough to allow me to eventually fall asleep.

No matter how disturbing they are when you have them, negative thoughts don't represent what you really want, they are just your worst fears running out of control.