My friend has been diagnosed with anxiety

[elica35]

Hello, forum.
One of my closest friends has recently been diagnosed with anxiety. Since then, s/he has had almost two months off school, and has gradually started to shut everyone out. S/he has deleted their Facebook, doesn't reply to Skype calls, or other messages. The last time we saw them was a week or two after Halloween. I've tried to make plans with them since, but it's very difficult.
Me and another of their friends went to go visit them just now, and after knocking on their door and standing in the cold for a while, someone shut the curtains. We went home.
Me and my friend really miss them, and we don't know what to do. I'm doing my best to understand that they might not want to see anyone, but I don't want to just forget about them, and we're worried.

[NE21 worrier]

Hi,

Thanks for posting and I'm glad to hear you sticking by your friend. Just from a personal perspective, I've got a great group of close friends who have helped me through some tough times. Nevertheless, I also know the feeling which your current friend has in wanting just to shut everyone out.

I must admit that I never quite got in the situation of not answering the door but there have been plenty of unanswered calls and texts in my time. I'm afraid that, as brilliantly convenient as they are, they are also very easy to ignore...

Less easy to ignore is a letter or a card, signed personally, maybe expressing what s/he means to you and that you don't want to lose their friendship but you are worried for them. The further advantage of this is that your friend does not even need to see you post it if s/he does not want to talk there and then.

But it would at least ensure you (and the others) keep your side of the deal and s/he would know how you definitely feel. Hope the situation resolves itself and good on you for not turning away from a person in need :)

Peter

Edit: I know that sounds right old-fashioned! But I am just 30 and still love getting cards/letters, something more tangible and less easy to ignore than a text!

[Annie0904]

Elica, it is lovely that you want to be there for your friend and offer support. Peter has given a really good reply here and I agree that a nice card or letter would be something that might be helpful as it shows you care without them having to respond.

[elica35]

Thank you both for your responses, me and my friend are going to write a card for them.

I love getting letters too!

[HoneyLove]

You sound like a good friend Elica :)

The letter idea is a lovely one! I totally agree that it's a great thing to do, so go for it. It will show your friend that you care.

Is there a family member that you could get in touch with? To make sure that they are ok or see if there is anything you can do to help?

It might be a good idea to read up a little bit on anxiety to help you understand it a bit. The one time someone in my life actually read up on anxiety to understand it and know what I was going through was astounding to me. No one had ever done that, or if they had they hadn't talked to me about it. It was such a great thing to see that someone cared enough to learn more about what was really going on for me, it made me cry. I think it will mean a lot to your friend if you do something similar.

[Yossino]

Absolutely what honey said about taking the time to learn about anxiety. Even if you don't experience it, it is great to show that you know about it.

[elica35]

Thank you all for your replies. I have been doing some research, and I'll try to let them know that.
Both me and my other friend have been in touch with their mother, who thanked us for our concern etc. and said they'd contact us and explain all that's been going on 'when they got better', which feels like quite an empty statement, as (this might come across as quite a blunt opinion, apologies if it does - this is just what I think after doing some research) I don't think anxiety is like a cold; it doesn't just go away, but there are obviously ups and downs. So I don't know when I'll hear from them.

[Rennie1989]

It's an absolute breath of fresh air reading this. I've suffered serious relapses in the past and none of my friends have noticed. I love reading stories when friends truly care.

You've done more than enough, in my eyes. You've gone over, you've wrote to them, you've spoke to their mother. Your friend cannot doubt your loyalty to them and how much you care, so please never feel like you have not done enough. Let the mother do what she can for now, maybe call her back in a week or two for an idea on progress.

[NE21 worrier]

Thanks for the update, and your continued considerate approach to your friend is an absolute credit to you.

Give it a bit of time and it should get better.
Peter x

[elica35]

Thank you both so much for the responses, they make me feel a lot better and I'm just going to hope everything will take a positive turn as soon as it can.

[Annie0904]

Your friend is very lucky to have such a kind considerate friend as you. x