Catherine84
01-12-13, 11:30
My sensorimotor OCD around my breathing is now unbearable. I really think ending my life would be preferable to this. I can't let my breathing just run away with itself and be automatic like every one else's. It doesn't matter how much people tell me that I will not die from it, I just can't bear not being in control of something so vital to our survival. When I called a paramedic a couple of months ago, they told me they were taking me to A&E as my breathing was shallow (even though my oxygen saturation was normal). I have been paranoid about this ever since. I have lost interest in everything and can barely get myself washed and dressed. I tried to eat a banana this morning and threw it back up. I woke up in utter terror and started screaming uncontrollably. I dread facing every minute of every day.
I just can't function like this. Work are expecting me to travel to London to see a psychologist next week, but I have no idea how I will manage, even with someone. Nothing helps any more. I am fed up with being fobbed off with medication that just makes me more anxious (with the last lot, I was kicking and screaming on the floor in panic). Anything that does help (e.g. Diazepam) I am not allowed to take long term because it's 'addictive'. I even damaged my liver with excess alcohol two months ago, because I had got so desperate. When you can't face every minute of every day any more, it seemed like the only solution. I just don't want to live like this any longer. I am losing my sane mind.
I would really, really like to hear if anyone has been where I have and come out the other side. I am worried I am going to end up back in hospital (which I have a phobia of) or worse yet, sectioned. My father even threatened to call the police if I kicked and screamed on the floor again.
I just can't function like this. Work are expecting me to travel to London to see a psychologist next week, but I have no idea how I will manage, even with someone. Nothing helps any more. I am fed up with being fobbed off with medication that just makes me more anxious (with the last lot, I was kicking and screaming on the floor in panic). Anything that does help (e.g. Diazepam) I am not allowed to take long term because it's 'addictive'. I even damaged my liver with excess alcohol two months ago, because I had got so desperate. When you can't face every minute of every day any more, it seemed like the only solution. I just don't want to live like this any longer. I am losing my sane mind.
I would really, really like to hear if anyone has been where I have and come out the other side. I am worried I am going to end up back in hospital (which I have a phobia of) or worse yet, sectioned. My father even threatened to call the police if I kicked and screamed on the floor again.