Anxiety over friends

[a2d1234]

Hi,

One of my good friends suffers from depression and anxiety, and has been getting a little worse lately. She has told me before that she thinks about commiting suicide. A few other of my friends have confessed to being really depressed and stressed.. I now find myself constantly worrying about all the people in my life. I feel uncomfortable leaving my sister home alone because I think she might take her own life. Its the same for any other member of my family. If my friends tell me that they've been feeling really down, i get really concerned that they're at risk. I stress about this all the time because these are people that i really care about and would be devastated to lose. I don't know how to convince myself that just because they're feeling down doesn't mean they would go as far as commiting suicide or harming themselves in any way.

[inCOGnito]

1. It's not your responsibility. You can't take all the slack for how your friends are and their futures. It's an impossible task, so let yourself relax a bit. Whatever happens won't
be your fault. Sometimes it's hard to let go because we have this underlying belief that if we don't worry it means we're a bad person, or that if we stop worrying then something bad might happen because we've let our guard down. just do what ever practical things you can within your means, that's all you can do.

2. In suicide prevention it's best to do the following;

a. come right out and ask "are you feeling suicidal? Have you thought about killing yourself?" Don't sugar coat it or skirt around it. Be direct.

b. If they say 'yes' then ask them if they have made any plans to do it. (ie set a date, stored up pills, etc)

c. don't jump in and say "woah, wait...you have everything to live for!!" or "Don't be silly" or any of the other crap that people tend to say. Be honest with them. Speak to them, about what it is that they are unhappy about. Just explore. It's not important that you give them all the cheesy excuses to live, people see through that crap. It's about unearthing what the problems are. You'll find that most people haven't talked about it. It's all inside festering away. Just talking about it will help a little.

d. come up with an arrangement. i.e. They don't do anything for now except make arrangements to see you more, to see a therapist, to see the GP, etc. Whatever may help.

[Rennie1989]

As inCOGnito says, their lives are not your responsibility. It's amazing to hear that somebody will care for their friends but please don't overwhelm yourself with their problems. It will only make your own anxiety worse.

If you believe that somebody is at risk of harming themselves then either ring a mental health charity for advice (not sure what ones exist in the US) or ring for an ambulance, especially if they're seriously considering taking their own life. It's down to them to get the help they desperately need.

Lastly, if somebody is feeling down then please don't assume the worst. People who commit suicide go through a very long period of major depression (often) whilst dealing with problems that they feel impossible to escape from, like debt, divorce etc. Having a down day does not mean they will become suicidal. Let them know that you are there to talk to if they need it, but don't assume the worst.