swallowing phobia ruining my life

[trilly85]

I'm really struggling at the moment and I was hoping anyone else who has suffered with this can offer advice around what has helped or them recovering to give me some hope. Everything I read people say they have had this for years and I haven't seen any where people recovered which is really scary.

For as long as I can remember I've been cautious of swallowing food and over chewed it. I've had periods where its been very difficult to swallow but have been able to force it. It's especially difficult eating in public because I become so much more conscious about it as I worry about gagging and embarrassing myself (this has happened so many times!)

For the past few months its felt like it was getting more and more difficult for me to eat but I was always able to eat on my own at home. 3 weeks ago I gagged on some food and had a panic attack and I've been unable to swallow any food since. It got so bad I was getting down 1 complan a day and a little bit of water, I was really dehydrated and ended up in a&e. It was so difficult to swallow my own saliva it got so thick.

I went to the doctors who had no sympathy or advice and treated me like I was stupid so had to keep going back and seeing different ones. First they gave me diazapam which did nothing. Then beta blockers which have helped to calm me down and I don't feel so hysterical about it anymore. I've been to 2 hypnotherapy sessions which again relax me more but despite all of this I still can't eat food. I've been referred for CBT now which I start next week but I don't see how it will help me. I'm paying to have a swallow test privately because I'm worried there may be something wrong with my throat but if there was then surely i wouldnt be able to swallow liquids? I've asked the doctor to prescribe me fortisip or ensure type drinks because I'm worried I'm going to get ill if I only drink complan with nothing else going in but they won't so I've lost quite a lot of weight in a short space of time.

It doesn't make sense that I can drink complan shakes yet as soon as I try any food my throat ceases up and I cant make my mouth swallow. The more I think about it the worse it gets. I can't even sip pureed soup. I've had to take time of work because I was so weak which has made it worse because swallowing is now all I think about. I try to wake up each day thinking today will be different and I will eat but I try and I can't. I've got to the point now I feel so low and I can't imagine being able to get something down. I just keep having visions of it blocking my throat which terrifies me. The texture of food feels so unnatural in my mouth.

I think my family think I am anorexic which makes things 10 times harder because I am so hungry and am desperate to eat, despite my weirdness with it I actually love food. They can't understand that my mouth just wont do what I want it to and that I don't understand it myself, I'm not doing it on purpose. I'm not sure whether this comes down to anxiety or if its a type of eating disorder? I don't know if you can have an eating disorder if you want to eat and gain weight?

I would be really grateful for any positive stories or advice people can share :)

[Greyx]

I'm not sure if its the same thing but I had something similar a few years ago and it has got better for me, it comes back now and then but only if I'm thinking about it. I would take 5 minutes to chew one mouthful of food and I was scared that every time I would swallow I'd choke on it and then I'd get paranoid of people thinking I was going too slow and then that made it worse. But it has gone for me mostly, it comes back sometimes if I'm eating in public or I remember about it while I'm eating. CBT could help a lot because your probably making it worse by thinking about it all the time. Hope I helped :)

[Lin71]

Hi Trilly

I promise you this can and will get better.

I posted a similar thread on the Swallowing section of the boards way back in 2010. I'd had a similar experience, had choked on some food and had a panic, then was suddenly unable to swallow, like my body had forgotten how to. Went rushing to the Dr who just gave me a leaflet on Anxiety :unsure:

I know only too well that feeling of chewing your food and not daring to swallow it, and like you I would keep thinking that I would wake up one day and it would all be back to normal. I love my food too so found it all very frustrating.

Mine took a while but gradually things got much better. Even now I still struggle a bit with eating in front of strangers or somewhere I'm not comfortable and I still avoid hard to swallow food like steak or thick bread. Try softer food to start with, I found bananas quite good, and gradually get used to feeling food in your mouth again. Also keep in mind that while you are eating carefully you are very unlikely to choke. A small chewed up mouthful is not going to choke you, even if it went down the wrong way you would just cough it back up.
I know it's difficult but try to relax, don't put yourself under any pressure by trying to eat huge meals or dry foods that you find difficult, and eat alone if you find that's easier. I sometimes used to find that reading or watching tv while eating would take my mind off the food and allow the swallowing reflex to become more natural again.

Also check out the Swallowing/Globus forum for similar threads you might find some tips there.
You're not alone with this and it WILL get better.

Lin xx

[Dissolved girl]

Hi there

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I really feel for you and believe you can get better.

I have a similar 'phobia' although i don't like to call it a phobia because i don't want to become terrified of something which is natural!

I have issues with my mouth when it comes to anxiety because one of my worst ever anxiety attacks (not the first but the worst) was 'caused' by going to the toothache/dentist.

Anyway, the pain from the toothache caused panic which lasted for over a week. It felt like one long panic attack. Because i was panicking i felt sick and didn't want to eat in case it caused more toothache. It was a vicious circle. I lost a stone and a half in weight because i was too scared to eat in fear of of hurting my tooth and causing more pain/panic. I ended up eating yogurts, grapes, smaller foods and drinking yakult. Eventually bit by bit i managed to start building up what i was eating again.

I am going through a similar issue at the moment because i keep thinking i have a 'bad taste' in my mouth. In reality i think everyone has these now and again and even so i have lived with it fine before.
I had a panic attack over this 'taste' which has sparked off anxiety every time i think it's there. Again this is making it difficult to eat because the panic is making me nauseous. I guess i must link panic to eating in some way.

Anyway. I know you will get better. It makes me sick that the doctors do not take you seriously half the time. Some of mine have been the same.

Try to remember that eating is helping your body. It's not hurting you. Swallowing food is a natural process. It is unlikely you will choke again. Write these things down and carry them with you.
Remember you could eat before fine. It is just a one off, bad experience which has triggered this anxiety.

Chew up your food as much as possible and eat small bits at a time. As said above - put food in your mouth and try to get used to the textures again. Start off eating thinner soups and gradually work your way up. Maybe eat beans or cereal or smaller items bits at a time and try to get used to it. Again it is unlikely that you will choke again especially with how careful you are being :)
I think you could probably do with some therapy to break out of this cycle of negative thinking. The fact that you have been in a&e should make someone take this seriously!

I totally understand why you feel like this though. The brain is a pain in the backside at times with it's irrational thinking.

I am also struggling at the moment at times but i am trying to remain positive. Believe me i know this is difficult. I had a panic attack a few hours a go and cried my eyes out and probably will not eat much tonight but at least the anxiety is not here for the moment.

Good luck. I hope i have been of some use and remember your not alone with this Xx

[Garysmiling]

It is beatable (I'm replying to the first post and will do so more in depth in next couple of days where I will explain how I did it) I sympathize - Alot. I lived on ensure plus vitamin drinks and tomato soup for four years. Doc offered me anti depressents I refused. It's now 7 years after my last panic attack over choking concerns and I eat 3 meals a day. It's two am so I'll reply more later. You're not alone. It won't be easy but it is possible.

[Garysmiling]

Book research.
My fourth book a self help book for anxiety. I have over two hundred responses. I'd like more! If you are happy to contribute please message me directly.
part one. In your own words please describe how your anxiety effects you physically and a little history of it. As much or as little as you'd like there's no wrong answers.
Also any methods you have found to alleviate it, control it or live with it.
This is part two. You may message me for a copy or cut and paste it directly from here.
Again Thanks to all who have participated you're amazing and your information will not be shared.
1. Are you a smoker? If so how many a day?
2. If you drink what would you say your alcohol consumption a week is?
3. Do you suffer with any of the following (a yes or no is fine).
paranoia
schizophrenia
obsessive compulsive disorder
psychosis
split personality or multiple personality disorder.
4. What would you say your caffeine intake per day is? Coffee's. Tea's. Energy drinks. Pop. Chocolate. Etc.
5. At what age did you have your first anxiety attack?
6.Do you consider yourself to have had major trauma's physically? (accidents)
Or bereavements which could have effected how you feel long term?
7. Have you used Hypnosis, CBT, St John's wart, Acupuncture or other treatment to good effect for your anxiety?
8.Do you (Or have you) taken any non prescription drugs? Before your anxiety began?
Finally please include any methods you have found to beat, resolve or live with your anxiety.
Thanks! The response has been great and I look forwards to hearing your stories. I'm on WordPress G.P Williamson and Facebook GPW Poetry.

[Alanamcverry]

I'm working on a not-for broadcast taster tape for a major channel to get a series commissioned that is a warm, observational and sensitive look at phobias around eating and vomiting. Last year a new diagnostic definition came in and treatments are growing as departments start to specialise.

I'm looking to speak to people for research and to interview for our non-broadcast tape and help get this series commissioned and spread understanding and awareness around these issues that most people don't know about.

I know when I was a teenager I had a severe choking phobia that totally took over my life and no-one really understood.

It would be great to tell you a bit more about the project if you can make the time.

Please email send me your email addresses if you'd like to find out more.

Thank you for your time

Alana

---------- Post added at 10:48 ---------- Previous post was at 10:44 ----------

I'm working on a not-for broadcast taster tape for a major channel to get a series commissioned that is a warm, observational and sensitive look at phobias around eating and vomiting. Last year a new diagnostic definition came in and treatments are growing as departments start to specialise.

I'm looking to speak to people for research and to interview for our non-broadcast tape and help get this series commissioned and spread understanding and awareness around these issues that most people don't know about.

I know when I was a teenager I had a severe choking phobia that totally took over my life and no-one really understood.

It would be great to tell you a bit more about the project if you can make the time.

Please email send me your email addresses if you'd like to find out more.

Thank you for your time

Alana