worried 101
03-12-13, 19:20
Hey guys.
Having a really bad patch atm with rocd depression and anxiety. Unfortunately it has coincided with my partner proposing to me, which is bloody wonderful timing.
I had been going downhill for a while the week before, so much so that i went to the docs to have my meds upped as had started to notice my mood subsiding.
The weekend of my partner proposing I had been suffereing from rocd and was feeling quite anxious about the weekend but was trying to ignore it as best I could. Then my lovely man took me to the beach we had our first date, wrote in the sand marry me and produced a beuatiful ring.I immediatly said yes, but even as the words came out of my mouth, a big ball of anxiety burst through me, like I had been holding it back all week and i suddenly just feel apart.
I have to say I love my man alot, just the week before all this I was telling him I loved him and I was happy. A few months ago I thought he was going to propose and was so excited at the thought even though he didnt!
I have had to start seeing the home treatment team again as I was getting so bad (in the past I have self harmed) as I linked the anxiety to the proposal though they say the fact that it was brewing before this just means if it hadnt been this then it would have been something else that I would have fixated it all on.
I feel like utter s**t right now. Even though somewhere deep down I know I love my man and I have always wanted to be engaged, but my mind is creating all these terrible thought that i cant get rid off, these little voices saying, you dont love him, you dont want to be engaged, this isnt right for you....etc and they are literally tearing me apart as I cant bear thinking of these horrible intrusive thoughts.
I wake up every morning atm and have juge panic attacks and feel more scared than I ever have done in my life.
I dont want to throw away my relationship in anyway at all and want to fight these fears and cant stand the idea of being without my man.
I'm obsessed with these intrusive thoughts, i wake up with them, research it on the computer, think about it all day and sleep thinkiing about it.
Its literally sending me insane.
Anyone who can possibly relate if you could please give me some advice I would be so grateful.
Having a really bad patch atm with rocd depression and anxiety. Unfortunately it has coincided with my partner proposing to me, which is bloody wonderful timing.
I had been going downhill for a while the week before, so much so that i went to the docs to have my meds upped as had started to notice my mood subsiding.
The weekend of my partner proposing I had been suffereing from rocd and was feeling quite anxious about the weekend but was trying to ignore it as best I could. Then my lovely man took me to the beach we had our first date, wrote in the sand marry me and produced a beuatiful ring.I immediatly said yes, but even as the words came out of my mouth, a big ball of anxiety burst through me, like I had been holding it back all week and i suddenly just feel apart.
I have to say I love my man alot, just the week before all this I was telling him I loved him and I was happy. A few months ago I thought he was going to propose and was so excited at the thought even though he didnt!
I have had to start seeing the home treatment team again as I was getting so bad (in the past I have self harmed) as I linked the anxiety to the proposal though they say the fact that it was brewing before this just means if it hadnt been this then it would have been something else that I would have fixated it all on.
I feel like utter s**t right now. Even though somewhere deep down I know I love my man and I have always wanted to be engaged, but my mind is creating all these terrible thought that i cant get rid off, these little voices saying, you dont love him, you dont want to be engaged, this isnt right for you....etc and they are literally tearing me apart as I cant bear thinking of these horrible intrusive thoughts.
I wake up every morning atm and have juge panic attacks and feel more scared than I ever have done in my life.
I dont want to throw away my relationship in anyway at all and want to fight these fears and cant stand the idea of being without my man.
I'm obsessed with these intrusive thoughts, i wake up with them, research it on the computer, think about it all day and sleep thinkiing about it.
Its literally sending me insane.
Anyone who can possibly relate if you could please give me some advice I would be so grateful.