at the end of my tether.

[kirstenmonica]

Hi, so ive suffered with anxiety since i was 14 years old never neen able to stick with education or jobs because of it. Im now 23 and have been housebound for over a year. I live alone and have no friends and my family nip over once every fortnight if that ( tjey dont understand and havent got much time for my problems)
Anyway through the years ive tried many meds most recently been put on mirtazapine. Ive also tried ALOT of therapy. Ive had CBT around 4 different times, ive also done a computerised version with a therapist, ive had CAT therapy once too. Nothing has ever ever made me less anxious or worked in the slightest. Anyway like i said im 23 and i have literally no life and i never really have had one due to being anxious all the time unable to enjoy myself. So im really at the end of my tether now and literally cannot stand my 'life' . I am aware i need to expose myself to situations to make myself better but i cant im too scared. So does anybody have any suggestions at all to make me normal cos ive lost all hope now and sick to death of these 4 walls and my own company i just wanna be normal!! Also my panic attacks and anxious feelings are all to do with depersonalisation kinda feelings

[littlebutterflygb]

I spent best part of 3 years in my house (6 minths of that in my bedroom) before getting over the door frame. Before I got over the door frame, i stood at the open door. Even that was hard to start with. But I stuck it out and more than ANYTHING i did relaxation before I did it and after I did it. I found that sometimes being put in an unexpected situation (like someone coming to the door whilst I was standing there and keeping me longer than I planned) which would frighten the hell out of me, eventually helped it sink in that I wasnt going to die.

I remember describing it as feeling on the other side of a huge wall, and I couldnt even see the top. Then over time, I saw the top. I used to imagine that on a good day I'd be on a trampoline and I could see over the wall. Then for a LONG time I was sitting on the top, too scared to jump down. Some days I got down and quickly jumped back up!

What changed? I didnt use medication and havent as medication scares me even more. I let time pass. That's hard when every day feels crap. I did little things like organise drawers so Id get some sense of achieving something. I kept standing at the door. I took 3 steps out. Then more steps. I found that I over estimated wildly how 'far' things REALLY were. I once estimated that it was 500 steps to the end of my street - it was in fact 89.

One day, I forgot to 'remember' that I was agoraphobic. It was a lovely summer day and I thought how nice it would be to have a walk out and I just went out. Halfway down the street I remembered and felt scared! But that showed me that it was really my body playing tricks on me. Nasty tricks.

Ok, so Im not cured. But I can get around. I can get further than I ever dreamed I would when to leave my bedroom was my biggest fear.

I know you dont want to do the work because youre scared. Really scared. But staying in your home makes you scared too, only a bit less so. So your choice is shall I stay in being scared, or try standing at the door being scared? At least if you get scared standing at the door you'll get some fresh air. And the pay off is that the 4 walls dont seem as bad. Just do tiny, tiny things but do them EVERY day and if you can manage it a few times a day. And let time pass.

[kirstenmonica]

wow thanks for that! i spent a few months in my bedroom too, i make myself go for a drive once a week with my parents but on Saturday the last day i went i was petrified and too make things worse they left me in the car on my own whilst they went to the chippy so i dont think ill be doing that again but the standing at the door thing may help im just scared of the frustration i get when it all goes wrong , i hate that frustrated feeling i get when i cant do something. thank you again for your reply xxx

[flossie]

Have you heard of No Panic? http://www.nopanic.org.uk/aboutus.html
They can offer support and telephone recovery programmes either one to one or group. I think you might find the group programme helpful as you would be able to have contact with other people. At the end of the course you have the option of keeping in touch with the others and be able to offer supprt to them as well as receiving it yourself. They also have telephone coffee mornings and social evenings.
Think about giving it a try, you won't know if it will help unless you try it. And don't fall into the trap of thinking that because something didn't help before then it won't ever work for you. Sometimes it's just a matter of doing the work at a time when you are more receptive to it or talking to a person who makes a comment that really means a lot to you.

[kirstenmonica]

thanks flossie , and ill defo look into that site

[cheshirecatqee]

I have battled agoraphobia for about 10 years now. Sometimes I've been able go out and even worked for a while but had a thing about distance, just don't like being too far from home. After a major crash earlier this year which lead to me lying in bed day after day and if I did go out only with my bf, spent the time shaking, sweating and feeling sick finally had enough.

The only thing that has made a difference to my life is mindfulness as I was finally able to stop fighting or running away from the fear. I can't recommend it highly enough as for the first time in 10 years, I'm able not only to go out on my own but to feel relaxed and even if I do feel anxious mindfulness has given me the tools to cope better.

I'm even planning to go visit my aunt in Kent next year (I live in Edinburgh btw) which I haven't even thought about before.

[kirstenmonica]

wow thats a massive step well done. i think i did something like mindfulness with a therapist before im not sure really, what is it? do you know any good sites i can look on to find out? thank you for posting xx

[cheshirecatqee]

Mindfulness is a type of meditation where you focus on your breath and when thoughts or feelings arise you observe and sit with them and then let them go. This is great training for panic/anxiety as you learn not to be afraid.

The best way is to do a course as I tried tapes and books but only really made progress with a course. Luckily I found a free online course as I couldn't have gone to a course in person at the time. Here is the link - free mindfulness online course (https://sites.google.com/site/mindfulnessonlinecourse/Home)