Hate myself for this

[mel1972]

I am currently sat in a beautiful hotel in a beautiful city on holiday,
With my children and best friend,
Last night I had the worst anxiety attack I have had for a while.
I have had 2 hours sleep and have work up still not feeling right
Tummy feels gurgly and tense with diarrhoea and I still feel on edge and checking my pulse every 10 mins!
Now thinking of all the things I have with the symptoms.
We have 2 days left and I am just panicking that I want to get home today
I can't talk to my best friend as I have hid this HA from her.
I stress all the time about going away and being ill abroad and hoping I am just having a rubbish day!
Kids want a day in the sun and by the pool but now stressing about sunstroke.
I give up... Its madness that I can be fine for months and then one episode throws me right back in the thick of it!
Want to cry .. Had such a bad year and this was meant to be a treat for us all and I'm scared I'm going to ruin it for them and me!

[Pomchi]

Oh I can so sympathise with you, I must have at least one "bad spell" every time I go away on holiday.
I started to think it is because I am away from my doctors and because if I want immediate answers from her I can't get them! Maybe I should take my doctor on holiday with me!
I know it is SO hard but try to think about something (anything!) else, keep busy. Anxiety is always worse at night and you have got through last night and you are still here!
I always beat myself up when I get back home and realise that I have wasted however many days of a great holiday by living in my head too much.
Maybe it might be worth talking to your friend, she would probably understand and it can be so helpful to talk about it. She will probably pick up on the fact that you are "preoccupied" anyway, and wonder why.
It's keeping everything in our heads that makes the problem worse!
Go and enjoy your day :):) xx

[mel1972]

Thanks Pomchi...

It is soo frustrating it has come from nowhere,
Now have upset tummy and feel sick, and the same thought runs through your head! Is it the stress or am I ill.. The nights are the worse for and as I am still suffering makes me worry...
Tried to speak to my friend and to be honest she wasn't that understanding, all I got was it's all psychological and you have to fight it'
So not someone that has ever been in my position!

Well a day by the pool it is as that's what's
Kids want.. Hopefully it'll pass!

Thank you for your reply and trying to make me see sense!

[Pomchi]

You're welcome. Don't forget the tummy upsets and feeling sick are all just symptoms of anxiety (along with hundreds of other things that we always think are fatal)!
It's weird how I can try to reassure you but I will not reassure myself! Mad!
I'm sorry to hear your friend doesn't understand, it is hard for anyone who doesn't have HA to know what the hell we are talking about!
Have a good day bythe pool and think to yourself that is 1 day nearer to you going home.
At least your anxiety didn't start on day 1 of your holiday (that has happened to me and I have wanted to book a flight home immediately). Even knowing that you will be home soon should take away a little bit of the anxiety. x
:hugs:

[dally]

I have posted on NMP before about telling people about our anxious state.
I have had 39 years of 'secrecy' and then, by the advice of 'health orofessionals' revealing all, just to my nearest and dearest at first.
I had varying replies. Some did the 'pull yourself together' thing. Which is not. Helpful!!

Perhaps your friend is just assessing the situation and honestly knows your are not 'physically ill' and is trying to jolly you along into 'pulling your socks up'!!

If there was anything really physically wrong with you, you will always have access to medical help no matter where you are.

I totally understand the feeling you have of not wanting to 'ruin' the holiday for everyone else. So keep telling yourself. You HAVE had a good time for the first few days.
There IS nothing wrong with you. It is 'only' excess adrenaline which is making you have diahorroea .( have u got Imodium you can take or buy?). This will Quieten you tummy.

Force yourself to go to the beach.
Stay in the shade if possible and lather on the factor 50!!
Keep drinking LOADS of water.
That at least will put your mind at rest about sunstroke.
Take a book and force your self to read each word.

If possible use this time to do head to toe muscle relaxation.

The one thing that will Quieten panic is to try to control
Your breathing, so starting right away. Practice deep belly breathes
In for 4' out for 8. Relaxing your neck and shoulders

You have panicked before and been totally fine. You are OK right now and you will be again.


Lots of hugs

[Pomchi]

Hi Mel, just a quickie to see how you are now? Are you feeling better and did you have a nice day?:)