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Mell1988
14-07-04, 20:24
I've been a member for a little while now and thought I'd better introduce myself (I've been posting under General Anxiety so far).

I'm 32, married with one son who is 2. I have always been what I would describe as a worrier, a natural pessimist (my glass is always half empty) and I would always have this habit of playing scenarios through my head working out the worst outcome to ensure that I'm prepared. The sort of thing I mean is if I'd had an exam and it had gone worse than I expected, I would play through the scenario of what would I do, when would I do it etc.

I'm sure it's natural to be like this to a certain extent but I would go as far as talking about the outcome before it had even happened - ie. planning several moves ahead.

I had a stressful job a few years back which aggravated my anxiety but to be honest I never really considered it an illness at the time as I just blamed my job.

Since I changed jobs and had my son the anxiety returned with a vengeance, only now centered around serious health worries about my son. I can't get the thought out of my head that my son has a chronic illness - I discovered the illness by looking on the Internet for some symptoms my son had and it spiralled from there.

At the time I was quite rational so I went to my docs and discussed it and he didn't think it was a possibility that my son had this illness but agreed to send him for a test as it was obviously worrying me.

As you can imagine I had an awful time waiting for the test and did more searching on the internet (bad move) only to convince myself more and more that he definitely had it and prepared myself for the fact that my son was seriously ill.

He had the test (I was in such a state by that point that my poor husband had to take him for the test on his own) and it came back negative.

This reassured me for some time (with the help of anti-d's as well) but the thoughts have been recurring (I had a relapse last year and went back on the anti-d's) and again this year the same has happened.

I have fallen into the same pattern of going on the internet, still convinced my son has this illness and I don't seem to take any comfort in the fact that the test was negative and also the fact that my son is very happy and doesn't behave like a sick child would do.

Then I get guilt pangs torturing myself as to why I feel like this and why can't I just be happy day to day and take life as it comes rather than spend it worrying about something that will probably not happen. I think it's just because it's probably the worst outcome for any parent that I just can't shake it. But in all honesty he could have any number of illnesses that could surface later (for that matter so could anyone of us) but I can't seem to shake this one illness and worry out of my head (probably because my son still has similar symptoms that sparked my original concern).

This was a bit more long-winded than I expected. I'm due to see a counsellor soon - I may just print out this post to show her as it probably explains my situation easier than I could in person!!

Thanks!

nomorepanic
14-07-04, 21:38
Hi Mell

Welcome aboard.

As a parent it is your job to worry and sometimes that can spiral out of control into obsession about illness.

Can you tell us what illness you think he had, we may be able to throw some light on it.

Please keep positive and hopefully we can get you back on track soon.

Nicola

Mell1988
14-07-04, 21:42
Hi,

The illness concerned is cystic fibrosis.

It even upsets me just to type the name of it :-(

Meg
14-07-04, 22:11
HI Mell,

The test for CS is very conclusive and as you know it's either something you have or have not got .

If you have any questions do shout. What makes you think he may have it ?

I worked with CF adults for a while .



Meg

Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch

nomorepanic
14-07-04, 22:11
Ok

Aren't the tests for that quite definite so if he was negative then he is ok?

Great news if that is the case isn't it?

Sorry I upset you by asking the question - hope you didn't mind.

Nicola

Mell1988
14-07-04, 22:18
Hi there,

thanks for your replies. Yes, the test for CF is conclusive from what they say and I know I should be reassured by the negative test but for some reason I can't be.

I keep thinking "What if they made a mistake ?" on the test etc. etc. but they even did two tests at the same time (it's a sweat test so they did one on each arm) even though they only really need to do one (the nurse said they do two for extra security).

I wasn't there when they did the test but my husband said the nurse who did the tests seemed to act that she was surprised we were there when she saw my son - I know CF children tend to be very thin and weak etc. etc. but I then say to myself that not all cases will be the same, and some will present less seriously than others.

I'm sorry this probably doesn't make much sense.

The reason I still worry is that my son does cough a bit and is very congested (having said that he is a very allergic child - has atopic eczema and food allergies I guess the respiratory symptoms aren't a huge shock). He seems a bit skinny to me but then I am thin (and so's my dad so I guess it's genetic) but having said that his weight is around the 60th centile on the charts so I guess he can't be too bad.

Mell1988
14-07-04, 22:33
Whoops sorry ended my post a bit early there.

Also meant to say we have had a bit of bother with his digestive system - again he has food allergies though so he's obviously quite a "sensitive" child (that's how the dietician described him!).

So the symptoms he has are in the same area as CF type symptoms, but I appreciate this is just from reading symptoms and drawing my own conclusion by comparing them. I guess that applying them and judging whether someone is likely to have an illness is where the medical profession come in - and I know I should trust them as several doctors have all said they didn't think it was likely.

Why do I still worry though ? It's not as if I want to spend my time feeling like this - it's like I can't seem to help it. I guess I don't help matters though my still looking on the internet etc. at symptoms because it just fuels my anxiety and doesn't offer reassurance.

Meg
14-07-04, 22:35
Mel,

Its a very conclusive test and I've never seen a wrong one .

Cough a bit ... These kids/adults hav eto have physio at leats twice every day in order to get through the day and thats with enzyme treatment too.

The congestion is to the point where its like glue to get up.

I've never seen a cystic get over the 50th % until much later in life when they're well controlled.

I completely agree with you about the allergy connection. He may have a mild allergy induced asthma or just plain respiratory symptoms .

There is not a variance , CF either is or isn't.






Meg

Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch

Mell1988
14-07-04, 22:50
Hi Meg,

Thank you very much for your reply. It means alot to me as you have obviously got alot of knowledge in this area.

You have definitely helped me tonight so hopefully I can get myself back on the right track.

Take Care & Thanks Again
xx