Mell1988
14-07-04, 20:24
I've been a member for a little while now and thought I'd better introduce myself (I've been posting under General Anxiety so far).
I'm 32, married with one son who is 2. I have always been what I would describe as a worrier, a natural pessimist (my glass is always half empty) and I would always have this habit of playing scenarios through my head working out the worst outcome to ensure that I'm prepared. The sort of thing I mean is if I'd had an exam and it had gone worse than I expected, I would play through the scenario of what would I do, when would I do it etc.
I'm sure it's natural to be like this to a certain extent but I would go as far as talking about the outcome before it had even happened - ie. planning several moves ahead.
I had a stressful job a few years back which aggravated my anxiety but to be honest I never really considered it an illness at the time as I just blamed my job.
Since I changed jobs and had my son the anxiety returned with a vengeance, only now centered around serious health worries about my son. I can't get the thought out of my head that my son has a chronic illness - I discovered the illness by looking on the Internet for some symptoms my son had and it spiralled from there.
At the time I was quite rational so I went to my docs and discussed it and he didn't think it was a possibility that my son had this illness but agreed to send him for a test as it was obviously worrying me.
As you can imagine I had an awful time waiting for the test and did more searching on the internet (bad move) only to convince myself more and more that he definitely had it and prepared myself for the fact that my son was seriously ill.
He had the test (I was in such a state by that point that my poor husband had to take him for the test on his own) and it came back negative.
This reassured me for some time (with the help of anti-d's as well) but the thoughts have been recurring (I had a relapse last year and went back on the anti-d's) and again this year the same has happened.
I have fallen into the same pattern of going on the internet, still convinced my son has this illness and I don't seem to take any comfort in the fact that the test was negative and also the fact that my son is very happy and doesn't behave like a sick child would do.
Then I get guilt pangs torturing myself as to why I feel like this and why can't I just be happy day to day and take life as it comes rather than spend it worrying about something that will probably not happen. I think it's just because it's probably the worst outcome for any parent that I just can't shake it. But in all honesty he could have any number of illnesses that could surface later (for that matter so could anyone of us) but I can't seem to shake this one illness and worry out of my head (probably because my son still has similar symptoms that sparked my original concern).
This was a bit more long-winded than I expected. I'm due to see a counsellor soon - I may just print out this post to show her as it probably explains my situation easier than I could in person!!
Thanks!
I'm 32, married with one son who is 2. I have always been what I would describe as a worrier, a natural pessimist (my glass is always half empty) and I would always have this habit of playing scenarios through my head working out the worst outcome to ensure that I'm prepared. The sort of thing I mean is if I'd had an exam and it had gone worse than I expected, I would play through the scenario of what would I do, when would I do it etc.
I'm sure it's natural to be like this to a certain extent but I would go as far as talking about the outcome before it had even happened - ie. planning several moves ahead.
I had a stressful job a few years back which aggravated my anxiety but to be honest I never really considered it an illness at the time as I just blamed my job.
Since I changed jobs and had my son the anxiety returned with a vengeance, only now centered around serious health worries about my son. I can't get the thought out of my head that my son has a chronic illness - I discovered the illness by looking on the Internet for some symptoms my son had and it spiralled from there.
At the time I was quite rational so I went to my docs and discussed it and he didn't think it was a possibility that my son had this illness but agreed to send him for a test as it was obviously worrying me.
As you can imagine I had an awful time waiting for the test and did more searching on the internet (bad move) only to convince myself more and more that he definitely had it and prepared myself for the fact that my son was seriously ill.
He had the test (I was in such a state by that point that my poor husband had to take him for the test on his own) and it came back negative.
This reassured me for some time (with the help of anti-d's as well) but the thoughts have been recurring (I had a relapse last year and went back on the anti-d's) and again this year the same has happened.
I have fallen into the same pattern of going on the internet, still convinced my son has this illness and I don't seem to take any comfort in the fact that the test was negative and also the fact that my son is very happy and doesn't behave like a sick child would do.
Then I get guilt pangs torturing myself as to why I feel like this and why can't I just be happy day to day and take life as it comes rather than spend it worrying about something that will probably not happen. I think it's just because it's probably the worst outcome for any parent that I just can't shake it. But in all honesty he could have any number of illnesses that could surface later (for that matter so could anyone of us) but I can't seem to shake this one illness and worry out of my head (probably because my son still has similar symptoms that sparked my original concern).
This was a bit more long-winded than I expected. I'm due to see a counsellor soon - I may just print out this post to show her as it probably explains my situation easier than I could in person!!
Thanks!