Is there some brief advice for our families

[baxwalker]

It appears to be very difficult for someone who does not suffer anxiety problems to understand those who do.

For a guy, he can seem to being rather wimpish to his partner/family and why doesn't he just pull himself together etc. He's just thinking of himself all the time - he looks perfectly healthy to me etc etc.

Is there anywhere on this forum or internet that gives a concise description of what we go through and why we are not the people we used to be. Also describing the hell we go through on some days but try to carry on normal. This 'invisble' illness is very difficult for others to appreciate and understand.

Any help appreciated.

John

[honeybee3939]

Hi John,

I can understand how you are feeling, i used to find it so hard to explain to my husband how i felt.
If i ever have a appointment at the doctors or the therapists now i take my husband with me, that way it gives him more insight to my illness and the way i feel.

Heres some posts that may help:

Partners understanding
Partners How Do Yours Cope?? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=61)
Help for the helpers? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5013)

Love

Andrea
xxx

[baxwalker]

Thanks for the links Andrea. My main anxiety is about my health and many of the symptoms covered on that forum are ones I suffer from.

I just wish there was a small publication, correctly written that would explain with no holds barred just what this illnes does to a previously 'normal' person.

Take care

John
xxx

[jill]

Hi John :D

I have just had a quick search and I found this, not sure if its any help.

Here's the link

The Battle that Rages in my Head (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4149)

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXX

[Paddington]

Hello john,there are some wondeful links on here as you see,but hey why dont youwrite one yourself.All the things you have ever wanted to say,and explain!Writeit down and post it here ,it will help you and others too.I agree it is sooohard to explain it.I have said 'do you think IWANT to feel like this?'But people can think we are attention seeking and drama queens,so unfair..hey get it all off your chest mate!!Love mary rose.xxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[baxwalker]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Hello john,there are some wondeful links on here as you see,but hey why dont youwrite one yourself.All the things you have ever wanted to say,and explain!Writeit down and post it here ,it will help you and others too.I agree it is sooohard to explain it.I have said 'do you think IWANT to feel like this?'But people can think we are attention seeking and drama queens,so unfair..hey get it all off your chest mate!!Love mary rose.xxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

<div align="right">Originally posted by mary rose - 10 November 2006 : 13:47:36</div id="right"></td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Thanks for all your replies - all very helpful but none quite hitting the mark.

Mary, your suggestion of writing it up myself - food for thought - I might give it a try next week and post if it looks ok - but I think what I am really looking for is something from a professional body or similar that says - this is what this person is going through - they can't just pull themselves together, they're not being self centred - it's gone beyond their control and all they want to be is their old selves again etc etc.

Take care all

John
xxx

[LickeyEndBlues]

Interestingly John I was having a conversation with Shani (wife) last night about her coming in here and looking around. I was going to set up her own account or/and give her my details.

As Mary Rose says, you putting in stuff here and seeing what others say may well be both imformative, raising awareness and revealing whereby you can wtite things you may not say.

Good topic me thinks

Cheers

Iain

Laissez les bon temp roulez

[Insomniac]

Hi John.

Have you seen your doctor at all? I do understand the frustration of this. I am careful about who I tell in case they judge me...

I saw my GP and she kindly gave me a leaflet about anxiety which was short and simple, with enough advice and info about relaxation exercises. My husband read it and found it helpful too.



Lisa.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

[phoenix]

Hi john.
I know exactly what you mean. i live at home with my parents, (i have bad anxiety about food poisoning and being ill in general - which has led me to wash hands and cutlery obsessively) and while my mum is sympathetic, my dad as the - pardon the expression - "typical man" does not understand anything that has not directly happened to him. i have no idea how to deal with the situation - any time i try 2 explain what im going through - it just ends in arguments and shouting, and i assume both of us are left feeling angry and upset. "why cant you see its irrational" has been shouted at me more than once. trouble is, to me as irrational as the fears seem, i cant help myself. as the teeny tiny chance that something is going to make me ill is all i can see.

I hope that talking to your family and friends is easier! all my friends know and just make allowances for my "weirdness". my dad has always been this way about everything, so im not suprised he reacts this way to me.

I hate that i have to hide my fears. but its the only way to get along right now.
I think its a good idea to get your loved ones on here to have a look. they will probably be amazed at how many things we find to torture ourselves with! it might just bring it home that these things are VERY real to those dealing with them.

best of luck

Vix [^]

[baxwalker]

Well - I've tried writing something myself as suggested but it's not one of my best abilities and doesn't really come across any better than my verbal explanations

I still haven't managed to find any brief official write up/advice for partners of sufferers to explain what we are really going through day after day.

As I've already mentioned, many partners may not realise the severity of this 'illness' if they haven't experienced it themselves. They may think they've had a 'panic attack' caused by one odd situation but they cannot be expected to understand the damage a full blown sequence can do following years of continuous stress. Anxiety about health, total loss of confidence and - no- it isn't just a just case of - stop being a wimp and pull yourself together - you've 'only' got stress etc etc. Unfortunately, from the outside we may in many cases appear to be a picture of total health but inside - it's a whole different story - the invisible illness syndrome. We continue to go to work each day, we attend functions and go out for meals or holidays but we are fighting every inch of the way to remain 'normal' so that we don't spoil the occasion. Tnis is very tiring and soul destroying.

We in return understand that it isn't a pleasant or easy situation for them either but in many cases it's so difficult to try and explain our side without some 'official' backing or explanatary sheet that really puts the severity of our suffering forward.

None of us wanted this and none of us deserve this but we fight on day after day trying desperately to return to our former selves. Unfortunately - once again, this fight is mostly invisible to even those closest to us and only we are aware of the sheer effort being made to be 'normal again.

Rant over :)

John
xxx

[Insomniac]

HI John

Always feel free to rant... we all need to do that sometimes. Keep looking for that info, don't lose hope.

:)

Lisa.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.