What happens when the fear becomes true??

[nadimac14]

I'm wondering if anyone has experienced significant health anxiety over something that actually did turn out to be pretty bad?

A year and a half ago I was was diagnosed with severe cervical dysplasia (pre-cancer) and had to have surgery. I was so anxious and depressed I couldn't work for two months and almost lost my job. It felt like all my fears were actually coming true, solidifying that I should, in fact, worry.

Anyway I had the surgery and have had two follow up tests that came back all clear (yay). I just went for my third, however, and am awaiting results. Now I'm an absolute mess convincing myself the problem has come back and I'm going to have to have further surgery, will lose my fertility, etc...

I don't know how to be rational about this since the outcome really was terrible once and I know it could happen again. Anyone been in a similar situation? Helpppp

[Sar89]

Hiya was you diagnosed with cin 3 ? .. Iv had that x

[nadimac14]

Yes I was! Were you treated? Did it ever come back?

[Sar89]

I had that when I was actually 21 and it was a very scary time as it was unusual in one so young apparently I had leep surgery on it which they put me to sleep for as my anxiety is so bad... I had a smear literally 2 months ago and it was totally clear so that was 2 and half yrs ago when I had it and still not back. Now I asked a lot of questions about cervical cancer so I will explain it to you. You may already know this but cervical is one of the most easily diagnosed cancers hence the smears it's easy to catch and u have warnings e.g precancerous cells now my consultant told me that even if u have cin3 doesn't mean it would have turned into cancer (i had trouble believing that to) they remove it because of the chance that it could turn into cancer. Cervical cancer is usually slow growing aswell that's why they tell you to come every 3 yrs for a smear so they can keep on top it and after you have been diagnosed and treated for it you come in every 6 months just to keep a check on it... But it's HIGHLY unlikely to come back to cin3 or even cin2 after 6 months... And also I know women who have had a couple of leep treatments who have gone on to have full term pregnancys xx

[nadimac14]

Thanks so much for the information. I had a conization done, which I think is similar to the leep only maybe they take more? Not sure. Glad to hear you haven't had any problems since and I hope it's the same for me. I get worried that I won't be able to deal with it all over again, won't be able to go to work or have fun or anything. Anyway I'll know soon one way or another, but damn the waiting is the WORST... xo thanks again

[Sar89]

Oh u had the cone surgery. Yeah what they do is take more not not as in surface space but a deeper chunk (gross eh) but apparently that's the most effective one. Yeah the wait is the worst I always convince myself it's come back and I'm going to die some dreadful cancer related death and leave my daughter behind... I was in a dreadful state when I had my op but it was my anxiety that had me like that I just dropped in a black pit of depression so your not alone there. If you ever want to chat about it then drop me a private message x

[nadimac14]

Yeah they say it's really effective but of course there's a chance it can come back and that's enough to convince me I'll be one of the unlucky ones. Anyway I'm trying to stay rational and remember that even if it comes back they can treat me again and hopefully preserve fertility.

Sounds like we've had some similar issues, nice to talk to you and thanks for the support :)

[cattia]

My friend had cin3 at 23 and she is now 37 and has since had two children. Hers has never come back. I have my smear on Dec 18th and am super nervous about it :(

[Fishmanpa]

I can relate even though I don't suffer from anxiety.

When I suspected I had cancer, it consumed much the way many sufferers describe. I was a Google addict and had convinced myself I had lymphoma. I was reading about odds of surviving etc. till the cows came home and had put myself into a pretty dark place. When I was diagnosed with Squamous Cell Carcinoma head and neck, I was actually relieved until I read about SCC! Damn! As cancers go, all are bad but SCC is really bad stuff. Then, when I spoke to my team at Johns Hopkins, I was told I would make it without doubt and my chances long term were pretty darn good!

But I can tell you this. IF you ever find yourself in the position of your worst fears becoming reality, your anxiety will go away because you'll be too busy fighting. You'll be so focused on the tasks at hand you won't have time to worry. Even when I had quiet moments, I wasn't thinking too much about dying as much as I was thinking about surviving. Bottom line, it sucks so bad that all you think about is getting the damn thing out of your body and feeling better.

Now afterwards? Like you I suffer from "scanxiety". The first two years after treatment are when it's most likely to return and I do worry about that sometimes. Mostly though, it's around the times I have my followup appointments which are every three months for the first two years and then every 6 months until five years when they cut me loose. So I totally understand what you're feeling now. And it sounds like in between scan time, you do pretty well. Like Tom Petty says "The waiting is the hardest part" ;)


Positive thoughts and prayers for a clean report!

[nadimac14]

Thanks everyone :)
Still waiting... going NUTS... I'm trying really hard to keep things in perspective. I can't control this... whatever is going to happen will happen... but the waiting is killing me. Results were supposed to be in today and they still aren't... going to call again tomorrow. I'm sitting at work anxious and unhappy. I have to figure out a way to stop doing this, because I'll have to have these follow ups every year for the rest of my life, and I can't keep torturing myself like this....

[nadimac14]

Test results came back NORMAL :D

Big sigh of relief. Thanks for the support xo

[clover1201]

ive had cin 3/ Cone excision done. That was 10 years ago, i have never even had a borderline result sice - they have all been clear. I have also had 2 children in that time. I have just been put back to 3 yearly smears after having them yearly. In a strange way i still want to have them yearly as i always still get anxious about them. I also have a cancer causing HPV and have been told that by my consultant. He did say though that even if CIN3 was never treated only 40% would progress to cancer.

[nadimac14]

I'm glad to hear you have had clear results for 10 years and I hope it's the same for me! That is certainly reassuring. My specialist told me I should have yearly paps for the rest of my life and not to let anyone tell me differently, and sure enough my GP just told me I can eventually go to every 3 years. I think I'll be most comfortable with every year! So you had no trouble with pregnancy due to the cone?

Thanks for sharing your story :)

[clover1201]

Nope, no trouble at all. They said that sometimes the scar tissue can hinder dialation but it worked the other way for me amd i dialted very quickly. CIN 3 is very common, its precancerous and shouldnt stop anyone doing anything differently.