Feeling really low and scared

[scared soul]

I don't really know how to start and I'm not sure if this is the right place to post but here goes:

I have been feeling really low recently. I would say that I've always been a bit of a worrier but not like this. My mother passed away earlier this year and since about Christmas I've been feeling like this. I hate it, I get very irritable and worked up with my family so as much I hate to say it I don't particularly enjoy the time I spend at home. Work used to feel like a break and a bit of a safe haven but just recently I am not enjoying it so much. I get on very well with my colleagues and I really respect them but I seem to have little confidence and I feel the need to constantly check on things and ask questions. I'm sure this irritates my boss, (although I do really like her and get along with her). I have been told over and over again that I have excellent judgement and I need to trust it but I am really scared of messing up and causing the company problems or even just getting shouted at. When I do get snapped at I don't tend to hold a grudge and I don't snap back but it preys on my mind for the rest of the day and just recently I have started to feel really tearful with it. One day this week I was particularly close to tears and I had to rush out of the office, but luckily it was the end of my day there so I don't think anybody noticed.

I also feel very worried about death but not about me dying, I am terrified of other people I care about dying, my colleagues, friends and family. Even if one of my colleagues is off for a couple of days with a cold I keep thinking what if it's something worse. (As I think I've said, although I feel increasingly uncomfortable at work lately, I do really respect and like my colleagues. My dad also has been away a lot recently and if him or my brother are slightly late home I start to think what if something's happened to them and how would I cope.

I also tend to think that if I do something wrong or bad then somebody I care about (again family, friends, colleagues and members of their families) will get hurt or sick because of what I have done. I know this surely can't be and yet I am so sure it is going to happen. It really does frighten me.

I have had similar feelings in the past, a few years back but they were not as bad as this and they went away a lot quicker.

I confided in somebody I really trust earlier this year and she encouraged me to seek further help. I eventually went to the doctors (she went with me) and I told the doctor some of my feelings (some of them have only come on recently). He told me it sounds like anxiety and gave me a number to call to get further help.

However I'm too scared to call it. I haven't told my family I really don't think that they would understand, as nice as they are. We don't really talk about our feelings and although they have noticed my behaviour can be a little weird, they think I'm just being stupid.

Does this sound like anxiety?

Sorry if this doesn't read very well, I had to get it out.

[xapril123x]

Yes it definitely sounds like you have anxiety. I think you should call the number as soon as possible and then you will be one step closer to having your life back.
I've only recently reached out for help myself and although I had one unsuccessful doctors appointment with a horrible doctor, I registered at a different doctors, got a new appointment in a few days and am feeling much more positive about the whole situation.
Good luck, just ring the number.. it will be hard but you will feel relieved after you have done it :) :)

[loreen]

Hello

I think what you have written reads very well, and as an anxiety sufferer I can identify with everything you have written.

I think you should make the call,and also print off your thread,so that you can show the adviser what you are going through. I always write down what I want to say, because a consultation usually brings out the worst of my anxiety,and I end up not saying anything relevant.

Also,do you have a colleague you can confide in? I have found it helps to have someone to go to when I am not feeling great emotionally. Sometimes it helps to talk,and know someone is looking out for you.

Loreen x

[scared soul]

Hi xapril123x and loreen, thanks for your replies.

I do want to call the number but although it sounds silly, I don't want to admit to my family that I have a problem and I can't see another way around it.

I have been having a look though at what options might be available to me.

I do have a colleague I can confide in, she was actually the one who took me to the doctors. She's very caring and patient with me. Your right it does help.

Thanks again to you both for your replies, I really do appreciate it and I'm very glad to be here.

[sarahblonde32]

Hi,

i am the same, my mum has breast cancer and im so worried about her and everything, and im constantly worried about everyone and something happening.
I feel like a constant state of fear and dread.
I have anxiety/stress and im a worrier and a general stress head! its beginning to take over my life.
hope you find help, i'm looking at options for myself too.
sarah x